(no subject)
Well, where to start. Why is it always easier to talk to a dog? Justin's dog, is like my bestfriend at the moment.
Sorry, I havent been updated. Things have been one big whirlpool. Once i think things are Genuine, who am i kidding?
Woke up, an yet again im at a shitty 125.8 I just can't get past it. Once i hit a certain weight, it's impossible to loose more.
Lastnight was crazy. Why is it people are so mean when they get drunk? Why would they love to drink all the time or get all shitfaced, if they just end up hearing about things they did & said the next day. You know what's funny, at times i still wish i was the little innocent girl i used to once be , just run around the house & yard, be free. Skin my knees, giggle, an touch everything, But most of all There was alway's someone older or my parents telling me things will be okay & ill alway's be there for you. Well they lied, what makes me wanna belive anyone else? I think what i miss most, is knowing at that very moment, they were there for me. Getting old, an doing things on your on is only fun for soo long.
Question:::: do more of you b/p or strave yourself? :) I need some tips an secrets.
I've always straved myself, or ate when i really had to. It all started when i was bigger an actually started doing something about it when i went to Sma, (sarasota military academy) I hated how big i was, an how little others were. Especailly my sister. I would workout after school for hours, take plenty of diet pills an caffine pills an even if i had to swollow mouth-wash so i could gag myself an vomit. the more an more i kept things up, it just always stuck with me. I love bones, an seeing them. I love the anticipation of did i loose weight?, did i gain it? whats the scale going to think? whats it going to say! I have a twisted thought of this whole [ED] but at the same time, it kills me. i enjoy the pain & suffering. I could ramble all day in this damn journal. this is how i get all my feelings an thoughts out, Justin got me a dog, we have to go pick it up an everything. English Bulldog- 1yr old. SOOO cute.