(no subject)
So, been doing some not-deathly-psychological thinking today. Sort of offhand, really, when I'm not rushing to do things. About why I had such a great week this past week. Last Saturday was a whirlwind of the good, the bad, the nervous over-analyzing. and then I decided I was desperate enough to stop. Over-analyzing, I mean. Not totally. It will be a while if I'm ever able not to do that. But not thinking so much, or not letting myself think so much before I do or say something, and just doing it if it's good...it's a good feeling. Relaxing. I can chill, and have fun, and say and do what I want. And it's cool. No one thinks the less of me, I'm more at ease, I think I'm more approachable, though I usually am.
I guess you can say you'll do or think a mantra, but until you're desperate enough to just do it and not think about it anymore, you won't. But once you're ready to do it, and to just start doing what your mind or heart wants to throw its passions into for the moment, given it's not bad or neglecting of other things, it's more rewarding and relaxing.
So, no more self-imposed pressure to write masterpieces so young. No more obsessing over doing ideas perfectly start to finish. Just do the research, and try it out. And relax, and keep up with what you should, and do, rather than over-analyze.
I think if I can keep doing, not over-thinking as much, I think I can have great, happy weeks like this more often (:
We finished the bball season this Tuesday. I waited nervously, crying, as I'm an adorably emotional fluff ball of tears for stuff like this, saying goodbye to Cris and Lindz. Waited very patiently for my chance to hug them. Lindz was so sweet, rubbing her hand up and down my back, "I'm gonna miss you"'s sounding from both our mouths. and she meant it, i think. and not having played varsity with her this year, I think that and all the good-natured teasing that was going on the practice the day before between her and me and Cris and Jess and Morg and Kathleen...it was nice.
And Cris..she's the best point guard on the team, on most. Everyone testifies to that. And she was always sweet to me, telling me not to worry when I was confused. she got nervous that night too. I spent the whole game trying to cut deals with God to let us win, for them. I guess you can't cut deals with God. It's a love thing.
And she just grabbed me and hugged me and told me to keep my head up and she'd visit and...it wasn't the standard "I'll miss you", you know. and Morg and Jess were crying, and I checked on M. after and asked if she was cool,and vice versa...it was nice. That's why I love being on the bball team. That game I was in tears on the court...everyone was making sure I was o.k., calling self-called time outs and John having his chin on my head, asking me if I was alright while I cried into a cup of water.
I think it'll be the winter seasons I live for in high school the most. I really think they will. can't wait till next year(:
I guess you can say you'll do or think a mantra, but until you're desperate enough to just do it and not think about it anymore, you won't. But once you're ready to do it, and to just start doing what your mind or heart wants to throw its passions into for the moment, given it's not bad or neglecting of other things, it's more rewarding and relaxing.
So, no more self-imposed pressure to write masterpieces so young. No more obsessing over doing ideas perfectly start to finish. Just do the research, and try it out. And relax, and keep up with what you should, and do, rather than over-analyze.
I think if I can keep doing, not over-thinking as much, I think I can have great, happy weeks like this more often (:
We finished the bball season this Tuesday. I waited nervously, crying, as I'm an adorably emotional fluff ball of tears for stuff like this, saying goodbye to Cris and Lindz. Waited very patiently for my chance to hug them. Lindz was so sweet, rubbing her hand up and down my back, "I'm gonna miss you"'s sounding from both our mouths. and she meant it, i think. and not having played varsity with her this year, I think that and all the good-natured teasing that was going on the practice the day before between her and me and Cris and Jess and Morg and Kathleen...it was nice.
And Cris..she's the best point guard on the team, on most. Everyone testifies to that. And she was always sweet to me, telling me not to worry when I was confused. she got nervous that night too. I spent the whole game trying to cut deals with God to let us win, for them. I guess you can't cut deals with God. It's a love thing.
And she just grabbed me and hugged me and told me to keep my head up and she'd visit and...it wasn't the standard "I'll miss you", you know. and Morg and Jess were crying, and I checked on M. after and asked if she was cool,and vice versa...it was nice. That's why I love being on the bball team. That game I was in tears on the court...everyone was making sure I was o.k., calling self-called time outs and John having his chin on my head, asking me if I was alright while I cried into a cup of water.
I think it'll be the winter seasons I live for in high school the most. I really think they will. can't wait till next year(: