fed up.... and thats for damn sure!
okay guys.....heres a little advise.....dont get involved with BOYS. Joby.. i know that you are never going to see this but i could care less right about now.......
Dear Joby,
I will never let a guy alter my life again. I am done with you treating me little shit, like an anmial. Through the past year i have put up with the lieing, the cheating, the mind games, the sympany, the emotional and mental abuse of making me feel sorry for you for your past relationasips. But now i see that the reason they were all bad was because of you. You are a selfish boy that needs to grow up and realize that mommy and daddy cant take care of you and fix all the is wrong for you. Take responsiblity for your actions. You said that by bringing up the past is throwing it in your face. No its not. It was just letting you realize what the fuck you put me through.The hell that i inquired for about a year. And you really dont have any remose do you. You just keep saying its in the past...its in the past. Right... but the past doesnt go away. You dont understand why im still learning to trust you?......you cant just treat a person like shit for a year and expect them to be okay and totally devoted to you overnight. You BROKE my heart....no no no...that word is not strong enough.......you SHATTERED my heart...but you know what...i will grow from this mistake........i will learn....you.....you will always be a little spoiled nobody that feeds on other peoples minds,heart and soul...making them feel like shit for what you lack...for what you can never do or accomplish to make your self feel my powerful and useful. Lets see how quick that gets you to the top. How much respect you get. You will be lonely for the REST of your life...but if you do get lucky and find someone that will put up with as much shit that i have put up with...pity on her... because she is fucking stupid to give you the satisfaction of love. You dont understand that word and you prob. never will. You think you do... but you have NO idea. So many times i thought you would change and grow up but thats like saying you can change concrete into water. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN> You have been this way for 21 years now...why would one honest, caring,loving, tenderhearted girl change that?. I have no FUCKING clue. But hell... why would anyone want to change from being a cheating,lieing, heartless asshole to a honest nice guy? Are you afraid you will lose your game? your "player" name? I have seen you cry. I have seen EVERY part of you and then some that prob. nobody ever will. but you know what i have come to realize. I wasted a year of MY life to try and change someone ...not for the bad.... for the best and i get treated like i have done something wrong. i use to think that love was something hard...love was something that you had to work hard to get. No its not. THATS RESPECT. and you have gained none from me. I dont see you as a player or a guy that knows how to play his cards. I see you as a one faced person that has no idea how to love.No idea how to care. I will not let you bring me down with you. Unlike you joby... i have class,a future,a leveled head,and by a long run.. a fucking heart. It might be broked and fucked up but i never let you get the best that i had to offer and thats my life. You never had that and you will never share that with me ever. You told me what you wanted tonight and im not crawling back like i did for a solid year. I will not lower my standards to meet yours.i have made myself SICK from trying to please you ad its not your fault. I let it happen to me and i will never do that again. Ite nw my choice to turn my life back around. I might have to start all over but at least im making the effort to better myself which is the least i can say about you. So have fun with other girls,have funtrying to find love. because you will never find the kind of love i showed you EVER AGAIN and thats a fucking promise and the truth.I'm sorry i wanst what you expected. Did you expect something better? Well...im sorry sweetie. It doesnt get any better that what you once had.