A Manager's Devotion, chapter 3
Chapter 3! A longer wait for this one, but I hope it was worth it!
Title: A Manager's Devotion
Fandom: Skip Beat!
Characters: Yashiro Yukihito, Tsuruga Ren
Prompt: #004. Insides
Word Count: 3,022
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Yashiro will sacrifice anything to help Ren's career succeed, even his own emotions. But is that really the best for Ren? Drama.
Author's Notes: Set in the Dark Moon story arc after vol 13/Act 78/the end of the anime. BL/slash warning! My Litte Damn Table, so empty of links. Cross-posted to fanfic100, shojobeat, and skip_beat.
Note: Written for the LJ challenge community fanfic100. Last tweaked 4-22-11 for new summary.
A Manager's Devotion, Chapter 3: Insides
As Yashiro descended the final steps of the train station and walked onto the street, he took his phone from his jacket pocket and turned it back on. It cheerfully powered up, then beeped notice for a missed call and voicemail. He had just enough time to glance at the phone number.
"From Matsushima-san?" Yashiro pursed his lips in wonderment, then temporarily stashed the phone in a side pocket, tucked the bento box saved from lunch under one arm, and pulled on his rubber gloves. If the head of LME's Acting Section called this late, it had to be urgent. He retrieved the phone and accessed his voicemail.
"Yashiro-kun, it's Matsushima. A hitch has come up in the Tsuruga Ren Dream Group Date contest winners. One of the three winners failed her background check; she had a record for assault. Next in line to take her place is...well..." the voice trailed off, making Yashiro raise an eyebrow. "It's a man," Matsushima concluded bluntly.
Yashiro froze in the middle of the sidewalk, every cell of his being suddenly focused on the recorded message.
Matsushima continued, "Marketing seems to think it would be good for Tsuruga-kun, but we need to know how he feels about it. The President doesn't want to force it on him. Call me as soon as you get this, no matter how late. You have my home number." With a click, the message ended.
Passers-by wended around Yashiro as he stood there, some with annoyance, one or two with an appreciative eye, but most ignoring him completely as they all walked or biked on autopilot to their respective homes. Yashiro's shock rendered him deaf and blind to all of them.
A man had entered and won the contest. A man had known enough obscure Tsuruga Ren trivia to qualify, had been devoted enough to watch every interview, read every article, and text every code to win, and he must have passed the background check for Matsushima to have mentioned him at all. His winning the contest was undeniable proof of his devotion to Ren.
A chill of shock struck Yashiro, one that reached to the very tips of his fingers and toes. He finally lowered the phone from his ear and stared numbly at it. Of course gay men were interested in Ren. He knew that, since he was one of them. It was absurd of him to imagine otherwise! He had seen the occasional man in the throngs of fans that flocked around his client. It was just...all of those fanboys had never done anything but admire Ren from afar, just like Yashiro.
This man, the contest winner, had broken the rules. He had openly pursued Ren in a way that Yashiro never dared. This Saturday, the man could very well be sliding into a limo next to Ren, could make Ren laugh over his drink, could touch his hand, could pull him onto the dance floor, could press himself up against Ren's exquisite body, could reach up and--
A hard knock on his side made Yashiro stagger. Gasping, he returned to himself and blinked at the bike-riding teenager who had bumped him in passing and now zoomed away down the street. The kid shot him the finger as he vanished over the hill.
With trembling hands, Yashiro closed his phone, replaced it in his jacket pocket, and pulled off the gloves. He began to take deep, even breaths and resumed his walk home.
He was jealous. No point trying to lie to himself. He was. But did he need to be? After all, Yashiro already spent hours each day, six days a week, with Ren. This contest winner would have four hours on one day alone. And even then, it would be only if Ren agreed in the first place. What were four hours, sharing Ren with the two other winners, to Yashiro and Ren's three year relationship? Their three year working relationship, true, but still.
Yashiro swallowed and focused on not tripping while he climbed the stairs to his apartment building's front door and made his way to the elevator.
Yes, Yashiro sat in limos next to Ren, he made Ren laugh, he even touched Ren from time to time, but that's where it always ended. They worked together, and Ren trusted him implicitly. That's where it had to always end.
Right?
Yashiro viciously cut off that wisp of thought, shutting and locking it securely away just as he shut and locked his front door behind him. He had more important things to worry about. Ren needed him. And right now, Ren needed him to do his job.
On that final internal order, Yashiro changed his shoes for slippers, placed the bento box and his schedule book on the side table, and pulled out cell phone and gloves once more. It was time to get to work. That was proof of Yashiro's devotion.
He knew he was dreaming. It was the only explanation for Ren pulling him close, trailing kisses down his neck, and whispering encouragement into his ear. Irritatingly enough, it was the last that seduced Yashiro awake. The sensation of Ren's deep voice murmuring the words Yashiro knew he could never hear in reality was too exquisite to believe, even in dreams.
