The Untold Story.. --brace yourself. it's a long one!
Taken straight from a journal entry in January, 06:
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. Well, do you ever wonder why certain people come into your life?.. random people?
Well I am going to begin with a very long story.
My friend Jesse moved to Oil City this year. I was upset that he was leaving, but it happens.
Well www.myspace.com --> everyone has an account, so i wondered if maybe he did since i had failed to contact him in any other way.
After searching through a million pages of 'jesse anthony's' i figured my search would be endless.
So I decided that maybe I should search Oil City. I dont even know what made me do it.
I hated searching. It took forever. Plus there was a trillion pages of Oil City people.
Well for whatever reason, I searched through at least 16 pages.
the last page I looked at had a guy with an interesting looking profile (plus long hair haha) so i clicked on his icon.
I had only clicked on one other profile so whatever made me do it, i still dont know.
I looked around his profile discovering he was 19 and single, like hackey sack, skateboarded..
I looked through his pictures and almost died. He was EXACTLY my type.
Long hair, lip ring, 5'8ish, tiny, GORGEOUS, blah.. perfect.
I debated on a while on whether or not to add him and finally i was like.. eh, what the hell. he's single (even if i wasnt at the time.. aka- around the time that someone and i had decided we hated each other.)
It wasn't too long after that the boy added me back and messaged me asking for my icq #.
Well of course i gave it to him!
Honestly, I was a little scared at firstto even bother talking to him. I'm not a very good conversationalist and I knew i would bore him within minutes.
It started out pretty typical. We explained a little about ourselves and what we did for fun, about our towns and how i went about adding him and all.
We talked about skating for a while, about music.. everything you can possibly imagine.
And surprisingly, I never really ran out of things to say. This had never happened before.
I loved his personality right off the bat. And his face hehe.
He was so random and silly yet so honest and seemed really understanding.
He and I agreed on just about everything. Everytime he'd say anything it seemed like i could totally relate..and vice versa.
It was seriously incredible. We talked for 6 1/2 hours that night and i was so excited.
I kept thinking to myself and saying to him "why can't you live closer" cuz i knew instantly that if he did, we'd be the best of friends..with an attraction to each other.
I think that the main reason that we hit it off so well is that he made me feel special from the beginning. He kept telling me how beautiful I was.. and so on...yea..
Well, I couldn't sleep that night. I kept thinking about how incredible the conversation with that guy had been.
His name was Ryan Andrew Tenney, I had discovered.
And the next night, we was waiting there online to talk to me again!
This became a nightly routine for Ryan and I. We would stay up until 6:30, 7:00 in the morning chatting about anything and everything.
I felt like i COULD talk to him.I had never felt so comfortable opening up to a complete stranger.. or anyone for that matter.
He had ever quality I have ever wanted in any guy. It just didnt seem fair!
Why was I so attracted mentally, physically, and emotionally to a complete stranger?
I only told my closest friends about Ryan... And my mother who probably thought I was crazy.
The only person who really seemed to understand was Bridgette.. but i understand why.
How do you explain to everyone that you've fallen in love with a complete stranger? And along with that knowledge, how do you explain it to yourself?
Aware that I would never know this beautiful stranger, I tried to go on with my life. but I couldnt do it.
Something about him kept me coming back every night. I ws falling for him. hard.
Then one night, he actually told me he loved me. I felt the same way on so many levels. In fact, i had never felt it so strongly in my life.
But i couldnt bring myself to say it. i felt guilty, for one, and two .. I was scared of falling.
I knew I would never be with him.Why ger hurt.. "he's prolly a player, dont drag yourself in" ..
But eventually, I couldnt wait anymore. I had to tell him. I loved him too. And you know what? saying it felt incredible. I had wanted to say it for for a while.
But anyway, I knew I had to break things off with asshole. I had been trying to forever but he always threatened his life and others...
annnnd there was a lot that led to that night,.. but we wont go there.
