(no subject)
I don't really have anything to say, but i feel like updating anyway.
My life has been so strange lately. I don't know why, or how. But i've been having these weird emotions.
I'm not going to camp this summer. That really hits hard and hurts so bad. What I'm doing, I have no idea.
I have an interview on Thursday with the Office of Environmental Coordination, which is an Office of the Mayor. It's unpaid, though, which means i'll need a job. But one thing at a time, I guess.
I am also almost officially going abroad next year. What sucks is that I am lottery number 17, which would surely guarentee me a single, however, I won't be able to use it. I may sign up for a room anyway if i don't get my official acceptance soon. I mean, i know i'm accepted, but i havn't gotten the forms or filled them out yet and whatnot.
I can't believe the semester is nearly done with. There are so many mixed and confused emotions about that.
That means that next time I come back on Wheaton campus, I will be a senior.
That means that next year I will be a junior, an upperclassman, in college. I think I just got used to the idea of being a high school kid, let alone having to deal with nearly being done with college already.
I also feel like i need a change though. I love my friends here, but i think i need a change. I need something new already. Not that i'm sick of my friends or anything, i don't know what it is exactly. But laura, i feel is just, i don't know. I don't feel as close to her right now as i did a few weeks ago. In fact, i don't feel as close to anyone right now. and that scares me.
I think i need this break abroad.
Classes are pretty good. I may not do so well in Ecology and that too scares me. I wouldn't be happy with a B or lower. I hope to never get a B or lower. I am so afraid. Right now i have a B- in that class, and that is just NOT acceptable. But I try so hard to pay attention in class, it is just so hard to do.
Last test only 2 people got above a B. That is sad. One A and one B+. I see this as the professor's fault.
My weekends are just drinking and wandering. bonfires and parties. All one big blur.
My hookups gross me out about 5 minutes after they happen.
oh and i have a crush that will never happen because the guy is so fucking clueless and awkward.
I want this semester to be over with, but at the same time, I don't want to be home, becuase i know that's worse. And camp is just out of the question, plus i'm not sure i'd want that anyway.
i don't know what i want, where i want to be, who i want to be with, or what i want to be doing.
i guess it's a good thing i'm going abroad soon.
Mel is coming next month, and she is staying with me for like a week and i am so excited to see her.
I miss lauren a lot. When i went home for spring break and hung out with linda, mike, and joe it felt weird and awkward, and i don't know why. and it upset me.
this summer may be weird and awkward.
who am i going to hang out with this summer?
one thing i do want to do, though, is go to six flags new england. really badly. i need to get someone to take me there asap.
yeah. so that is just a jumble of what i've been thinking about lately.
My life has been so strange lately. I don't know why, or how. But i've been having these weird emotions.
I'm not going to camp this summer. That really hits hard and hurts so bad. What I'm doing, I have no idea.
I have an interview on Thursday with the Office of Environmental Coordination, which is an Office of the Mayor. It's unpaid, though, which means i'll need a job. But one thing at a time, I guess.
I am also almost officially going abroad next year. What sucks is that I am lottery number 17, which would surely guarentee me a single, however, I won't be able to use it. I may sign up for a room anyway if i don't get my official acceptance soon. I mean, i know i'm accepted, but i havn't gotten the forms or filled them out yet and whatnot.
I can't believe the semester is nearly done with. There are so many mixed and confused emotions about that.
That means that next time I come back on Wheaton campus, I will be a senior.
That means that next year I will be a junior, an upperclassman, in college. I think I just got used to the idea of being a high school kid, let alone having to deal with nearly being done with college already.
I also feel like i need a change though. I love my friends here, but i think i need a change. I need something new already. Not that i'm sick of my friends or anything, i don't know what it is exactly. But laura, i feel is just, i don't know. I don't feel as close to her right now as i did a few weeks ago. In fact, i don't feel as close to anyone right now. and that scares me.
I think i need this break abroad.
Classes are pretty good. I may not do so well in Ecology and that too scares me. I wouldn't be happy with a B or lower. I hope to never get a B or lower. I am so afraid. Right now i have a B- in that class, and that is just NOT acceptable. But I try so hard to pay attention in class, it is just so hard to do.
Last test only 2 people got above a B. That is sad. One A and one B+. I see this as the professor's fault.
My weekends are just drinking and wandering. bonfires and parties. All one big blur.
My hookups gross me out about 5 minutes after they happen.
oh and i have a crush that will never happen because the guy is so fucking clueless and awkward.
I want this semester to be over with, but at the same time, I don't want to be home, becuase i know that's worse. And camp is just out of the question, plus i'm not sure i'd want that anyway.
i don't know what i want, where i want to be, who i want to be with, or what i want to be doing.
i guess it's a good thing i'm going abroad soon.
Mel is coming next month, and she is staying with me for like a week and i am so excited to see her.
I miss lauren a lot. When i went home for spring break and hung out with linda, mike, and joe it felt weird and awkward, and i don't know why. and it upset me.
this summer may be weird and awkward.
who am i going to hang out with this summer?
one thing i do want to do, though, is go to six flags new england. really badly. i need to get someone to take me there asap.
yeah. so that is just a jumble of what i've been thinking about lately.