Jun 25, 2008 16:13
ok so i only have this livejournal so i can illegally download music off of mammal_exchange. fuckallay'all, i dont pay no dimes for my jams. so one day, i was browsing through the extensive album archive. you know, looking for the most obscure, hip music so i can have it on my itunes but- let's get serious- never actually listen to it because i'm too busy listening to miley cyrus or some shit. but here i am anyway sorting through piles of garbage- beat happening? like uh you sound old and ugly- no thanks!
but i continue to find myself dicking around aimlessly until i end up at the br tagged albums- and i discover a goldmine. BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS 'BLACKOUT'. like holy shit, i know i should be thankful to mammal_exchange for like all its' my bloody valentine or like some other 'life changing' album that i can slit my wrists to. but no, fuck that gimme me that greasy, cheese dust queen anyday.
this is my life changing album. never has an album opened with the greatest 4- dare i say 5- songs ever. i cant even discuss 'gimme more' without getting a little emotional. i mean this was her comeback song. am i the only one who remembers the mtv music awards or whatever? like she totally bombed- and duh, looked totally fat!- but c'mon everyone loves watching a trainwreck crash and burn, especially one that looks like a sausage stuffed into a sequined bikini. i was totally addicted to every move that bitch -voluntarily or involuntarily (i.e psych ward)- made before she awkwardly jiggled her fat ass around that stage, and i would never ask for those precious 4 minutes and 11 seconds back of my life. in fact, i dedicate them to BS, actually. she probably needs them more than i do anyway. bitch has people like betting on her death date. im pretty sure she even has money down so now i gave her a little more time to spend with sean preston and jayden james- those pillsbury doughboys she shot out her muff, fyi. anyway back to the perfection that is this album and my subsequent life thereafter.
then we get to 'piece of me' which is like a perfect second single. its like a total response to the media bullshit, nahmean? like even though no one to my recollection has ever worried about her being too thin- i'll totally give it to her because bitch is like nuts anyway. no lie, this song drags on a little so i end it pretty early but thats only because i'm eagerly creaming my jeans to get to the next song- 'RADAR'!!!!
THE PLANTINUM EGG AMONGST GOLDEN SHITS. (i dont mean to call the other songs on the album pieces of shit but 'radar' really gets me going.) this song proves me and the diva goddess would be besties. HOW ELSE WOULD I HAVE EVER KNOWN THAT ME AND B. SPEARS ARE INTO THE SAME DUDES???!?! ( i mean besides tabloid covers and shit- LIKE WHO WOULDNT WANT K FED?) interesting sense of style, ten million dollar smile!? i'm so into that guy with the horribly expensive fake set of teeth too, brit-brit! also, there are really no words to describe the great dance moves i have crafted for myself to this song. but dont worry, you will probably see them one day when i am very very drunk ( see i'm totally meant to be britneys bestie! she is always drunk or something! amirite?)
'break the ice' is like the silent killer. (again, i dont mean to compare anything on this album to anything that also comes out my butt- not that golden shits actually come out my ass either but whatever.) this is definitely the jam that i would be dancing to during my coke fueled nightclub romp, which is what i'm doing every night- if not everyday. being her third single, noone expected this song to even matter but it kinda does. like the piercing, epileptic seizure inducing background music is so approps. its like a metaphor to britneys life trajectory or something.
i really don't want to write much about this next song. but just you know that 'heaven on earth' sounds like something that would be playing in a 1980s goth club where there would be a lot of leather and whips or something. AKA TOTALLY BRITNEY. AKA TOTALLY ME.
so yeah, thanks mammal_exchange for letting me look like i actually care about music with the 2000 or so songs that i never really listen to. but i will be forever indebted to your illegal underground operations for the 43 minutes and 6 seconds that i get to surrender myself to the incomparable miss britney spears and her cheeto infused dance music.