well here goes
so there is a big chance, that i am moving soon, maybe this is a good time to get out of something i can not handle, or to possibly save my life, but the big city and transtyle spell disaster and if i am not careful, its gunna take me down with it. there are a few things on my plate right now that make life sound so much easier, without all the bullshit that goes on everyday, but who knows how that will go. so im sure i will be around for maybe another six months, so here comes party apt or house number 2, and then im gone hopefully. just the thought of getting away from it all and starting over again is fucking sweet. i dont know why i always leave, and leave everything behind, turn my fucking back, but its what i have to do.
so i might be going to see a doctor tomorrow, getting a check up persay, a checkup for life, god i pray that life is still knocking. there are a lot of thoughts running through my mind right now, thoughts i could never have even imagined. how do things like this happen, or why? ive been asking myself for years this question, and all the time hoping that whatever is wrong will go away. silly dream, but at least your allowed to dream. i am fucking scared right now, my possible fate lies in the hand of some doctor tomorrow. i will find out the biggest news i may ever find out in my life and im scared.
some how the little things in life that get me mad or whatever, dont seem so bad. maybe after my appointment, they wont matter at all, but as for now im just trying to be happy, and not let things get to me. ive been so fucking stressed at work, and for what. some silly pay, that means nothing compared to living and having friends and all that come with any free time, but i get none and for what, soi can pay the bills where everybody lives, make sure there are plenty of bowls to go around, just spend money and more money. wtf do i get out of that, i mean i didnt mind it so much before but its time for me to move on, stop paying peoples ways. its very frustrating and hard to do, to be a dick to your "friends" but im sorry. nobody is going to live at the next place that i have, except me and curtis if he is still down, which im sure he is. im sorry eveyone but i almost lost some important things already, some things that would have set me back so far in this game of life, that it's just not worth it for me to be doing this.
i am sorry for writing all of this shit, and all the other shit, but right now it is passing the time, because i know as soon as i fall asleep, i will be waking up to go to the doctor, and that is something i have been scared of a long long time. i guess i will try and go at this like a man, and step up to whatever is to come, but i am just going to hope and pray for the best, and try and prepare for the worst as much as humanly possible. a cigarette and im out. goodnight people, hopefully i will see you soon with good news:)
so i might be going to see a doctor tomorrow, getting a check up persay, a checkup for life, god i pray that life is still knocking. there are a lot of thoughts running through my mind right now, thoughts i could never have even imagined. how do things like this happen, or why? ive been asking myself for years this question, and all the time hoping that whatever is wrong will go away. silly dream, but at least your allowed to dream. i am fucking scared right now, my possible fate lies in the hand of some doctor tomorrow. i will find out the biggest news i may ever find out in my life and im scared.
some how the little things in life that get me mad or whatever, dont seem so bad. maybe after my appointment, they wont matter at all, but as for now im just trying to be happy, and not let things get to me. ive been so fucking stressed at work, and for what. some silly pay, that means nothing compared to living and having friends and all that come with any free time, but i get none and for what, soi can pay the bills where everybody lives, make sure there are plenty of bowls to go around, just spend money and more money. wtf do i get out of that, i mean i didnt mind it so much before but its time for me to move on, stop paying peoples ways. its very frustrating and hard to do, to be a dick to your "friends" but im sorry. nobody is going to live at the next place that i have, except me and curtis if he is still down, which im sure he is. im sorry eveyone but i almost lost some important things already, some things that would have set me back so far in this game of life, that it's just not worth it for me to be doing this.
i am sorry for writing all of this shit, and all the other shit, but right now it is passing the time, because i know as soon as i fall asleep, i will be waking up to go to the doctor, and that is something i have been scared of a long long time. i guess i will try and go at this like a man, and step up to whatever is to come, but i am just going to hope and pray for the best, and try and prepare for the worst as much as humanly possible. a cigarette and im out. goodnight people, hopefully i will see you soon with good news:)