Fic: Endgame [NARUTO]

[hcyanide]

Title: Endgame

Summary: “Who are you?” Sasuke’s voice is cool and steady. Naruto grins, and in his mind Sasuke is cataloguing lightning fast all the weapons within reach and how quickly he could reach them, because something is screaming not right not right not right -  “I am hatred,” Naruto says with the same disconcerting flash of bone-white teeth

Comments

[wind_hover]

This piece is lovely.

I like the descriptions, especially this line: "In the end they are two lost boys, two boys broken by hatred, one who gave himself to it and the other who tried to sear it from his flesh as though cauterizing some quiet shhhhh of history."

Although for this sentence: it must be a trick of the light because his eyes are flickering between black and a sharp, bright blue, like bits of summer sky. - I think summer sky consumed by a storm? Dunno.

At first, I wasn't sure why Sasuke felt the need to pass the vengeance baton on, but I rationalised it as he seeing himself as a sort of "Itachi" - only this time he brushes it across the lips? Why did Sasuke decided to at the last moment - when he was dying? It seems to be a bit of a cop-out. Also, why didn't he just use the Mangekyou and get rid of Naruto immediately? And no jutsu? It's just weapons and Naruto's shadow clones? Wouldn't Sasuke at least try the Chidori, or the Chidori Eiso or the Chidori Senbon? I think you can bring that bit out - that Sasuke's not putting up much of a fight, even from the beginning. Doesn't Sasuke want to use Tsukiyomi on Naruto at least?

The way Sasuke's attitude changes/character development is nicely done though. But why can Dark!Naruto find Sasuke so quickly - in five days? - when light/normal Naruto can't?

I like Sasuke's death though: that only when Sasuke goads dark!Naruto does dark!Naruto become stronger, manage to kill Sasuke. Dark!Naruto still needs the hate that Sasuke provides him with. In this case, it seems to the parallel Itachi-Sasuke's relationship, with Sasuke being the older brother.

Also, the ending is brilliant: Naruto can taste blood on his mouth, but it's not mentioned whose it is. (although I think it is Sasuke's, but it can be anyone's.)

[hcyanide]

!!!

Everything you have said is very, very true. WHOAWHOAWHOA THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING, I am fairly blind to flaws such as these. OTL;; I just get ideas and then assume everyone else occupies my headspace. >.>;;

I saw Sasuke not as 'passing his revenge on' - I pictured Dark!Naruto as already having picked out Konoha as his next target (which I think I made reference to, either not clearly enough or just. In my head. *fails*). I pictured Sasuke as being finally content that Naruto understands what it is to hate as strongly as he does, even if it at the moment of his death, and that to hope that Naruto continues will serve at least his purpose.

You are very, very right about the fight though. O.O Oh god, I can only plead that the superpowered!everything has all kind of flown over my radar, and that every time they fight they seem to revert to something more instinctual and raw - that is to say, they don't throw lighting bolts and Rasengans at each other as soon as they see each other whenever they DO fight. They seem to turn very... visceral, resorting to physical violence, and I guess this is just the way I thought of them.

I have no answer for how Dark!Naruto found him so quickly. It was just an idea I had that I wanted to write. XD;;;

Thank you so much for your review - it's given me a lot to think about. ♥

[wind_hover]

You've mentioned Konoha - dark!Naruto says that he'll go after the village once he's killed Sasuke. I think there's a sort of continuity error there though, because Kyuubi tells light!Naruto that Madara is dead (or at least, that's what I think he means in the second last paragraph), and Madara wasn't mentioned on that list at all, although Kyuubi might mean Tenzou/Yamato?

Regarding the use of jutsu: go check out their fight at the Valley of the End - they use Chidori and Rasengan. There's fist-to-fist combat (taijutsu) rather than kunai throwing. In fact, it's mostly taijutsu, although I feel it would be more realistic if Naruto used Rasengan instead of a kunai to kill Sasuke? Also, because it would be kind of a parallel to Valley of the End.

I guess it could be taken as Sasuke knowing that Naruto understands hate - seeing dark!Naruto being consumed by hate, but you do need to bring that out. :)

[hcyanide]

Oh dear, more terrible ambiguity. D: I actually meant for the reader to think that Sasuke is the dead one, with Madara being the one who will let it back out into the world... D: AND TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT YAMATO TOO. ARGH PLOTHOLES EVERYWHERE.

Thank you!