long long list of things to do
I feel like I am dying, again.
And I feel like I can't die because then there will be too much left undone. I'll be one of those people forever in a coma, forever on life support, just barely hanging on. Or I'll be one of those people who end up lingering, tormenting the living people by turning on lights that have been turned off, saying hello to people who don't know yet that I'm dead, etc. One of those dead people with "unfinished business."
And I don't want to be dead. And I don't want to be a ghost.
But most importantly, I don't want my unfinished business.
Collated tables, ditzy presentations, filled-out forms and more plans for the future, edited stand-uppers and narratives, and random facts stuffed into my brain, easy. (Other things, not so).
But I cannot seem to get started.
I feel very unable to move, unable to get anything done.
I feel stuck here.
And I feel like I can't die because then there will be too much left undone. I'll be one of those people forever in a coma, forever on life support, just barely hanging on. Or I'll be one of those people who end up lingering, tormenting the living people by turning on lights that have been turned off, saying hello to people who don't know yet that I'm dead, etc. One of those dead people with "unfinished business."
And I don't want to be dead. And I don't want to be a ghost.
But most importantly, I don't want my unfinished business.
Collated tables, ditzy presentations, filled-out forms and more plans for the future, edited stand-uppers and narratives, and random facts stuffed into my brain, easy. (Other things, not so).
But I cannot seem to get started.
I feel very unable to move, unable to get anything done.
I feel stuck here.