He woke with a pained breath. Groaning, he scrubbed at his face with his hands, then let his arms flop back to the bed. He lay there, stretched out flat on top of the tangled sheets, and did his best to focus on the pattern of the ceiling rather than the bulge in his boxers. His subconscious was about as subtle as President Takarada in a new costume. It was hardly the first time Ren had a starring role in one of his dreams. It happened rather often, much to Yashiro's consternation.
He sighed and glanced at his bedside clock. 5 AM. Too late to bother trying to return to sleep, particularly with the tent in his shorts that refused to deflate. Yashiro gazed down at it with a resigned expression. He'd have to take care of it himself. As usual. Being single did have its disadvantages.
When he finally left his apartment for his daily jog, the air felt invigorating. Still crisp and cool in the dark of a late autumn dawn, before the sun could begin to bake the cement and pavement, before the sidewalks were jammed with commuters on their way to work or school. This was the magic hour, his private time alone with his thoughts as the streets moved beneath him. On this particular morning, however, his mind refused to settle into the usual calming blankness. No, this morning he felt troubled in the extreme.
Today, Yashiro had to talk with Ren about the male contest winner. He could not even delay until after lunch, it had to happen as soon as possible. What would Ren say? Would the idea of a male date make him react with distaste, even with the two women included? What if he became angry? Or worse--what if he laughed and dismissed the idea as ridiculous? But what about the opposite end of the scale? What if Ren reacted favorably? What if he welcomed the idea of a man on the date? What if the man was gorgeous? What if Ren let the man grope him on the dance floor? What if he welcomed the advances? What if Ren and the gorgeous date clicked and Ren decided to see him again after the date was over and Ren and the date did everything in real life that Yashiro dreamed about and the gorgeous date would be jealous of Yashiro and Ren's close working relationship and he would demand Ren find another manager and the sex would be too good for Ren so he would comply--
Yashiro skidded to a halt on the sidewalk, his breath wheezing in and out in near panic. He reached over and snatched a bucket of water out of the hands of an elderly woman who had been splashing her house's entrance. He emptied the bucket's contents over his head, shook himself once like a dog, and stiffly held the bucket back out to the astonished woman with a silent bow.
She took it back. He continued his run.
"Good morning, Yashiro-san."
The sensation of Ren's deep and smooth voice resonating over Yashiro in real life was far better than he could ever dream. Yashiro swallowed, felt constrained by his tie, and loosened it a fraction while he settled beside Ren on the LME car's back seat.
"Morning," he managed to reply, only barely glancing at his client. Guilt stabbed him. He ruthlessly shoved the memory of his dream into the back of his mind and pushed the button to raise the divider between the front and back seats. He felt the curious look Ren gave him, but let himself ignore it until his briefcase was open in his lap. Then, fully prepared, he steadily met Ren's gaze.
"Ren, Matsushima-san phoned me last night to tell me one of the Dream Date finalists didn't pass her background check." He paused to hold up a profile sheet, complete with photo of the unlucky woman.
Ren glanced at the paper to identify which of the three it was and nodded. "Okay, Hanamoto-san is officially disqualified. So who will be taking her place?"
"That is where it becomes...tricky." Yashiro pushed up his glasses and tightened the internal locks on his emotions at the same time. Business was business. He took a breath and dove in. "Fourth place in the contest is a man."
Surprise flickered across Ren's face, then the actor settled back in his seat with a neutral expression. "Ah. I see."
Yashiro carefully studied him. "Do you?"
"Yes. It would be very good marketing, with all the pro-homosexuality rage in the media these days. And the man did win the contest, after all." Ren slanted a grin at Yashiro, who could only blink in response and was speechless for several seconds while his mind searched for any implied meanings in Ren's words.
Ren raised one eyebrow during the stretch of silence. His grin faded. "It actually is fine with me, Yashiro-san. The male contest winner can be my third date."
Yashiro blinked again, still not quite sure how to react to Ren's straight-forward acceptance.
"My decision has upset you?" Ren asked with a touch of concern.
"Um...no..." Yashiro left the second half of that sentence unspoken: ...but apparently your lack of personal opinion does. He took a breath and explained, "I didn't know which way you would lean," he voiced honestly. "Neither answer would have surprised me."
"You have surprised me, Yashiro-san. A fan's love is a fan's love, after all. Regardless if they are male or female."
Yashiro stared at Ren, shock plain on his face at the simple logic. His cheeks flushed with shame, and he quickly lowered his eyes and stared down at his briefcase. "Forgive me for doubting your dedication, Ren."
Ren's voice was warm. "You don't need to apologize." Yashiro almost jumped when he felt one of the actor's large hands squeeze his shoulder in companionship.
"Most male celebrities would have objected, even if they had been previously open-minded about such things. They would not feel comfortable facing such a potentially volatile situation." He chuckled, the sound sending a fresh wave of chills along Yashiro's skin. "I, however, have no such concerns. More than that, though..."
When Ren let his words trail off, Yashiro glanced over to see Ren smiling at him. His shoulder, still in Ren’s grip, felt like it was on fire.
