(no subject)
Fuck my new years rocked. After work on thursday I decide to help Gavin move house. The ENTIRE time he moans like a little bitch that I should come to Papamoa with him and the flat guys. After 2 hours of his constant bitching I cave in. I went home and told the olds what I was doing. Dad diddn't care about the fact I was skipping the last 2 days of my contract at k-mart, and wished me a good time. My mum on the other hand went apeshit, Yelling and bringing in all these irrelivant snide remarks, which hurt quite alot, I know I haven't been the most honest son to either of them and at times, treated them like shit. But doesn't the fact I'm fronting up to both of them and telling them exactly what I'm doing show them that I've gotten passed the stage of trying to deceive them?
Anyway, I think mum went into her room to gather herself because I diddn't see her untill after I had loaded up my car with all my shit. Her and Dad were having a smoke in the garage and I went and said my goodbyes and told them when I'd be back. Dad told me not to drink myself stupid and I reassured him I wouldn't. I kissed him then my mum, and she diddn't even look at me. That hurt alot too. But I lent over and whispered in her ear "You know I'll always love you mum" Mearly a croak, as I was pritty fucking upset, and went on my merry way. Got to Gavins place. Had about 3 smokes in the space of 8 mins and told him what happend because we was keen to know what took me so long. It had just gone 7:30pm when I rolled up at gavins. And he was keen to get going so we loaded up his stuff then Boosted (LASER POWA!) it out of Hamilton. Stopping at a service station just before the cambridge highway to check tire pressure, get petrol and a drink. Then we started off. About 9:00pm it was pitch black, pissing down with rain and there was some pritty nasty wind. It gradually got worse as we approached the Kaimai's. Once pritty much over the mountians and out of the clouds that were causeing us so much grief, the weather let up. Turns out it was only a temporary thing. We got to about half way down the other side when the rain and wind hit us. I slowed down to accomidate the conditions, then after just clearing a pritty sharp turn, the arse end of my car starts sliding out to the left, I don't over steer, pull the wheel slightly to the right, thinking that will even us out, wrong, the right side swings out and we keep going across the meadian strip, we are now in on comming traffic lanes. In the few seconds since this started I had gradully applied the breaks and changed down to 3rd gear in case I needed to power out of any hazard. The car suddenly comes free of the slide and I promptly put us back in the right lane. Theres nothing said between Gavin and myself untill we both look at each other and start laughing about how close we came to dying a second time on the way over the Kaimai's. (Theres another story in that but I haven't got the patience to tell it right now)
I pull in at the first gas station we come across and look at the tires for clues. one of my back tires is pritty much completely flat. Its not fucking suprise my arse end flew out. I over fill it and theres no noticeable leaking. so we carry on our way to papamoa. Gavin takes over the driving. No discredit to my driving. He likes driving my car. I was driving way under the speed limit and giving myself plently of space. But the condition my tire was in, managed to override my precautions regardless.
We end up texting Josh whos already arrived at the batch with Rusty, to find the address. Josh sounds pritty pissed so we decide to hurry up as the more josh drinks, The more unreliable his speech is.
After a few confused phone calls, josh comes out of the house we were parked directly infront of and guides us in. we pull up. grab our Bourborn. and start drinking.
Rustys pritty drunk by the time we arrive. We have a few card games and rusty invites some of his mates over that are in the area. pritty fucking dodgy guys. they end up leaving a few hours later and we're all pritty pissed. Aaron makes some comment about rusty never hurting a fly which provockes rusty to kick his legs out and send him crashing to the garage floor, rusty following suit and falling ontop of him. Much to the ammusement of everyone else. a few minutes later, I hear rusty blurt out "Oh shit!" hes tripped over his feet and stumbling his way into me. we both go flying onto a table. Rusty then decides to go for a walk. I don't see him untill hes being held in gavins arms as the pair and Josh are walking down the driveway. Good times. Rusty thought he'd go down to the beach for a walk, got lost, and came back. Gavin and josh went looking for him and brought him back about half an hour later.
We all went to bed after that. except rusty. he had some puking to do.
