My Homies
News from Japan today regarding chopsticks. Applicants to a private school will now have to undergo an aptitude test on their abilities with chopsticks. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ASIAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU AUTOMATICALLY KNOW HOW TO USE CHOPSTICKS.
I always have to ask for a fork and a glass of water a Chinese restaurant meaning I don't use chopsticks and I don't drink tea. It's both funny and a disgrace, but I have to keep up my reputation as the "whitest Asian guy I know." Hell, the frat guys at the table beside us are using chopsticks; the cheerleaders at the other table are drinking tea (it's a school field trip). I was in a restaurant the other day with my family and friends of my parents and I didn't want to really listen to their conversation that I didn't understand, so what do I choose to play on my iPod? Bluegrass.
At the real table next to us, there was a big group of people, mostly Asian with a few other races married in. Everyone who had glasses had the same pair of Dolce and Gabanna ones. Everyone. Men and women. It was scary. A couple eventually joined them and they brought along their baby. Someone at the table said "the baby looks more like John or Dan." Isn't that just the nicest thing anyone can say about your baby? That it looks like another guy, or in this case, another two guys? I guess there's a three for one deal at the DNA baby testing place.
Unless you're living under a rock, you've undoubtly heard about the Trump vs. Rosie feud that's been heating up every entertainment show. What is this, elementary school? I have a feeling though that Trump and Rosie are both making this thing bigger than it is to get ratings for their respective shows (The Apprentice "coincidently" premiered a few weeks ago and The View just needs ratings to justify their hiring of Rosie in the first place). A public feud is the ultimate publicity stunt. Anyone wishing to start a feud with me, please feel free. I have a movie or two that needs a plug. I'm going to start things off:
Your mama's so fat, she's once, twice, three times a lady.
You're so dumb, you play solitaire...for cash.
Eat me.
Please send all feuds to:
Enoch Kwok Hates Me
555 Up Yours Way
Ottawa, ON
A1B-2C3
I always have to ask for a fork and a glass of water a Chinese restaurant meaning I don't use chopsticks and I don't drink tea. It's both funny and a disgrace, but I have to keep up my reputation as the "whitest Asian guy I know." Hell, the frat guys at the table beside us are using chopsticks; the cheerleaders at the other table are drinking tea (it's a school field trip). I was in a restaurant the other day with my family and friends of my parents and I didn't want to really listen to their conversation that I didn't understand, so what do I choose to play on my iPod? Bluegrass.
At the real table next to us, there was a big group of people, mostly Asian with a few other races married in. Everyone who had glasses had the same pair of Dolce and Gabanna ones. Everyone. Men and women. It was scary. A couple eventually joined them and they brought along their baby. Someone at the table said "the baby looks more like John or Dan." Isn't that just the nicest thing anyone can say about your baby? That it looks like another guy, or in this case, another two guys? I guess there's a three for one deal at the DNA baby testing place.
Unless you're living under a rock, you've undoubtly heard about the Trump vs. Rosie feud that's been heating up every entertainment show. What is this, elementary school? I have a feeling though that Trump and Rosie are both making this thing bigger than it is to get ratings for their respective shows (The Apprentice "coincidently" premiered a few weeks ago and The View just needs ratings to justify their hiring of Rosie in the first place). A public feud is the ultimate publicity stunt. Anyone wishing to start a feud with me, please feel free. I have a movie or two that needs a plug. I'm going to start things off:
Your mama's so fat, she's once, twice, three times a lady.
You're so dumb, you play solitaire...for cash.
Eat me.
Please send all feuds to:
Enoch Kwok Hates Me
555 Up Yours Way
Ottawa, ON
A1B-2C3