elaboration on the last post
alright, now a real post that's not quite so cryptic...
My boss has this chart up by her desk of the development of children showing a cycling between equilibrium and disequilibrium.... disequilibrium being the times when they are likely to be developing new skills, brain pathways or whatever so fast that things are even harder for them to understand/ deal with/ focus on, etc. She used it, for example, as a good illustration of why it is normal for children to gain a new skill, like say potty training, and then slip back into times when they have a lot of accidents again.
i have been feeling a state of disequilibrium about needing to step up to the plate and be a lead teacher who actually deals with the adults who are supposed to be assisting her without wimping out. it is a skill set which is in its early stages of development and is not coming easily. i tend to internalize things and self criticize and have had a pretty depressing couple of weeks stewing in the fact that i know i am not confronting what needs to be confronted and don't want to or want to have to and don't quite know how or believe I can or that it will make much difference once I do.
when i changed jobs a few months ago i thought it would be good for me to work with more of a teaching team in the classroom. this is an experience I had when I started out and its largely how I learned to do my job. I didn't think that other folks might not be quite as eager to learn as I was... or that when you are covering someone elses ass with 15 kids who you are feeling disrespected by, you don't particularly want to find the extra time and patience to figure out how to motivate them to want to not disrespect you... when you are trying to teach a bunch of tiny people how to express themselves and deal with their own emotions and bodies you get pretty annoyed when you realize you have to do the same thing with big people.
i guess the folks who taught me were even better than I realized.
anyways after having supportive conversations with my own superiors, my therapist, my grandmother and my dog, i am gearing myself up this weekend to resume that responsibility on monday... wish me luck.
one of my favorite people responded to my last post and brightened my frustration induced funk. THANK YOU! lj does work! she asked about the lack of seasons.
actually i don't think we are having a lack of spring in texas, although the lack of fall/ winter did get to me last year. but the tress and flowers are blooming here and it is actually staying in the 60s-80s and being very windy and rainy, so i think we've got spring covered this year. which i should be thankful for because it made my spring lesson plan much more experientially relevant!
i am going camping next weekend to take advantge of the pre stifling heat and celebrate goddess fertility imagery cloaked in patriarchal war making cultural isntitutions which happen to give me a day off. i watched the people vs. john lennon recently and kind of wish i was a conceptual performance artist with lots and lots of money and media attention so i could use the easter bunny egg imagery to make a political pun about abortion omlets... instead i just bought a bunny bowling game with soft balls shaped like cabbages and a War is Over If You Want It postcard. in the movie they have yoko, a bunch of ex cia and fbi guys, that guy they got released from jail for smoking two joints, geraldo, angeal davis and bobby seale interviewed... but they talked alot about how they were working with abbie hauffman and that other fuzzy haired radical white boy in new york to organize an anti nixon rock tour... i wondered why those two guys weren't in it.... are they still around- did yoko fall out with them? are they dead or in jail?
i also attended a happy hour goodbye party for a coworker who is going to work fulltime for naral, at which i met bosses writer son from hawaii (who considers himself a surrealist non fictioner) and listened to his analysis of the plight of the native hawaaiins which concluded that their only hope was to let go of their anger at the white man...
anyways thats the news round here...
My boss has this chart up by her desk of the development of children showing a cycling between equilibrium and disequilibrium.... disequilibrium being the times when they are likely to be developing new skills, brain pathways or whatever so fast that things are even harder for them to understand/ deal with/ focus on, etc. She used it, for example, as a good illustration of why it is normal for children to gain a new skill, like say potty training, and then slip back into times when they have a lot of accidents again.
i have been feeling a state of disequilibrium about needing to step up to the plate and be a lead teacher who actually deals with the adults who are supposed to be assisting her without wimping out. it is a skill set which is in its early stages of development and is not coming easily. i tend to internalize things and self criticize and have had a pretty depressing couple of weeks stewing in the fact that i know i am not confronting what needs to be confronted and don't want to or want to have to and don't quite know how or believe I can or that it will make much difference once I do.
when i changed jobs a few months ago i thought it would be good for me to work with more of a teaching team in the classroom. this is an experience I had when I started out and its largely how I learned to do my job. I didn't think that other folks might not be quite as eager to learn as I was... or that when you are covering someone elses ass with 15 kids who you are feeling disrespected by, you don't particularly want to find the extra time and patience to figure out how to motivate them to want to not disrespect you... when you are trying to teach a bunch of tiny people how to express themselves and deal with their own emotions and bodies you get pretty annoyed when you realize you have to do the same thing with big people.
i guess the folks who taught me were even better than I realized.
anyways after having supportive conversations with my own superiors, my therapist, my grandmother and my dog, i am gearing myself up this weekend to resume that responsibility on monday... wish me luck.
one of my favorite people responded to my last post and brightened my frustration induced funk. THANK YOU! lj does work! she asked about the lack of seasons.
actually i don't think we are having a lack of spring in texas, although the lack of fall/ winter did get to me last year. but the tress and flowers are blooming here and it is actually staying in the 60s-80s and being very windy and rainy, so i think we've got spring covered this year. which i should be thankful for because it made my spring lesson plan much more experientially relevant!
i am going camping next weekend to take advantge of the pre stifling heat and celebrate goddess fertility imagery cloaked in patriarchal war making cultural isntitutions which happen to give me a day off. i watched the people vs. john lennon recently and kind of wish i was a conceptual performance artist with lots and lots of money and media attention so i could use the easter bunny egg imagery to make a political pun about abortion omlets... instead i just bought a bunny bowling game with soft balls shaped like cabbages and a War is Over If You Want It postcard. in the movie they have yoko, a bunch of ex cia and fbi guys, that guy they got released from jail for smoking two joints, geraldo, angeal davis and bobby seale interviewed... but they talked alot about how they were working with abbie hauffman and that other fuzzy haired radical white boy in new york to organize an anti nixon rock tour... i wondered why those two guys weren't in it.... are they still around- did yoko fall out with them? are they dead or in jail?
i also attended a happy hour goodbye party for a coworker who is going to work fulltime for naral, at which i met bosses writer son from hawaii (who considers himself a surrealist non fictioner) and listened to his analysis of the plight of the native hawaaiins which concluded that their only hope was to let go of their anger at the white man...
anyways thats the news round here...