Crush & what he's doing/done to me
I have a crush on a boy since 3 years. I first met him when I came into secondary school. I don't wanna have a crush on him.
The 'problem' is he behaves like a douche bag, he is mean to people he doesn't even know because they've gotten him wrong. The first year in school he treated me like..., bad. He made me feel horrible, sad, weak. He always found a way to cut me, mentally. It's gotten better, but if it comes to it he still treats me like that. I'm happy I've lied down the pink sunglasses. I can not explain why he behaves like that in school, from a couple of girls I've heard that he private actually is nice. But why does he hide under that mask? My mom and I have a theory, it says that:
He is seeking for attention, because he doesn't have many friends and some complicated family issues. That also could be the reason why he writes bad marks, because he has nobody to learn with. I think that he maybe does it because he wants to be cool. I believe that most boys are emotional against that behaviour to other people, but I think that they expect that other boys think it's cool so they do it too, to be in. Some don't do, they just watch. I imagine most don't have the courage to stand to their opinion in this thema. I rarely see teens in my age say anything against it.
So too my crush. Today we had a school trip he was friendly. He asked if want to have a cookie too. I got over myself (like try it he might be nice, breath in - exhale) reached for one... he pulled the packet away. (Idk but I almost started crying because that happens everytime and I always hope it won't happen again and try to trust him) Everyone got a cookie except me. He gave me a second chance to get one, but I had enough. He messes up with me, I didn't even try - the fear he was kidding again was to high.
It's really uncool because he seems to be no good for me. Every summer I just manage to stop thinking about him and then school starts again. It's not always the same feeling it's mixed. When we have any contact (touch) butterflies fly around in my stomach. I wonder if I flirt with him. I found out I might often do that, but never realize when and with who I do.
Once upon a time in a bus we played a game and I had to play against him twice. (The game is: You have to look sombody in the eye as long as possible and not laugh. Both have to do that face to face.) First I forgot to blink because I got lost in his eyes and then started crying. He said that was unfair, but he was near tears too. Second time he grimaced which against the rules and he wore that pink sunglasses, he was hot. He won, he played dirty not a nice guy. But what am I talking about? He has piercing grey-blue eyes if somebody is interested it that information. He is dirty through and through like Adams moves during Glam Nation. (We have something in common, but I hide it. I don't strip!)
I don't know why he is like that I hope he has better reasons than the ones he told me. I have to say I was nice from the beginnig while everyone called him... also the perfect victim. Vulnerable, naiv seeing the positiv in human (past)
Maybe he influenced me strong on becoming who I am now. :'(
Sorry for grammar or vocabulary mistakes or for confusing
The 'problem' is he behaves like a douche bag, he is mean to people he doesn't even know because they've gotten him wrong. The first year in school he treated me like..., bad. He made me feel horrible, sad, weak. He always found a way to cut me, mentally. It's gotten better, but if it comes to it he still treats me like that. I'm happy I've lied down the pink sunglasses. I can not explain why he behaves like that in school, from a couple of girls I've heard that he private actually is nice. But why does he hide under that mask? My mom and I have a theory, it says that:
He is seeking for attention, because he doesn't have many friends and some complicated family issues. That also could be the reason why he writes bad marks, because he has nobody to learn with. I think that he maybe does it because he wants to be cool. I believe that most boys are emotional against that behaviour to other people, but I think that they expect that other boys think it's cool so they do it too, to be in. Some don't do, they just watch. I imagine most don't have the courage to stand to their opinion in this thema. I rarely see teens in my age say anything against it.
So too my crush. Today we had a school trip he was friendly. He asked if want to have a cookie too. I got over myself (like try it he might be nice, breath in - exhale) reached for one... he pulled the packet away. (Idk but I almost started crying because that happens everytime and I always hope it won't happen again and try to trust him) Everyone got a cookie except me. He gave me a second chance to get one, but I had enough. He messes up with me, I didn't even try - the fear he was kidding again was to high.
It's really uncool because he seems to be no good for me. Every summer I just manage to stop thinking about him and then school starts again. It's not always the same feeling it's mixed. When we have any contact (touch) butterflies fly around in my stomach. I wonder if I flirt with him. I found out I might often do that, but never realize when and with who I do.
Once upon a time in a bus we played a game and I had to play against him twice. (The game is: You have to look sombody in the eye as long as possible and not laugh. Both have to do that face to face.) First I forgot to blink because I got lost in his eyes and then started crying. He said that was unfair, but he was near tears too. Second time he grimaced which against the rules and he wore that pink sunglasses, he was hot. He won, he played dirty not a nice guy. But what am I talking about? He has piercing grey-blue eyes if somebody is interested it that information. He is dirty through and through like Adams moves during Glam Nation. (We have something in common, but I hide it. I don't strip!)
I don't know why he is like that I hope he has better reasons than the ones he told me. I have to say I was nice from the beginnig while everyone called him... also the perfect victim. Vulnerable, naiv seeing the positiv in human (past)
Maybe he influenced me strong on becoming who I am now. :'(
Sorry for grammar or vocabulary mistakes or for confusing