I want you to want me
So I've always had this thing where I often feel left out, excluded from things. In recent years I have gotten better about this, pouting less and reaching out to include myself more. But Lonely Susan still sometimes appears. Anyway, recently it's been happening a lot. Specifically, I feel like my high school friends are pulling away from me.
Firstly, one of my closest friends from high school and I have been out of touch since around January. She lives in Orlando now, and her family is still in St. Pete (at least I think so). I've called multiple times (four or five?) when I have been in FL, left voicemails...no return calls. And I think I've emailed a few times, too. I might just be overreacting--I mean we're both busy, etc. What makes me worry, I think, is that this happened to me once before. At the beginning of my sophomore year at Dickinson, I was 'dumped' by another friend--my best friend from high school. It totally came at me from nowhere. First she stopped returning my calls, and then on day I received a curt email saying that she just didn't want to be friends again. The end.
So, is this happening again? And if it is, what on Earth have I done wrong? I just wish I knew.....:-/
And then my other concern is another group of friends from high school. We call ourselves the Lunch Crew, and some of us have been friends since 6th grade. It came to my attention last January that one friend in this group is essentially not speaking to me because of how I hurt another friend (I dated him, broke-up with him). Let me mention that said ex-boyfriend still speaks to me, kind of shrugs his shoulder and says he doesn't know what to do about our mutual friend not speaking to me. She never actually said anything to me, she just stopped communicating with me. Anyway, I was surfing around Facebook and MySpace, and that's what caused me to feel sad about things. For one thing, I realised that they're created a 'Lunch Crew' group on MySpace, to which I was not invited. And I also realised that I didn't even know some of them were on MySpace. And there are a few pictures up with captions that seem rather exclusive (of me).
*Sigh* Okay, well, as I look back on this, it seems so self-centered to be venting about this. It is, I suppose. It's just that given the fact that I'm spent huge portions of my life feeling left out, I sort of looked to these old friends as being a few people who didn't leave me out. Maybe I am just too hard to be friends with...Maybe 'strong personality' is just a euphemism for 'too much to deal with'....
Anyway, while the tone of all that may be rather bleak, I'm actually doing fine. I made almost $150 last night (!) at work, which is more than I've made any shift at Applebee's--kind of an obscene amount of money for 6 hours work. I had some really nice tables--two separates tables of Brits, so we talked Britain. Anyway, I made a donation to Habitat today because it was such a windfall for me (normally on that shift my tips would range from $40 [allright, not horrible] to $75 [really good]), and I felt like I was in a decent enough financial position that I could share. So yeah for me and Habitat!
Firstly, one of my closest friends from high school and I have been out of touch since around January. She lives in Orlando now, and her family is still in St. Pete (at least I think so). I've called multiple times (four or five?) when I have been in FL, left voicemails...no return calls. And I think I've emailed a few times, too. I might just be overreacting--I mean we're both busy, etc. What makes me worry, I think, is that this happened to me once before. At the beginning of my sophomore year at Dickinson, I was 'dumped' by another friend--my best friend from high school. It totally came at me from nowhere. First she stopped returning my calls, and then on day I received a curt email saying that she just didn't want to be friends again. The end.
So, is this happening again? And if it is, what on Earth have I done wrong? I just wish I knew.....:-/
And then my other concern is another group of friends from high school. We call ourselves the Lunch Crew, and some of us have been friends since 6th grade. It came to my attention last January that one friend in this group is essentially not speaking to me because of how I hurt another friend (I dated him, broke-up with him). Let me mention that said ex-boyfriend still speaks to me, kind of shrugs his shoulder and says he doesn't know what to do about our mutual friend not speaking to me. She never actually said anything to me, she just stopped communicating with me. Anyway, I was surfing around Facebook and MySpace, and that's what caused me to feel sad about things. For one thing, I realised that they're created a 'Lunch Crew' group on MySpace, to which I was not invited. And I also realised that I didn't even know some of them were on MySpace. And there are a few pictures up with captions that seem rather exclusive (of me).
*Sigh* Okay, well, as I look back on this, it seems so self-centered to be venting about this. It is, I suppose. It's just that given the fact that I'm spent huge portions of my life feeling left out, I sort of looked to these old friends as being a few people who didn't leave me out. Maybe I am just too hard to be friends with...Maybe 'strong personality' is just a euphemism for 'too much to deal with'....
Anyway, while the tone of all that may be rather bleak, I'm actually doing fine. I made almost $150 last night (!) at work, which is more than I've made any shift at Applebee's--kind of an obscene amount of money for 6 hours work. I had some really nice tables--two separates tables of Brits, so we talked Britain. Anyway, I made a donation to Habitat today because it was such a windfall for me (normally on that shift my tips would range from $40 [allright, not horrible] to $75 [really good]), and I felt like I was in a decent enough financial position that I could share. So yeah for me and Habitat!