The next day we rampaged through the mount for a few hours. then me and gavin drove around tauranga for a while. Visiting his relations. Gavin then gets a phone call and we head toward a service station in the middle of tauranga. Parked out front of the carwash is Jamie, Gavins uncle, auntie, two cousins, and his workmate Zane. 4 cars in total, including mine. just having a catch up. we stood around for a while then some pissed off attendant came out and told us all to fuck off unpolitely. We all gave him shit then fucked off and went our seperate ways.
Plan was to meet up at a family friends place and get on the piss. Zane, his missus, and her friend follow us back to the batch and we bum around there untill we all get into my car and go out to the gathering after having a swim and a shower. we go out there for a few hours, then we come back, me driving since I haddn't had anything to drink. we all procede to get slaughtered. then make plans to go the local pub to celebrate new years. 10pm rolls around and we're all pritty damn drunk. we start walking. get about half way there and we can't be fucked anymore. conveiniently a bus pulls up which is taking people to the mount for $5 per person. Hooray! we all climb aboard and make our jolly way to the mount singing "mooloo ollaye ollaye ollaye!" We get there and make a made dash to find a place thats not already full up or priviately booked. we find a pritty empty karaoke bar and claim it as our own. Now, this is where I was starting to get fed up. everyone I knew was already talking to each other and was paired up quite nicely. Martin gets cocky. I walk/stagger up to the only person standing at the bar. she's in her late 30's, tight white tank-top, jeans, and wearing a leather jacket. the kind of woman that could knock out most guys. I polietly introduce myself. ask her how nights going. then ask the most original questions I could come up with, which I think I did quite well considering my head was floating in a miasma of bourborn and beer. Shes a local thats just finished her degree in sea diving. Single mother, divorced and has just bought a Holden commodore. I've hit the jackpot. Confident, carrier woman, on the prowl (which I discover later) and just comming out of her married shell. Marty takes a risk. I ask her if shes a regular in the club or if shes hoping to take advantage of young men that have let their guards down. She replies "Depends what talent shows up, right now, im going for the regular act..."
Me: "Talent?! I'm offended! here I was thinking I was the apple of your eye"
Her: *Laughs* "We'll see hot shot. Here, let me get you a beer"
Me: "I know my jeans have holes in them but do I look that poor?"
Her: *giggles* "Yeah, I like the ones that reek of bourborn and dress like shit"
Me: "Im pritty sure Im not the only one thats stuck in the eighties, Tina turner"
This goes on for about 2 hours. its now 1:30am. I tell her im going to head off, I'm tired, I go to leave. and she plants one on my lips. in full view of the bar. I manage to cover up my school girl reaction quite well. and to my dissapointment, gavin diddn't see. she gives me her phone number. which I quickly stuff in my pocket and head for the door.
In my own mind, I am the man.
I make my way through 14 year old underagers trying to act drunk, and make my way to the main coastal road. about an hour into my journey, I come across Tommy, a 35 year old Maori guy. and some other random guy. they invite me onto thier bit of pavement and we all take swigs of Tommy's wineskin for about half an hour. Marty doesn't have a very high tolerance for wine, it makes him very drunk.
Tommy and I make our way down the road about 500 metres, then come across a house with a huge tree out the front with x-mas lights all over it. no shit. this thing must of been about 30 metres high. so we stand out the front admireing it, when all of a sudden a bunch of drunk aussies come walking out of the garage to ask us about the tree. After the usual I like your decorations bullshit. they invite us in for drinks. The wines given me cotton mouth. I say hell yeah. Tommy diddn't even wait for an invite. hes already in there lining up shots of tequlia for me and him and the host. I stumble in and the host is introducing us to everyone. I walk passed everyone, who are at least 5 years my senior, looking at me like im expected to introduce myself personally. go straight for the shot. jam it down. then very loudly proclaim every one at the party is now my friend. The aussies find this amusing and I get rewarded for being a drunken asshole with a beer being passed to me. Its Waikato. I then informed my host that I take back everything nasty I've ever said about Aussies. More laughter. I've over done myself. They want the National Anthaem....In Maori. I do my best. Tommy joins in quite proudly and holds me tight. He covers the lack of the song on my behalf quite well. Its over. Many cheers. I then realise my bladders been telling for the last half hour I need to go. I quickly make my way to the toilet. which is a slightly coverd bush outside the garage. I shamelessly open my fly and let rip. After Im done I turn around to notice I've got an audicence. The two hosts of the party. and some other aussie girl. looked about my age. They inform me that little sister would like to talk to me. seeing as all the other guys have girlfriends. Marty can't believe his luck.
