*headdesk*
So, you know what? Fuck you, my shiny generation. Fuck you and your stoners and your pricks and your terribly dull and horribly unentertaining self. All I did back in high school (and even before it, I'm sure) was talk about how I couldn't wait to be out of school so I could go out and do something with my life and be a gamedesigner/autocaddrafter/forensicscientistlabrat and how I could be so much better than my other or anyone else in my family and how I'd make something of myself and make money and take care of the people I loved. I looked at colleges and I set my hopes high and I got jobs when I got a car to support myself and then I moved out all on my fucking own to a state I didn't know and I felt so grown up.
And then I stopped progressing and let myself get in a slump and stagnate and get lazy and think that I can blame it on being depressed when I can't. Not anymore, not after I insisted that I knew what I was doing and that it was what I really wanted and that I could too do it, thank you so much for your vote of confidence. And I totally don't regret moving, but I do regret letting myself be blinded by childish desires.
I don't need a spiffy four-year education that tells me I can lay claim to a bachelorette, or a masters or whatever the fuck you earn in universities. Okay, yeah, sure, I thought it would be awesome, but realistically? I know that nothing like that would ever hold my interest for very long. I've got a short-fucking attention span. I really do. It's why I don't post in my livejournal anymore. It's why it takes me so long to finish video games. It's why I take interest in things like learning German, or Japanese and spend money on learning the subjects before I quickly get distracted by something else. Being a game designer would bore me because I'd either have to be creative all the time, or I'd have work within the same limitations, all the time. Autocad is too much fucking math and calculations for me to be all 8D YAY LET'S DO THAT NAO and being a forensic lab technician would get old pretty fast with all the group work I'd have to do on top of the fact that I'm not bullheaded enough anymore to not admit that atleast some of the things that would come through would get me a little squeamish.
So fuck my generation and their shiny educations. My friends? If they go on to get educations like that, then I'm really happy for them, and I'm proud of them - extremely so. I think it's great that you're doing what you want to do and you've got a chance to do it. But it's not for me. I don't want to master a subject. I want to learn how to do things I like. I don't want to be a 'professional student' either.
So, I'm going to go to a vocational school so that the rest of my generation can go and get smart and go to parties and, I don't know, buy drugs or drink and drive and while they're all off living the high-life, I'll make my living off of fixing all the cars they wreck and then my friends and I will go buy land in rural Colorado somewhere and build solar/wind powered houses and grow gardens and raise animals and live half off of self-sustained food and I'll get a wolfdog - not because they're cool or mysterious or one with the earth or anything like that but because they're fluffy and huggable) and maybe somewhere down the line I'll learn a few cool things like how to design games, or program computers or build full-functioning interactive web pages or a foreign language or something and learn how not to make run-on sentences.
But until then, I'm going to enjoy reading porn and roleplaying with my friends on forums and try to learn to stop neglecting my lj and shit while I look for a job to help me pay rent and buy groceries and go places.
And then I stopped progressing and let myself get in a slump and stagnate and get lazy and think that I can blame it on being depressed when I can't. Not anymore, not after I insisted that I knew what I was doing and that it was what I really wanted and that I could too do it, thank you so much for your vote of confidence. And I totally don't regret moving, but I do regret letting myself be blinded by childish desires.
I don't need a spiffy four-year education that tells me I can lay claim to a bachelorette, or a masters or whatever the fuck you earn in universities. Okay, yeah, sure, I thought it would be awesome, but realistically? I know that nothing like that would ever hold my interest for very long. I've got a short-fucking attention span. I really do. It's why I don't post in my livejournal anymore. It's why it takes me so long to finish video games. It's why I take interest in things like learning German, or Japanese and spend money on learning the subjects before I quickly get distracted by something else. Being a game designer would bore me because I'd either have to be creative all the time, or I'd have work within the same limitations, all the time. Autocad is too much fucking math and calculations for me to be all 8D YAY LET'S DO THAT NAO and being a forensic lab technician would get old pretty fast with all the group work I'd have to do on top of the fact that I'm not bullheaded enough anymore to not admit that atleast some of the things that would come through would get me a little squeamish.
So fuck my generation and their shiny educations. My friends? If they go on to get educations like that, then I'm really happy for them, and I'm proud of them - extremely so. I think it's great that you're doing what you want to do and you've got a chance to do it. But it's not for me. I don't want to master a subject. I want to learn how to do things I like. I don't want to be a 'professional student' either.
So, I'm going to go to a vocational school so that the rest of my generation can go and get smart and go to parties and, I don't know, buy drugs or drink and drive and while they're all off living the high-life, I'll make my living off of fixing all the cars they wreck and then my friends and I will go buy land in rural Colorado somewhere and build solar/wind powered houses and grow gardens and raise animals and live half off of self-sustained food and I'll get a wolfdog - not because they're cool or mysterious or one with the earth or anything like that but because they're fluffy and huggable) and maybe somewhere down the line I'll learn a few cool things like how to design games, or program computers or build full-functioning interactive web pages or a foreign language or something and learn how not to make run-on sentences.
But until then, I'm going to enjoy reading porn and roleplaying with my friends on forums and try to learn to stop neglecting my lj and shit while I look for a job to help me pay rent and buy groceries and go places.