I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was
i have had a pretty upsetting two days i found out a lot and i dont really know how to say it all i mean i might have a potential problem and i dont know what to do about it but im going to find out for sure with in the next towo weeks so i really dont want to talk about it till i know if its for sure. Err.. and i have been very stressed outlately
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I figured that I had to say something; because I've been in your position before. When we moved to this craphole...I mean...Cheektowaga/Jail For Kids, I was 12, and just about to be a teenager. I had finally broken out of my shy shell back in Tonawanda (Where we used to live), and had a hard core crush on a guy that was super popular and actually returned a bit of the crush when I asked him to dance and he actually said yes(Teen dances that weren't at schools - they would be held to fundrasie for local little league football games...lol anyway).
It sucked to move. It was hard to make friends. I left my best friend of ten years behind. I left my school behind. It was awful; and I felt trapped here because Cheektowaga has all those trains and crap, and I couldn't just go anywhere (Where as in Tonawanda, I would ride my bike or rollerblade within like a 7 mile radius of my house!).
Anyway - enough with my life, lol, its YOUR blog. Just wanted to establish some common ground!
For your grades - I have merely one word of advice; focus! It can be terribly difficult; especially if you find yourself attracted to a friend who shares your classes, or if the teacher is so boring you find yourself wondering what it would be like to be locked in the school alone with your friends. Find a way to NOT care what your parents or anyone else thinks of your grades. You'll inevitably do better.
It might not make sense, but let me put it into a non-weird and more logical perspective. When a person focuses their attention on being better - sometimes they focus on the facts that that they THINK would improve them, and ignore the ones that actually WILL. Does that make sense, lol ? It's like, learning to do math. If you think doing good will just be memorizing numbers, but you neglect to learn what a + and - sign do, you're screwed.
Anyone, on to fat chicks. Fat chicks are more cushion for the pushin. THEY PUT OUT. SLEEZY GUYS PREY UPON THOSE WHO ARE DESPERATE. Fat girls, not to sound rude or anything (especially coming from a tiny girl like me or my sister it sounds really mean), tend to be more desperate. Why? Because they believe that no one will like them because of the way that they look. Which simply isn't true, but they believe it anyway. So, in that sense, they either 1) become awfully shy and don't speak to anyone; 2) get mean; or 3) get slutty, because they think that putting themselves out there will cause them to get more love. Ever watch any of those talk shows? Ever wonder why all the whores on there looking for their babies daddy or whatever are fat? It's mean, but it's the truth. So at any rate, this guy is not worth your time. No matter how nice he may seem, or how cute he may be, I bet that it is a front he uses...he's like an outgoing people pleaser.
The fact that he knew you liked him and he asked out a girl in front of you was either a sign that he is 1) a complete asshole, or 2) was trying to be nice and communicate to you that he wasn't interested (In which case, means that if you ever DO go out with him, you'll probably end up fighting a lot because he has trouble with miscommunications).
Personally, after having had my fair share of boyfriends and retarded teenager experiences, I don't think any of you guys are smart for wasting your time with men. Teenage girls find themselves...hooked. They think that a guy is going to fix their loneliness problems. In that sense - the woman no longer has the option to become a woman, and instead moves back to something even earlier than a girl, earlier than a child, earlier than an infant. It is because of this strange emotional dependance that girls find themselves molding themselves around another life, another man (Even if the guy is a super control freak, or a super sensitive sweetie!). A Girl ABSOLUTELY MUST discover who she is before she can commit to someone.
(IT's a long-ass advice post...LJ says I went over the character limit so I'm going to post again after this...LOL)
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Now, casual dating, okay, fine. A girl must also know what it is like to feel love and heartbreak before landing her soul mate. I can guarantee you that no matter how many stories you hear about or whatever, that young love does not happen. People NEVER look into the work necessary to maintain a relationship of that calibur. It's like...young people who don't know who they are or what experiences are going to come...they are like...Jello that you put in the fridge...that won't become jello. It's constantly trying to do something, and young lovers go through phases and changes, but can never settle on anything. Three months of a relationship might be good; the next you are trying to decide whether or not you break up; then five months later you're just so bored of the same old same old and need to go out and party.
Anyway, that is my advice. Just ignore it all together. Be you. Once you have the ability to conquer your weaknesses, your tears, your fear, you'll be able to do whatever you want.
And this is the same for the adoption issue. Even if your mother does not have the strength to take on another child, no matter how old your cousin (Was it your cousin?) is, as long as she has the drive to BECOME strong enough, things should work out. I really do hope that the kids find a really good home. It shows so much that you care about the issue enough as is.
As for your undiscussable problem. Discuss it. Hell, if you WANT to confide in anyone - as weird as it sounds. Confide in me. I've got enough years above you and my sis that I might be able to help better, but not enough to distance me like I'm some sorta parent. I've read a lot of your guys' blogs here, and from cutting, pregnancy issues, sex, boys, suicide, drugs...everything. I've either experienced the stuff myself or have been close friends with people who have.
That's about it! I swear!
(BTW, If I offended anyone, sorry. Disclaimer - Katie and I are in no way affiliated with one another; so please don't get upset with her if I mighta made anyone mad [though I don't know how I could have unless one of you is like 600 pounds!] :) :) )
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Well i dont think ne one reading my journal is 600 pounds lol!
Anywho, thankx for the advice its just so hard for me to think about stuff in that way like the whole grade thing i was in school and we were talking about colleges and how they look at our grades and i was thinkin to my self OMG im never going to get into any college and im never going to be able to handle my self when i get out of school. idk this whole grade thing sucks.
Well i do still talk to this guy but i dont think that it will ever amount to anything and if it did i dont think it would last.I was thinkin that i really dont need a guy in my life right now ne way if i cant even handle myself and making me happy.
well ne way thanks for the advice.
Lots of Love
Jessie
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College is a joke!
I got into a GREAT college. Guess what I had?
A GED and the registration fee. I had been out of school for two years when I went to college. SO, unless you plan on going to Harvard or another Ivy League school (which is merely for prestige, not necessarily a quality education), grades don't matter. I mean, jee. I had a GED. That's not even a highschool diploma.
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