I had just pissed all over your herb garden and now your trying to set me up with your little sister?
The fuck is wrong with you people?!?!
again. shame is out of the question. I say sure thing. we sit at a make shift bar inside and talk for about twenty minutes. we get onto the topic of new year kisses. Shes never apparently had one. I tell her there nothing exciting. its just basicly, grab the nearest person of the opposite sex. and trade saliva.
She tells me to wait a second. she runs off upstairs for about 5 mins. then comes back down. She wants to try it out. By the luck I was having that night. I decide to give it my all. She'd just brushed her teeth.
I kissed her solidly for about 15 seconds then pulled away. Im not quite sure how to explain her expression but "holyshit/awe" fits pritty well. Due to that huge menthol hit mixing with all the shit I had been drinking in the last 10 hours, I felt like my nights boozing was about to say hello again. She said she wanted a picture or something. my memory gets bad here. I make a decision to gap it while shes occupied, as not to insult the throng of aussies surounding me. I grab Tommy and we start mishing it down the road for about an hour. we come across another party. we cruise in. we cruise out. with a six pack of tui and lion red cans each. we get chased a little by the kids at the party. Tommy gets angry. the kids disapate. we continue on our drunken rampage. untill where pritty much at the end of the mount costal road. Tommy and I part ways. Now I am all alone, in a unknowen town. so pissed Im barely able to stand, and haven't had any sleep in over 18 hours. I get a bareing on where Im going. manage to find the road I need to be on. and start the second part of my journey. I'm walking for what seems like hours. then it starts raining. its light. im shivering, still drunk, and im confused as to how far i've come. I look to the mail boxes. still 100 houses short. I start to jog. my bladder doesn't like this, and hence threatens to make me piss myself. I run across the road to the dunes and let loose. I manage to not draw a crowd this time and sprint off down the road while the rain is chaseing me. I stumble in the door at 6:15am
the sun is almost fully up. im wet. hungry. and still pissed as a fart. I grab my covers and pillow, and promptly crumple into the spread eagle position and pass out.
My legs and hips are still acheing after that walk.
Totally worth it though.
Drunken Rampaging through foreign towns is awesome.
Anyway, I think mum went into her room to gather herself because I diddn't see her untill after I had loaded up my car with all my shit. Her and Dad were having a smoke in the garage and I went and said my goodbyes and told them when I'd be back. Dad told me not to drink myself stupid and I reassured him I wouldn't. I kissed him then my mum, and she diddn't even look at me. That hurt alot too. But I lent over and whispered in her ear "You know I'll always love you mum" Mearly a croak, as I was pritty fucking upset, and went on my merry way. Got to Gavins place. Had about 3 smokes in the space of 8 mins and told him what happend because we was keen to know what took me so long. It had just gone 7:30pm when I rolled up at gavins. And he was keen to get going so we loaded up his stuff then Boosted (LASER POWA!) it out of Hamilton. Stopping at a service station just before the cambridge highway to check tire pressure, get petrol and a drink. Then we started off. About 9:00pm it was pitch black, pissing down with rain and there was some pritty nasty wind. It gradually got worse as we approached the Kaimai's. Once pritty much over the mountians and out of the clouds that were causeing us so much grief, the weather let up. Turns out it was only a temporary thing. We got to about half way down the other side when the rain and wind hit us. I slowed down to accomidate the conditions, then after just clearing a pritty sharp turn, the arse end of my car starts sliding out to the left, I don't over steer, pull the wheel slightly to the right, thinking that will even us out, wrong, the right side swings out and we keep going across the meadian strip, we are now in on comming traffic lanes. In the few seconds since this started I had gradully applied the breaks and changed down to 3rd gear in case I needed to power out of any hazard. The car suddenly comes free of the slide and I promptly put us back in the right lane. Theres nothing said between Gavin and myself untill we both look at each other and start laughing about how close we came to dying a second time on the way over the Kaimai's. (Theres another story in that but I haven't got the patience to tell it right now)
I pull in at the first gas station we come across and look at the tires for clues. one of my back tires is pritty much completely flat. Its not fucking suprise my arse end flew out. I over fill it and theres no noticeable leaking. so we carry on our way to papamoa. Gavin takes over the driving. No discredit to my driving. He likes driving my car. I was driving way under the speed limit and giving myself plently of space. But the condition my tire was in, managed to override my precautions regardless.
