Wasting Worthless Words
Today I got lectured for about an hour, on how I need to start treating people differently. I am a generally nice person, but if someone messes with me, I'll give them hell back. What I dont understang, though, is why someone else felt the need to tell me how to treat people THEY dont even like. So, it got me thinking... (oh no, famous last words)... These people I know here in Arizona. They are oblivious. They couldnt care less about me or my feelings and they definitely dont realize when I'm laughing at them or treat them the way they treat everyone else. They just know that they cant walk all over me, and they lose interest really quickly. Well, tonight, I had some plans with this guy David. I've made plans with David every night since about Thursday. But Thursday I ended up babysitting, Friday he had to work, Saturday I babysat again and Sunday I was just being lazy and didnt get dressed. Then tonight we were supposed to hang out and we didnt manage to, because I've been packing all day and I didnt really feel like it. But being nice, I just told him I wasnt finished and we could try again before I leave on Thursday. Well, in telling this to another person, I got the lecture of a lifetime. Apparently, I'm too cold hearted and just a big whore. Now, I dont exactly know how the conversation got to my sex life, but somehow it went full circle around to EVERY little thing I've ever done wrong. And it just reconfirmed the reason(s) I want to get out of Arizona, free of any ties, as soon as possible. I dotn see any point in wasting a whole bunch of worthless words and good byes on people I never plan on speaking to again, once I'm gone. Maybe thats harsh, but these people have never done anything for me, and a "blank slate" means everything gets erased. All old friends, all old loves, everything erased. Oklahoma is my place to be reborn into someone I'll actually like and respect and hopefully Oklahoma (and this change of attitude, etc) will give me the motivation to overcome all my fears and just put myself out there. I dotn see that happening if I've got negitive people always bring up the past and all the horrible memories. No other place has ever taken so much out of me before; arizona has sucked away the very essence of who I was and who I am. So, Oklahoma is exactly what I need. New people, new places, new scenery and a support group. Oklahoma holds all the new, but also all my family. So, I'll never be alone. And the people in Oklahoma are generally more welcoming and nice than anywhere else, and I can just see that from visiting once a year. So, yeah, I think I'm done blabbering on like an idiot for one night. Hope you all enjoyed it. LOL Night.
Linds
Linds