(no subject)
what a day what a day. i got really really sad today because i know things are forever over with david. and that's just sad. because i love him...to an extent and thought i'd continue to grow to love him more and more for...forever. but i guess it's not meant to be. i guess. it's disappointing. i just...he's david. he's everything. but surprisingly i didn't get all "oh i'm not good enough for him or anyone else". i was mostly just grieving for that part of my life dying. i was always so happy with him. he made me happy. and he made my life so much better. so much more livable. it's a shame. so it's not like i've been all "poor me" or anything, i just was...grieving. i'm accepting it. i'm going to be okay. and i know this is it for good. i know if he's not the one than someone else is. and i can wait. i know i am still not ready to be with anyone. i just wish i was! that's all. but i was all sad so i called elizabeth. elizabeth is my best friend from when i lived in dallas from the time i was 2 until 7. the last time i talked to her or saw her was when we were seven. her birthday is one day before mine. how cute. so it's been 10 years! and i got her number a few months ago and i've been trying to call her, but i never could get a hold of her. but her brother answered tonight and he gave me her cell phone number. and she answered! and it was sooooo cool! so we talked for a while. i'm not even sure how long. but then she let me go, but she's going to call me back at 9. i can't wait. that got me soooo happy. just really really happy. i missed her so much! i'm going to have to go see her soon. but then i came home. and bad things happened. it started out about me not going to the avon meeting. this was between me and my dad by the way. and then it turned into this big thing. and i was crying. and he was...ugh. but i ended up finally telling him i was raped. and that's...the hardest thing i've ever had to do. it just about killed me. and i am going to stop talking about it, cuz i just can't. it's a relief...but i just...god. mm mm. i can't talk about it...