So anyway, Ryan and I continued our internet relationship which eventually turned into phone/internet which eventually one day turned into the possibility of seeing him when i went to visit Jem in college.
I had it all planned out. Ry lived 45 minutes away from Jem. He could just meet us in Clarion!
So the night I went to Jem's we arrived in Clarion and i text messaged Ryan to tell him i was there.
He called Jem's cell back immediently telling us he was already in Clarion.
My nerves were basically shot. I was scared to death.
What if he doesnt like me? what if i dont like him? What if i am not as pretty as my pictures? what if he isnt? what if this.. what if that?
We decided to meet him and his step bro TJ at Wendys. My heart was racing as we pulled into the parking lot. We saw them and pulled in next to them.
pulse is rising..
I saw him get out of the car and my eyes couldnt believe what was before them.. was it really possible that he was even more attractive in person?
I didnt even wanna get out of the car but i forced my hand to pull the handle and i climbed out.
As soon as we made eye contact , i ran over to him and threw my arms around him. To my surprise, he picked me up and spun me around hehe, it was cute.
The first thing he said to me was that i was even more beautiful in person.. aww. I knew he was amazing.
Well, they followed us back to Jem's houseand we all went in and dropped my shit off and kinda stood around Jem's room for a few minutes.
I looked at Ryan standing beside me and just kind of fell into his arms again. I sat down on the bedand Ry sat down beside me. Tj and Jem and everyone went upstairs.
We werent really sure what to say to each other .. finally I go "I seriously just cant believe that i'm actually sittin here next to you." he agreed.
Moments later he said "this is a little awkward" ..he was right.
We really had been silent. My nerves were ready to give out. My converastion skills were lacking horribly, my hands were shaking.
I had to do something.. so i looked over, grabbed his face and kissed him. he gave me that "whoa" look.. then kissed me again. Great way to break the ice eh? haha
Then we just kinda fell back into each others arms.
We ended up back upstairs for a while watching south park and family guy with shane, brenda, jem and everyone else.
Ry and I were holding hands and had our arms around each otehr and such.
We eventually went to sheetz .. just me, ry, jem and tj. When we were in there, Ry announced that he and tj were gonna stay at jems for the night. I was so excited!
He put his arms around me and kissed my cheek from behind. It was so cute. aww.
Anyway, we held hands walking out of sheetz... normally i wouldnt be making a big deal out of that but i was just so stoked to be with him!
Anyway, we went to a couple of Jem's friends places... I just remember sitting on Ry's lap and looking down at him.. He looked up and me and sort of smiled.. *sigh*.. Idk.. it was just amazing looking into his eyes for real.
Well anyway, everywhere we went, he held my hand on the way (just like he had always promised me he would.) It was so adorable.
We all ended up back at Jem's for the night.. Ryan and I claimed the couch. so we laid down and cuddled for the rest of the night.
We had been saying it all night, but now more than ever 'i love you's' began pouring out =)
Being in his arms was just so incredible I cant even describe.
We finally got to just lay there and hold each other and kiss and cuddle and everything like we'd wanted to for so long..
whhhhhiiicchh... honestly did lead to more.. and eventually.. yea...but it isnt ad most would think.. I loved him..and i knew it.
Anyway, we had the rest of the night to do as we pleased. He was leaving at 9:00 a.m to take TJ to his job interview. Knowing this, Ry and i tried as hard as we possibly could to make the most out of our time.
We cuddled for a a while.. and eventually i dragged him down to the staircase where we just sat and talked forever. until 9:00 actually.
Watching him leave was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, unaware of when i would see him again.. it hurt so bad.
As he walked away, he was all the way at the bottom step and still hadnt let go of my hand.. i cried myself to sleep.. I missed him horribly. But yes..
We were obviously official from that day on.. December 1st 2005. I know it sounds like a crazy story and most people who hear it will prolly think i am psycho. But i really dont care.
I love him more than life.. ......etc etc"
So that is it folks .. the untold story taht i could never write in this journal. now i have. and i am fuckin happy as hell! haha there is sooo much more to my story but i'll just leave it as it is. you have a nice day =)
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. Well, do you ever wonder why certain people come into your life?.. random people?
