(Untitled)

[hawthorne]

I don't like this; it's too obvious, or plain, or cliche, or just dull. Still, I need to get rid of it to make way for a few other poems I've been sitting on. Constructive criticism is, as always, greatly appreciated.

Comments

[hawthorne]

Thank you for your input. What got me stuck on finishing this poem was the methods I chose to compare past to present. The images seemed too disjointed or unrelated to each other to fully characterize the speaker in the present and in context of his past experiences. I felt like I should've added more, made his experiences more well-rounded to make his character fuller, but eventually I settled on conveying that "transition" you refer to with random items.

As a result of using random items, some images are more generationally representative than others, and some are more personally representative. Video games and college books are probably solid choices to represent a generation; but everyone from the dawn of time has started out by writing bad poetry, and old letters are definitely a timeless topic. So perhaps random wasn't good in this case, because that randomness created two themes in the poem: the specific characterization of one person through retrospection about certain objects; and the characterization of a generation through the same means. The idea of transition is both personal and generational from the images portrayed, but maybe I should've focused on one to give the poem a stronger purpose? Surely old '80s video games and college experimentation are more indicative of my generation than poetry and letters and art are indicative of the speaker's character? The latter topics seem too generalized to create any endearing sense of personal character. So maybe I should choose to represent my generation moreso, since I already have a few solid examples. What do you think about these questions?

[nawahte]

Going on hour 14 of my day. I want to consider your questions with a fresh mind, but have 2 more days of the same ahead. I will get back to you - very interesting dialogue.

[hawthorne]

Yeah, take your time-whenever you get the chance.