Cluster Fuck
The band and I left for Georgia last Thursday and got back last night. We played 2 shows while we were there… one sucked and the other went really really well.
The band sat down and wrote a song together from scratch… we’ve never done that… all put our input in and then started writing… no instruments… just us… and that was really awesome… but something still felt like there is a distance between all of us… as much as we all care… and as much as we kid with eachother and have so much fun… something always seems like there is something missing… I cant explain it….
Then again, I’ve had so much on my mind the past few days…. all that…. plus I got my cell phone bill in… it was over $400 and that really sucks because I don’t have a job and even if I did I wouldn’t be able to pay that… so once again… I didn’t think at all… and I’ve fucked something else up…. and I’m gonna have to ask my dad to help me out again… I know I’m retarded and pointing it out and then complaining about it doesn’t make it better… but at least I can recognize it… at least….
My ex asked me to take her to her job today… so I got up and took her and we talked….. things seem to be a lot better between her and I… it seems when she isn’t dating anyone she is a lot nicer to me… funny how that is isn’t it…
And then there’s Emily…. I have no words… just… a smile…... that’s it… I know that one day Im gonna shake this feeling I have for her… all the little things I do and say to be nice show her how I feel… and that reminds her I’m not kidding… and the fact that she is taking me for granted and is making it obvious she doesn’t like me in that way… it causes me to hurt and push away… but the more I talk to her the more I fall again and again… there is just something there with her… she got me … but she didn’t want me….
“Here I go, slit my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, There’s just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one”
- Only One by YellowCard
Hayden
The band sat down and wrote a song together from scratch… we’ve never done that… all put our input in and then started writing… no instruments… just us… and that was really awesome… but something still felt like there is a distance between all of us… as much as we all care… and as much as we kid with eachother and have so much fun… something always seems like there is something missing… I cant explain it….
Then again, I’ve had so much on my mind the past few days…. all that…. plus I got my cell phone bill in… it was over $400 and that really sucks because I don’t have a job and even if I did I wouldn’t be able to pay that… so once again… I didn’t think at all… and I’ve fucked something else up…. and I’m gonna have to ask my dad to help me out again… I know I’m retarded and pointing it out and then complaining about it doesn’t make it better… but at least I can recognize it… at least….
My ex asked me to take her to her job today… so I got up and took her and we talked….. things seem to be a lot better between her and I… it seems when she isn’t dating anyone she is a lot nicer to me… funny how that is isn’t it…
And then there’s Emily…. I have no words… just… a smile…... that’s it… I know that one day Im gonna shake this feeling I have for her… all the little things I do and say to be nice show her how I feel… and that reminds her I’m not kidding… and the fact that she is taking me for granted and is making it obvious she doesn’t like me in that way… it causes me to hurt and push away… but the more I talk to her the more I fall again and again… there is just something there with her… she got me … but she didn’t want me….
“Here I go, slit my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, There’s just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one”
- Only One by YellowCard
Hayden