Well I am going to begin with a very long story.
My friend Jesse moved to Oil City this year. I was upset that he was leaving, but it happens.
Well www.myspace.com --> everyone has an account, so i wondered if maybe he did since i had failed to contact him in any other way.
After searching through a million pages of 'jesse anthony's' i figured my search would be endless.
So I decided that maybe I should search Oil City. I dont even know what made me do it.
I hated searching. It took forever. Plus there was a trillion pages of Oil City people.
Well for whatever reason, I searched through at least 16 pages.
the last page I looked at had a guy with an interesting looking profile (plus long hair haha) so i clicked on his icon.
I had only clicked on one other profile so whatever made me do it, i still dont know.
I looked around his profile discovering he was 19 and single, like hackey sack, skateboarded..
I looked through his pictures and almost died. He was EXACTLY my type.
Long hair, lip ring, 5'8ish, tiny, GORGEOUS, blah.. perfect.
I debated on a while on whether or not to add him and finally i was like.. eh, what the hell. he's single (even if i wasnt at the time.. aka- around the time that someone and i had decided we hated each other.)
It wasn't too long after that the boy added me back and messaged me asking for my icq #.
Well of course i gave it to him!
Honestly, I was a little scared at firstto even bother talking to him. I'm not a very good conversationalist and I knew i would bore him within minutes.
It started out pretty typical. We explained a little about ourselves and what we did for fun, about our towns and how i went about adding him and all.
We talked about skating for a while, about music.. everything you can possibly imagine.
And surprisingly, I never really ran out of things to say. This had never happened before.
I loved his personality right off the bat. And his face hehe.
He was so random and silly yet so honest and seemed really understanding.
He and I agreed on just about everything. Everytime he'd say anything it seemed like i could totally relate..and vice versa.
It was seriously incredible. We talked for 6 1/2 hours that night and i was so excited.
I kept thinking to myself and saying to him "why can't you live closer" cuz i knew instantly that if he did, we'd be the best of friends..with an attraction to each other.
I think that the main reason that we hit it off so well is that he made me feel special from the beginning. He kept telling me how beautiful I was.. and so on...yea..
Well, I couldn't sleep that night. I kept thinking about how incredible the conversation with that guy had been.
His name was Ryan Andrew Tenney, I had discovered.
And the next night, we was waiting there online to talk to me again!
This became a nightly routine for Ryan and I. We would stay up until 6:30, 7:00 in the morning chatting about anything and everything.
I felt like i COULD talk to him.I had never felt so comfortable opening up to a complete stranger.. or anyone for that matter.
He had ever quality I have ever wanted in any guy. It just didnt seem fair!
Why was I so attracted mentally, physically, and emotionally to a complete stranger?
I only told my closest friends about Ryan... And my mother who probably thought I was crazy.
The only person who really seemed to understand was Bridgette.. but i understand why.
How do you explain to everyone that you've fallen in love with a complete stranger? And along with that knowledge, how do you explain it to yourself?
Aware that I would never know this beautiful stranger, I tried to go on with my life. but I couldnt do it.
Something about him kept me coming back every night. I ws falling for him. hard.
Then one night, he actually told me he loved me. I felt the same way on so many levels. In fact, i had never felt it so strongly in my life.
But i couldnt bring myself to say it. i felt guilty, for one, and two .. I was scared of falling.
I knew I would never be with him.Why ger hurt.. "he's prolly a player, dont drag yourself in" ..
But eventually, I couldnt wait anymore. I had to tell him. I loved him too. And you know what? saying it felt incredible. I had wanted to say it for for a while.
But anyway, I knew I had to break things off with asshole. I had been trying to forever but he always threatened his life and others...
annnnd there was a lot that led to that night,.. but we wont go there.
So anyway, Ryan and I continued our internet relationship which eventually turned into phone/internet which eventually one day turned into the possibility of seeing him when i went to visit Jem in college.
