In My Arms : Chapter 9 ~ Breaking My Own Heart
Chapter 9 ~ Breaking My Own Heart
Duffy - Breaking My Own Heart
I need saving
Won't somebody save me
From this misery
Love is killing me
Ooo, save me
Two weeks earlier.
It had been two weeks since Edward had left. When I had screwed everything up. Still sat on my bed cross legged I bowed my head, looking down at the cell phone in my hand. Do it! This was the only chance I had to speak to him and tell him how I feel. I needed to do this. If I didn't, then Edward and I would have no chance. I flipped it open and looked through my Edward's number appeared on the screen my hand froze. I sucked in a deep breath, closed my eyes and pressed call. I hesitantly pressed the phone to my ear. Could hearing his voice just open up my wounds further? Should I hang up now? I tried to press down but I just couldn't do it. I need to talk to him. The ringing stopped. I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut when the automated message sounded. “This number has been disconnected.” I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding and shut my phone.
He-he disconnected his phone. I groaned and tangled my hands in my hair. My vision became unclear as the tears filled my eyes. I fought them back, tired of crying now. What use are my tears going to do? They aren't going to bring him back. I straightened up and turned to look at the clock on my bedside table. 3:46 pm. Jake was going to be back at 5:30 when he finished work. I didn't know if I wanted Jacob here or not right now. He was my tower of strength and I needed him. I still love him. The love I felt for Edward was stronger then that though. It overpowered it. I love Jacob, I really do. But if I could have Edward then why shouldn't I find him and tell him how I feel and that I want to be with him? I cursed as I realised I had no way of contacting Edward. I had no idea where he was. Then something clicked inside my head. Alice. Edward wouldn't have left without telling Alice where he was going. Alice and Edward told each other everything. I had to talk to Alice.
Without another seconds thought I jumped off my bed and ran out of the room, making my way down the stairs carefully, not wanting to fall. Surprised that I had actually made it down the stairs without a concussion I smiled. The only time I had smiled in the past two weeks. I ran for the front door, snatching my coat off of the hook, quickly putting it on to hide my t-shirt and sweat pants combo and dashed out the door.
In my haste, it seems my luck had ran out as I managed to catch my foot on the door mat, but before the stairs could do serious damage to my body I grabbed hold of the rail on the side and regained my balance. I straightened myself and spun to curse the mat when I noticed the mat had moved, revealing a white envelope. Curious, I bent down to pick it up.
To My Dearest Bella was written on the front in Edward's handwriting. My heart jumped. This letter was from Edward. My heart fluttered as my head screamed rip it up! I imagined ripping it up and watching the pieces fly away in the wind. I knew I didn't have the strength to do that. Instead I carefully opened it, pulling out the letter with a shaky hand. I took a deep breath before I flipped it open.
Bella. It read.
If you are reading this then that means something has happened to separate us. I don't know what that could be and I don't know if we were even together but there is something I know. That you feel something for me. Did you know Alice had told me that you loved me? Don't be angry at her she was only trying to help. But Bella please do something for me. Move on. Forget about me and move on.
I don't want you to waste your life thinking about me. I'm not worth that Bella. I guess we were never meant to be together. We were only meant to be good friends and nothing more. I'm not going to say you were nothing to me. But I love you as a friend Bella. Nothing more. Like Charlie had said, you deserve someone better then me.
Move on Bella. Give your love to someone else. Don't waste your time over me, I can move on so I want you to as well.
Edward.
A single tear dropped and stained the letter. So much for not crying. I thought bitterly to myself. I crushed the letter in my fist as I turned sluggishly to walk back into the house. I couldn't see Alice now just going to that house would hurt. I couldn't track Edward down. The words had broken my heart into pieces. He didn't love me. I trudged up the steps as the words from his letter kept playing in my head, mocking me. I can move on. Slamming the door behind me I exhaled. Why did Edward ever feel the need to write this letter? Maybe he was never going to stay around. Maybe couldn't tell me to my face, probably too embarrassed that come like me would fancy someone like him. Did Alice know about this letter? Of course she did. Edward tells Alice everything, there is never any secrets between them! She still encouraged me to tell him how I felt. How could she do that to me? She knew Edward didn't feel as strongly about me as I do him. I guess she thought she was doing the right thing but I couldn't talk to her right now, it stung too much. Edward can move on and Alice knew. I swallowed hard. Well, I can move on too.
I stumbled to the kitchen table and collapsed onto a chair. My eyes widened as something Edward had written crept into my head. Like Charlie had said, you deserve someone better then me. Anger bubbled inside of me. What had Charlie said, and why on earth did that come up in conversation between them? I didn't know but I intended to find out.
* * * * * *
I parked out side the police station, pushing the door open, not even bothering to take the keys out, and jumped out slamming it shut behind me. I stormed up the path and the stairs, barging through the door. In my hast I managed to knock into one of dad's colleagues. I would have normally apologized but today I just continued, this time the next officer that crossed my path jumped out of the way. As the reception desk came into view I pushed my way in front of Mrs Newton, she mumbled something about impoliteness which I just ignored, instead slamming both hands onto the desk. “Get me Chief Swan.” I growled through my teeth. The women just nodded, as if my tone hadn't fazed her at all, and swiped up the phone. “Chief Swan please.” She muttered in a bored tone before hanging up. I drummed my fingers on the desktop as the women went back to talking to Mrs Newton. I tried to drone out the conversation but Mrs Newton's voice picked up in volume. “My son should be released this instant!”
