Pronouncement of Doom
Greetings, so-called friends of Mr. Larry. By my use third-person perspective, I am sure that, by now, you have gathered that these are not the words of your dear "Hairy Cocaine Larry." I have just gone throgh and read every laughable word writ in this online journal, a laughable notion in and of itself. . . fitting for such a creature so foul as its posessor. I see he has spared no haste in dripping every last detail concerning our encounters of late into this network of idiot boxes. I am therefore certain that you will have no trouble in guessing the identity of this nefarious intruder into your tight-knit community; but for those of you a fraction as half-witted as Larry, I will be blunt. I am Leonard Cohen. I have broken into this squalid trailer. The fool sleeps behind me on the couch--no doubt rendered unconscious from whatever depraved coke binge led him to purchase all the animal pornography littering the coffee table. The room is enveloped in the stench of bleach and pig shit. I never would have thought to access his electronic vices, but it was a temptation too powerful when I saw the giant piece of paper taped to the monitor with every password he must have ever had scrawled across. I daresay the man must play an important role in keeping the Crayola corporation afloat. But I cease this stagnant drivel! I did come here with a purpose: a warning! The world must know the amoral nature of this repugnant beast that so abjectly proclaims himself "The H-Man!" But whatever power he posesses, whether factual or wrought by incessant delusions of grandeur, I sit hovering above--a dagger of Damocles. His pride is the fine hair that keeps me at bay, but it will not hold long. He will soon face this hubris in that moment beyond repieve as I come crashing down upon him, sprung from this inertial trap! The day of reckoning has come to pass! All that awaits now is for his blind head to enter the guillotine. I am patient. Time, however, is not. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to send dirty emails with Larry's account!