I had it all planned out. Ry lived 45 minutes away from Jem. He could just meet us in Clarion!
So the night I went to Jem's we arrived in Clarion and i text messaged Ryan to tell him i was there.
He called Jem's cell back immediently telling us he was already in Clarion.
My nerves were basically shot. I was scared to death.
What if he doesnt like me? what if i dont like him? What if i am not as pretty as my pictures? what if he isnt? what if this.. what if that?
We decided to meet him and his step bro TJ at Wendys. My heart was racing as we pulled into the parking lot. We saw them and pulled in next to them.
pulse is rising..
I saw him get out of the car and my eyes couldnt believe what was before them.. was it really possible that he was even more attractive in person?
I didnt even wanna get out of the car but i forced my hand to pull the handle and i climbed out.
As soon as we made eye contact , i ran over to him and threw my arms around him. To my surprise, he picked me up and spun me around hehe, it was cute.
The first thing he said to me was that i was even more beautiful in person.. aww. I knew he was amazing.
Well, they followed us back to Jem's houseand we all went in and dropped my shit off and kinda stood around Jem's room for a few minutes.
I looked at Ryan standing beside me and just kind of fell into his arms again. I sat down on the bedand Ry sat down beside me. Tj and Jem and everyone went upstairs.
We werent really sure what to say to each other .. finally I go "I seriously just cant believe that i'm actually sittin here next to you." he agreed.
Moments later he said "this is a little awkward" ..he was right.
We really had been silent. My nerves were ready to give out. My converastion skills were lacking horribly, my hands were shaking.
I had to do something.. so i looked over, grabbed his face and kissed him. he gave me that "whoa" look.. then kissed me again. Great way to break the ice eh? haha
Then we just kinda fell back into each others arms.
We ended up back upstairs for a while watching south park and family guy with shane, brenda, jem and everyone else.
Ry and I were holding hands and had our arms around each otehr and such.
We eventually went to sheetz .. just me, ry, jem and tj. When we were in there, Ry announced that he and tj were gonna stay at jems for the night. I was so excited!
He put his arms around me and kissed my cheek from behind. It was so cute. aww.
Anyway, we held hands walking out of sheetz... normally i wouldnt be making a big deal out of that but i was just so stoked to be with him!
Anyway, we went to a couple of Jem's friends places... I just remember sitting on Ry's lap and looking down at him.. He looked up and me and sort of smiled.. *sigh*.. Idk.. it was just amazing looking into his eyes for real.
Well anyway, everywhere we went, he held my hand on the way (just like he had always promised me he would.) It was so adorable.
We all ended up back at Jem's for the night.. Ryan and I claimed the couch. so we laid down and cuddled for the rest of the night.
We had been saying it all night, but now more than ever 'i love you's' began pouring out =)
Being in his arms was just so incredible I cant even describe.
We finally got to just lay there and hold each other and kiss and cuddle and everything like we'd wanted to for so long..
whhhhhiiicchh... honestly did lead to more.. and eventually.. yea...but it isnt ad most would think.. I loved him..and i knew it.
Anyway, we had the rest of the night to do as we pleased. He was leaving at 9:00 a.m to take TJ to his job interview. Knowing this, Ry and i tried as hard as we possibly could to make the most out of our time.
We cuddled for a a while.. and eventually i dragged him down to the staircase where we just sat and talked forever. until 9:00 actually.
Watching him leave was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, unaware of when i would see him again.. it hurt so bad.
As he walked away, he was all the way at the bottom step and still hadnt let go of my hand.. i cried myself to sleep.. I missed him horribly. But yes..
We were obviously official from that day on.. December 1st 2005. I know it sounds like a crazy story and most people who hear it will prolly think i am psycho. But i really dont care.
I love him more than life.. ......etc etc"
So that is it folks .. the untold story taht i could never write in this journal. now i have. and i am fuckin happy as hell! haha there is sooo much more to my story but i'll just leave it as it is. you have a nice day =)