We end up texting Josh whos already arrived at the batch with Rusty, to find the address. Josh sounds pritty pissed so we decide to hurry up as the more josh drinks, The more unreliable his speech is.
After a few confused phone calls, josh comes out of the house we were parked directly infront of and guides us in. we pull up. grab our Bourborn. and start drinking.
Rustys pritty drunk by the time we arrive. We have a few card games and rusty invites some of his mates over that are in the area. pritty fucking dodgy guys. they end up leaving a few hours later and we're all pritty pissed. Aaron makes some comment about rusty never hurting a fly which provockes rusty to kick his legs out and send him crashing to the garage floor, rusty following suit and falling ontop of him. Much to the ammusement of everyone else. a few minutes later, I hear rusty blurt out "Oh shit!" hes tripped over his feet and stumbling his way into me. we both go flying onto a table. Rusty then decides to go for a walk. I don't see him untill hes being held in gavins arms as the pair and Josh are walking down the driveway. Good times. Rusty thought he'd go down to the beach for a walk, got lost, and came back. Gavin and josh went looking for him and brought him back about half an hour later.
We all went to bed after that. except rusty. he had some puking to do.
The next day we rampaged through the mount for a few hours. then me and gavin drove around tauranga for a while. Visiting his relations. Gavin then gets a phone call and we head toward a service station in the middle of tauranga. Parked out front of the carwash is Jamie, Gavins uncle, auntie, two cousins, and his workmate Zane. 4 cars in total, including mine. just having a catch up. we stood around for a while then some pissed off attendant came out and told us all to fuck off unpolitely. We all gave him shit then fucked off and went our seperate ways.
Plan was to meet up at a family friends place and get on the piss. Zane, his missus, and her friend follow us back to the batch and we bum around there untill we all get into my car and go out to the gathering after having a swim and a shower. we go out there for a few hours, then we come back, me driving since I haddn't had anything to drink. we all procede to get slaughtered. then make plans to go the local pub to celebrate new years. 10pm rolls around and we're all pritty damn drunk. we start walking. get about half way there and we can't be fucked anymore. conveiniently a bus pulls up which is taking people to the mount for $5 per person. Hooray! we all climb aboard and make our jolly way to the mount singing "mooloo ollaye ollaye ollaye!" We get there and make a made dash to find a place thats not already full up or priviately booked. we find a pritty empty karaoke bar and claim it as our own. Now, this is where I was starting to get fed up. everyone I knew was already talking to each other and was paired up quite nicely. Martin gets cocky. I walk/stagger up to the only person standing at the bar. she's in her late 30's, tight white tank-top, jeans, and wearing a leather jacket. the kind of woman that could knock out most guys. I polietly introduce myself. ask her how nights going. then ask the most original questions I could come up with, which I think I did quite well considering my head was floating in a miasma of bourborn and beer. Shes a local thats just finished her degree in sea diving. Single mother, divorced and has just bought a Holden commodore. I've hit the jackpot. Confident, carrier woman, on the prowl (which I discover later) and just comming out of her married shell. Marty takes a risk. I ask her if shes a regular in the club or if shes hoping to take advantage of young men that have let their guards down. She replies "Depends what talent shows up, right now, im going for the regular act..."
Me: "Talent?! I'm offended! here I was thinking I was the apple of your eye"
Her: *Laughs* "We'll see hot shot. Here, let me get you a beer"
Me: "I know my jeans have holes in them but do I look that poor?"
Her: *giggles* "Yeah, I like the ones that reek of bourborn and dress like shit"
Me: "Im pritty sure Im not the only one thats stuck in the eighties, Tina turner"
This goes on for about 2 hours. its now 1:30am. I tell her im going to head off, I'm tired, I go to leave. and she plants one on my lips. in full view of the bar. I manage to cover up my school girl reaction quite well. and to my dissapointment, gavin diddn't see. she gives me her phone number. which I quickly stuff in my pocket and head for the door.