“Mrs Newton, Mike is in a cell and he will remain in that cell until he sobers up.” Sober up? I knew there was a big party last night at Jessicas but surely he hadn't drunk so much that he was still wrecked.
“So what he got a little drunk, that doesn't mean you have the right to arrest him!” The women sighed, obviously exasperated.
“Mike was more then a little drunk, Mrs Newton. He streaked through the whole of Forks-” I completely blocked out their conversation. The thought of Mike Newton naked was enough to make me gag. The sound of a door opening behind me made me turn. I felt the anger bubble again as Dad walked up to me.
“Bella,” he smiled, “what brings you here?” I glared.
“I think you should find us some where quiet to speak.” His smile was gone, confusion taken its place as he lead me through the door. He led me through the corridor, stopping as we made it to the interview room. Digging in his pocket he pulled out his set of keys. He picked the correct key and shoved it into the lock. The sound of the barrels moving seemed to echo around me. Every movement seemed to be intensified. I balled my hands into fists as Charlie opened the door and gestured for me to go first. I did so, spinning to face him as soon as I was through the door. I waited for Charlie to close the door before I opened my mouth. “How dare you Charlie.” I spat. His eyes widened.
“Bella? I don't understand.”
“Don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about.” His expression was still blank. “You told Edward he wasn't good enough, didn't you!” Realisation painted his face.
“Bella I-”
“How dare you interfere!” I screamed at him.
“Bella, I only did what I thought was best.” He stepped towards me. I held my hands up warning him not to come closer.
“How could you make that choice for me! You chose Jacob for me didn't you?!” His silent nod confirmed my suspicion. “Did you not even consider that I may have wanted Edward!” His eyes widened, his mouth falling in shock. “I love Edward a lot more then Jake, Dad, I love Edward.” He doesn't love you. My words were no longer clear as sobs racked my body, making any anger disappear. Charlie quickly pulled me into his arms, slowly patting my hair as the tears fell. “I am so sorry Bella.” Charlie said, guilt dripping from his words. I sucked in a shaky breath as I tried to soften the sobs. “It-its not your fault, I guess. He had four-four months to tell me. I just wi-wish he was here.” Just wished he loved me enough to stay. I added in my head. Charlie let his arms drop, instead he took hold of my hand.
“Bella, I can get people to search for him. I can find Edward for you. I will call up ever police station I can to find him for you.” I wanted nothing more then to let Charlie do this, to bring Edward back to me. I couldn't do that though. How could I force Edward to be here with me when he didn't feel as strongly as I want him too. It would be like forcing a magnificent bird in a cage, never letting them leave, never letting them find the happiness they deserve. My eyes welled, but I refused to let the tears drop.
“I can't do that to him.” I whispered, looking down at the floor, avoiding Charlie's questioning gaze. “He doesn't love me like I love him.”
“Of course he does Bella.” I shook my head again as I reached into my pocket, pulling out the scrunched up piece of paper. I offered it to Charlie. His brow furrowed as he unscrewed it. He began reading it. His jaw slackened more as he continued down the page. His eyes met mine, containing nothing but guilt and sympathy. I shied away from it. “Maybe you were right. Maybe Jacob was always better for me,” sucking in a deep breath I continued with my sentence. “I'm going to tell Jacob I think we should give things another try.”
“Bells, are you sure? Don't you think that's a bit fast? I know you still love Edw-” I raised my hand.
“Edward is not coming back. If I don't get with Jacob soon, I'm worried he may leave me too. I couldn't handle being left by both of them. I know its a bit fast, but I need Jacob in my life. It's not like Edward and I ever had anything.” I whispered the last part. Oh how I wish we had.
“I just want you to be happy Bella.” I smiled weakly as I wrapped my arms around Charlie.
“Thank you dad.” I whispered against his shoulder. I couldn't help but think. Will I ever be properly happy without Edward?
Author Note :
I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has commentted and stuck with this story. I know I took waay too long to update and I am very sorry about that! School is so hectic at the moment, with teachers reminding us our final exams are in less then 50 days, and all the prefect stuff I have to do and last week was rock challenge. Okay, not going to list everything because I would be here all day! Lol.
Can I also just say to the few people that have left PM's to tell me how rubbish this story is, I appreciate tips on how it can be improved but telling me it sucks well please give me a break! This is my second fan fiction so I am still trying to get the hang of it, and I am only 15! But I do appreciate reviews that let me know how to improve the stories as they help a lot. Oh, and if you see any mistakes, please point them out, like if I accidently say trousers instead of pants, just point it out to me please. :)
Okay, think that is all I had to say... If any of this story is confusing you, just leave a comment or a PM and I will explain! As always, please review! They inspire me!