(no subject)
so seriously? I ended up texting him today. I said call me when you have time. He texted back, who is this?
indeed. Of course it was a lapse in judgement. perhaps because of the stress of not having full time employment, not knowing where we are going to move, shannon refusing to work even a part time job, getting into graduate school, lapsing back into my eating disorder in full force....Or maybe it is because I have finally lost every shred of self respect.
probably the latter.
really? i knew it was a bad idea. but i will call back when i get a chance.
why? because i am just as obsessed as he once was. maybe it is because all of the stress, i dont know. what I do know is that I think about him every time i drive into tahlequah. I look into every car secretly hoping it will be him, he will see me...I contemplate the things i will ask him. what his favorite music is...how he grew up. what it is like losing your mother to cancer after a long struggle. what drove him to drugs....what makes him who he is and who that person really is. i want to know. why am i so obsessed? it is the kidnapper syndrome...where i start obsessing over my stalker? ever since he has come back into my life i have been working to distract myself, distance myself from him so i do not have to face these feelings.
but i cannot stop my mind from wandering.
meh.
indeed. Of course it was a lapse in judgement. perhaps because of the stress of not having full time employment, not knowing where we are going to move, shannon refusing to work even a part time job, getting into graduate school, lapsing back into my eating disorder in full force....Or maybe it is because I have finally lost every shred of self respect.
probably the latter.
really? i knew it was a bad idea. but i will call back when i get a chance.
why? because i am just as obsessed as he once was. maybe it is because all of the stress, i dont know. what I do know is that I think about him every time i drive into tahlequah. I look into every car secretly hoping it will be him, he will see me...I contemplate the things i will ask him. what his favorite music is...how he grew up. what it is like losing your mother to cancer after a long struggle. what drove him to drugs....what makes him who he is and who that person really is. i want to know. why am i so obsessed? it is the kidnapper syndrome...where i start obsessing over my stalker? ever since he has come back into my life i have been working to distract myself, distance myself from him so i do not have to face these feelings.
but i cannot stop my mind from wandering.
meh.