Just Because
I am realizing I pay for barely anything here.. I mean I pay but my living expenses are so down from NY.
Coffee is a miracle thing for me... in every way I feel like it helps my body, but that scares me as well..
Shabbos is going to be crazy tonight I think.. Just so many different people there that I want to spend all my time with, somehow I'll juggle it all.
My stomach has been bothering me all week.... It's insane, but I feel as if I am riding a bike again after waiting a good few years? Like I'm not so happy to be having this, but I'm just handling it like I always did. Accepting that this should be a normal feeling, maintaining my appetite, and trying to eat the foods I think will ease the pain. It's like I never got to experience feeling ok, and wouldn't know that this isn't a normal feeling. It's insane. I think my system has just had too much stress on it... With all this Yom Tov, bad sleep habits, intense eating, lack of hydration, lack of consistent exercise, and such... it's not so easy for an already weakened GI tract to handle.
Yom Tov was insane and beautiful and just very fulfilling. It rekindled a spark that was dying in me, and made me remember how much I love this religion. Lately I have been torn, by my two worlds, I was having a hard time really feeling love and awe for every part of yiddushkite. But this brought me back. I am still torn, but in a different way, I think it is pulling me in a better direction. I think this is the first sukkos that i am really feeling it... in the air... in my soul... and just physically. The Joy we are supposed to have for all these eight days is definately enveloping me and it's an odd sensation, but it's very cozy and comforting at the same time. People think I'm crazy for living in the Chabad House... but I like that it surrounds me with all this and that it makes me automatically involved and a part of every part of the celebration.
Tuesday night I stayed up till 4 am celebrating.. watching the men dance and grasping the joy they were emanating... dancing with Tara in the parking lot as we waited for Mollie and Becca to get out of the car, and pushing the men to continue dancing every time they were slowing down.
Also, now that I put on tights again I realize how much i miss them and feel as if I never want to stop wearing them... I wonder what next summer will bring...
Coffee is a miracle thing for me... in every way I feel like it helps my body, but that scares me as well..
Shabbos is going to be crazy tonight I think.. Just so many different people there that I want to spend all my time with, somehow I'll juggle it all.
My stomach has been bothering me all week.... It's insane, but I feel as if I am riding a bike again after waiting a good few years? Like I'm not so happy to be having this, but I'm just handling it like I always did. Accepting that this should be a normal feeling, maintaining my appetite, and trying to eat the foods I think will ease the pain. It's like I never got to experience feeling ok, and wouldn't know that this isn't a normal feeling. It's insane. I think my system has just had too much stress on it... With all this Yom Tov, bad sleep habits, intense eating, lack of hydration, lack of consistent exercise, and such... it's not so easy for an already weakened GI tract to handle.
Yom Tov was insane and beautiful and just very fulfilling. It rekindled a spark that was dying in me, and made me remember how much I love this religion. Lately I have been torn, by my two worlds, I was having a hard time really feeling love and awe for every part of yiddushkite. But this brought me back. I am still torn, but in a different way, I think it is pulling me in a better direction. I think this is the first sukkos that i am really feeling it... in the air... in my soul... and just physically. The Joy we are supposed to have for all these eight days is definately enveloping me and it's an odd sensation, but it's very cozy and comforting at the same time. People think I'm crazy for living in the Chabad House... but I like that it surrounds me with all this and that it makes me automatically involved and a part of every part of the celebration.
Tuesday night I stayed up till 4 am celebrating.. watching the men dance and grasping the joy they were emanating... dancing with Tara in the parking lot as we waited for Mollie and Becca to get out of the car, and pushing the men to continue dancing every time they were slowing down.
Also, now that I put on tights again I realize how much i miss them and feel as if I never want to stop wearing them... I wonder what next summer will bring...