Ren must have been waiting for Yashiro to meet his eyes, as his smile broadened. "You obviously consider it a good idea as well, or you would have vetoed it from the start. And I trust you, Yashiro-san."
The pure joy that soared through Yashiro as he heard that statement made his very soul sing. He couldn't help himself. A brilliant smile on his face, he reached up and gripped Ren's hand with his own and gave it a warm squeeze.
"I do think it is a good idea, Ren. The fans will eat it up! Be prepared for some wild speculation. And BL doujinshi." Yashiro slipped into fangirl mode, eyes wide and sparkly, hands cutely clasped. "Kyaa! Tsuruga-sama could be gay! Or at least bi! We must draw him with every other bishounen alive! Kyaa kyaaa!"
That made Ren laugh, and Yashiro was devilishly pleased to see a slight blush on his cheeks.
As the day progressed, Yashiro couldn't banish the conversation from his mind. He kept mulling Ren's words over and over, even while he tweaked Ren's schedule and confirmed the acceptance of the male winner's presence on the group date. 'Very good marketing' implied it would be purely a business venture. Ren knew the value of pleasing fans, and this would indeed cause a--mostly--joyful stir. 'A fan's love is a fan's love, after all. Regardless if they are male or female'. That meant Ren valued his male fans as much as his female ones, a sentiment that warmed Yashiro's heart in a not-purely-businesslike manner. The obvious conclusion from both statements was Ren didn't completely eschew male romantic attention. He might not be rolling out the red carpet, but he wasn't slamming the door in its face, either.
Maybe...just maybe...there really was the slightest spark of a chance. Especially when he remembered Ren's 'I, however, have no such concerns' dismissal about being uncomfortable interacting with a romantically interested gay man. If the idea didn't worry Ren in the slightest, maybe...just maybe...the reason was--
Even as the spark kindled up into a tiny flame of hope, Yashiro smothered it. He already knew the reason Ren felt completely comfortable about the gay man joining him on the date. It was the same reason his client felt completely comfortable about the two women who also won the contest: Ren already loved one person. He loved her with a focus that eclipsed ever other potential romance.
Ren loved--
"Yashiro-san?"
At the gentle voice and faint touch on his sleeve, Yashiro glanced up to see Otani watching him with concern. They were sitting at a small break table, where Otani had been temporarily banished while her fellow makeup artists scrambled to deal with a late-arriving Dark Moon co-star.
"You seem rather preoccupied today, Yashiro-san."
He gave the woman a rueful smile and straigtened in his chair. "Forgive me, Otani-kun."
She brushed his concern aside. "It's fine, Yashiro-san. You don't have to say anything, I like silence with you. It's...nice." She flushed underneath her makeup and ducked her head in embarrassment. "I really am happy to just s-sit here."
Yashiro sipped his coffee and studied her thoughtfully. "Otani-kun, why is that? I mean, we both have someone else we love. Nothing romantic is possible between us, so why are you happy to simply sit here next to me? With no possible hope for more?"
Otani fidgeted, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, playing with a ring on her right hand, and finally meeting Yashiro's gaze through her long bangs. "I...I think it's because there is no hope for more." She blushed again and diverted her gaze. "Since I know that, I don't have to be nervous. I don't have to worry what you might think if I'm clumsy, or spill something, or make a fool of myself. I can just...like being next to you."
She waved her hands in a vague and hurried gesture, sending Yashiro's empty coffee mug spinning across the table. He snatched it up before it could whirl off to crash on the floor.
Otani winced and rubbed her hand where she had hit the mug. "S-sorry. I'm really not that nervous. Today, at least." She carefully folded her hands in her lap and sat back. "Um...when there's no hope, there's no pressure, and there's no chance of refusal. It's safer like that."
Yashiro stared at her in astonishment. The woman smiled back at him with a touch of melancholy, then stood and bowed.
"Thank you for joining me for coffee today, Yashiro-san. Until next time." At his silent and wide-eyed nod of acknowledgement, she left the break area.
Otani-kun had given voice to the very thing that Yashiro had been trying to accomplish with his plan. Once Ren and Kyoko were officially together, any hope he might be harboring would be truly smothered. Ren would officially be off-limits, and Yashiro would be safe from his guilty and impossible dreams. Yet hearing his own subconscious reasoning echoed back to him from the lips of a sad, sweet woman made his heart ache.
How he felt now, inside, was so very different from how he had felt in the car. When Ren had gripped his shoulder and told Yashiro how much he trusted him. Even while Yashiro had mocked the fangirls, he'd secretly wanted those silly doujinshi to be drawn. What did that say about him? More than that, Ren had never thanked Yashiro for his interference regarding Kyoko. If anything, Ren seemed rather irritated by it. Yet Yashiro couldn't stop himself, and it was all for his own selfish reasons.
Yashiro scrubbed his hands over his face for the second time that day. Filled with self-loathing, he leaned back in his chair and glared balefully at his clenched fists.
He should pay attention to the man on Ren's group date. Maybe he could learn something about honesty.
[forward to Chapter 4
back to Chapter 2]