all stirred up..
Today something out of the norm happend..well i mean it is normal because i happens everyday but its not everyday you witness it. I was driving down lake wheeler and all of a sudden this dark blue Saab convertable is coming down the road while a tan late 90s camry is driving in the opposit direction. all looks normal then BAM we all come a hault. The two had become one and i cant figure out how. i mean i watch the whole thing happend and its like i just blacked out and dont remember. i dont know if its because it scared me, brought back flashbacks, i got that horrible feeling in my stomach when i knew we were going over. that moment when you feel if there was anytime to believe this would be it. suddenly i felt like i was the girl in the Saab. I dont know why it shook me up so much but it did. i cant stop thinking about it. their was gas everywhere and cars scattered. i mean it is a striaght road..3 lanes..nothing in the way. how did these two seemingly out of the norm people end up in a mass of conjoined metal and scrapnal. it really scared me i guess. one of my biggest fears is being in another car accident. after april.29th 2004 it really changed things.
It got me thinking how all the ambitions i had after that accident, all the things i was going to do because i was foutunate enough to still have my life afterwards..had all kind of faded away. when did i become this person? where did i go? i have always seen myself going to school and becoming a special education teacher or support for anyone in need. primarily disabled children, both metally and physically. i was never book smart, still not. i cant spell very well and i read kinda slow. it has always been so discouraging for me. i have always felt that i can learn through experience which i do. what i want to do they cannot teach me in school, but i cant do anything unless i have a degree. now i sit here..20..in my parents house, not getting up for school tomorrow but getting up for my full-time job as a route specialist for sears. im really dissapointed in myself to be honest. and i feel other people are too. im going to put in for financial aid. and try to do something. i cant sit in a room all day with computers. i want to help people, with thier lives not thier washer and dryers. i know i can do amazing things, i just dont apply myself, something ive been told my whole life. i know this entry has gone from a car crash to my life story but right now my life story feels like a car crash.
anyways..that was my day...
It got me thinking how all the ambitions i had after that accident, all the things i was going to do because i was foutunate enough to still have my life afterwards..had all kind of faded away. when did i become this person? where did i go? i have always seen myself going to school and becoming a special education teacher or support for anyone in need. primarily disabled children, both metally and physically. i was never book smart, still not. i cant spell very well and i read kinda slow. it has always been so discouraging for me. i have always felt that i can learn through experience which i do. what i want to do they cannot teach me in school, but i cant do anything unless i have a degree. now i sit here..20..in my parents house, not getting up for school tomorrow but getting up for my full-time job as a route specialist for sears. im really dissapointed in myself to be honest. and i feel other people are too. im going to put in for financial aid. and try to do something. i cant sit in a room all day with computers. i want to help people, with thier lives not thier washer and dryers. i know i can do amazing things, i just dont apply myself, something ive been told my whole life. i know this entry has gone from a car crash to my life story but right now my life story feels like a car crash.
anyways..that was my day...