In my own mind, I am the man.
I make my way through 14 year old underagers trying to act drunk, and make my way to the main coastal road. about an hour into my journey, I come across Tommy, a 35 year old Maori guy. and some other random guy. they invite me onto thier bit of pavement and we all take swigs of Tommy's wineskin for about half an hour. Marty doesn't have a very high tolerance for wine, it makes him very drunk.
Tommy and I make our way down the road about 500 metres, then come across a house with a huge tree out the front with x-mas lights all over it. no shit. this thing must of been about 30 metres high. so we stand out the front admireing it, when all of a sudden a bunch of drunk aussies come walking out of the garage to ask us about the tree. After the usual I like your decorations bullshit. they invite us in for drinks. The wines given me cotton mouth. I say hell yeah. Tommy diddn't even wait for an invite. hes already in there lining up shots of tequlia for me and him and the host. I stumble in and the host is introducing us to everyone. I walk passed everyone, who are at least 5 years my senior, looking at me like im expected to introduce myself personally. go straight for the shot. jam it down. then very loudly proclaim every one at the party is now my friend. The aussies find this amusing and I get rewarded for being a drunken asshole with a beer being passed to me. Its Waikato. I then informed my host that I take back everything nasty I've ever said about Aussies. More laughter. I've over done myself. They want the National Anthaem....In Maori. I do my best. Tommy joins in quite proudly and holds me tight. He covers the lack of the song on my behalf quite well. Its over. Many cheers. I then realise my bladders been telling for the last half hour I need to go. I quickly make my way to the toilet. which is a slightly coverd bush outside the garage. I shamelessly open my fly and let rip. After Im done I turn around to notice I've got an audicence. The two hosts of the party. and some other aussie girl. looked about my age. They inform me that little sister would like to talk to me. seeing as all the other guys have girlfriends. Marty can't believe his luck.
I had just pissed all over your herb garden and now your trying to set me up with your little sister?
The fuck is wrong with you people?!?!
again. shame is out of the question. I say sure thing. we sit at a make shift bar inside and talk for about twenty minutes. we get onto the topic of new year kisses. Shes never apparently had one. I tell her there nothing exciting. its just basicly, grab the nearest person of the opposite sex. and trade saliva.
She tells me to wait a second. she runs off upstairs for about 5 mins. then comes back down. She wants to try it out. By the luck I was having that night. I decide to give it my all. She'd just brushed her teeth.
I kissed her solidly for about 15 seconds then pulled away. Im not quite sure how to explain her expression but "holyshit/awe" fits pritty well. Due to that huge menthol hit mixing with all the shit I had been drinking in the last 10 hours, I felt like my nights boozing was about to say hello again. She said she wanted a picture or something. my memory gets bad here. I make a decision to gap it while shes occupied, as not to insult the throng of aussies surounding me. I grab Tommy and we start mishing it down the road for about an hour. we come across another party. we cruise in. we cruise out. with a six pack of tui and lion red cans each. we get chased a little by the kids at the party. Tommy gets angry. the kids disapate. we continue on our drunken rampage. untill where pritty much at the end of the mount costal road. Tommy and I part ways. Now I am all alone, in a unknowen town. so pissed Im barely able to stand, and haven't had any sleep in over 18 hours. I get a bareing on where Im going. manage to find the road I need to be on. and start the second part of my journey. I'm walking for what seems like hours. then it starts raining. its light. im shivering, still drunk, and im confused as to how far i've come. I look to the mail boxes. still 100 houses short. I start to jog. my bladder doesn't like this, and hence threatens to make me piss myself. I run across the road to the dunes and let loose. I manage to not draw a crowd this time and sprint off down the road while the rain is chaseing me. I stumble in the door at 6:15am
the sun is almost fully up. im wet. hungry. and still pissed as a fart. I grab my covers and pillow, and promptly crumple into the spread eagle position and pass out.
My legs and hips are still acheing after that walk.
Totally worth it though.
Drunken Rampaging through foreign towns is awesome.