(no subject)
Wow. It has been such a long time since the last time I've updated. Sorry to all three of the people who read this. But anyway, read this now if you've got the time. It looks like this is going to be a long one.
Last night I wrote three pages in my journal about some things that I've been dealing with personally and that no one has any idea about (until now I guess). I regret having any recording of it, but I'm not going to rip it or anything, this time I actually want something to remind me of the times that I've just let my guard down, internally, to see the feelings that I've been avoiding ever since I arrived here. Again these were some issues that I had with myself about people that had the biggest impact on me. It was around midnight and I had way too much decaffeinated coffee. Yes, I drink decaf, it's not for wusses, it's for people who love how coffee tastes and not the affect it has on you! I need my Kafka book, I can't function properly (or write for that matter) without reading a page from his journal. I spend too much time alone. I need to be around people more often (other than school).
I've been having a lot of physical pain. I think it's from the 3-hour tennis practices that I have everyday right after school. Yes, I've joined the tennis team. Well the pain is slowly going away, I'm getting used to the muscle strength that's needed from tennis. Anyway, enough about that. I've been feeling certain things about a certain person that I promised myself that I would not feel. If I even get into that...probably every psychology student would want to analyze me for their term paper. Maybe that's it, I've been feeling like everybody's guinea pig. Everyone just tests what they want on me and then leave. I have not let that affect me, but I'm beginning to question the coldness of my heart. Is it really healthy for me and everyone around me to use my logic more than my feelings? Don't even mind that, that was just a moment of self contemplation. Logic is best. I have never and will never let feelings or anything along those lines get in the way of my personal goals and beliefs. I will always use logic. Logic is best. You don't feel things with your heart, you feel them because of hormones and nerves in your brain and around your body-but not your heart. The heart is just a muscle that would fail without electrical impulses from the brain. To you , readers and Jaime (who probably is the only reader), this may sound like incoherent drivel, but you have to be in my mind to understand what I'm rambling on about. That's why I don't judge even my arch enemies or anyone else because I will not understand why they do things the way they do without being in their mind from the moment they are born to the monet they die. That is why I don't believe in psychologists and psychiatrists "analyzing" people once a week $127 an hour for for three weeks. IT is all biased, I am biased. Although I can't be the judge of that. I have to go do the dishes now.
P.S.-If something doesn't make sense (grammatical errors, etc.) then I'm sorry. It's too hard for me to read this to proof it.
Last night I wrote three pages in my journal about some things that I've been dealing with personally and that no one has any idea about (until now I guess). I regret having any recording of it, but I'm not going to rip it or anything, this time I actually want something to remind me of the times that I've just let my guard down, internally, to see the feelings that I've been avoiding ever since I arrived here. Again these were some issues that I had with myself about people that had the biggest impact on me. It was around midnight and I had way too much decaffeinated coffee. Yes, I drink decaf, it's not for wusses, it's for people who love how coffee tastes and not the affect it has on you! I need my Kafka book, I can't function properly (or write for that matter) without reading a page from his journal. I spend too much time alone. I need to be around people more often (other than school).
I've been having a lot of physical pain. I think it's from the 3-hour tennis practices that I have everyday right after school. Yes, I've joined the tennis team. Well the pain is slowly going away, I'm getting used to the muscle strength that's needed from tennis. Anyway, enough about that. I've been feeling certain things about a certain person that I promised myself that I would not feel. If I even get into that...probably every psychology student would want to analyze me for their term paper. Maybe that's it, I've been feeling like everybody's guinea pig. Everyone just tests what they want on me and then leave. I have not let that affect me, but I'm beginning to question the coldness of my heart. Is it really healthy for me and everyone around me to use my logic more than my feelings? Don't even mind that, that was just a moment of self contemplation. Logic is best. I have never and will never let feelings or anything along those lines get in the way of my personal goals and beliefs. I will always use logic. Logic is best. You don't feel things with your heart, you feel them because of hormones and nerves in your brain and around your body-but not your heart. The heart is just a muscle that would fail without electrical impulses from the brain. To you , readers and Jaime (who probably is the only reader), this may sound like incoherent drivel, but you have to be in my mind to understand what I'm rambling on about. That's why I don't judge even my arch enemies or anyone else because I will not understand why they do things the way they do without being in their mind from the moment they are born to the monet they die. That is why I don't believe in psychologists and psychiatrists "analyzing" people once a week $127 an hour for for three weeks. IT is all biased, I am biased. Although I can't be the judge of that. I have to go do the dishes now.
P.S.-If something doesn't make sense (grammatical errors, etc.) then I'm sorry. It's too hard for me to read this to proof it.