The First Day of the Rest of My Life
I said a few months ago I was going to start writing in this "journal" again, so I finally have the motivation--granted I'm mentally exhausted. Sometimes, unbeknownst to us, things happen for a reason. It makes me wonder just how much control we have over our decisions, our choices, our life. I'm led to believe there is an intrinsic mechanism within us that makes us "tick", if you will. The presence of this machinery makes some of us more aware than others. This awareness can be both self-actualized or non-self actualized. The latter is perhaps more divine than the first, but it makes me wonder if other people feel it. I wish more than anything I could understand human consciousness, and feel what it's like to be a human other than myself. Why is their experience any different than mine, why is mine any different than theirs?
Since I met Hillary at that camp in the woods with those deer flies that would draw your blood... I've come to understand love for what it really is. Too often we try to reduce our thoughts and emotions into words and expressions, only to fail to get the point across. Love is watching the sunrise over lake Huron and understanding that there is something more beautiful than yourself; I'm not talking about God, but everything. I believe being human is simply the best way to experience the beauty, but by no means are we the most beautiful creatures (maybe I'll change my opinion when I have children).
When I think back it all seems to make more sense. Writing the story is the most difficult part, but once it's written, you want the first draft to be the best, because it's the only chance you get. I realize that happiness can't be obtained, it isn't a state of existence, but rather a goal towards which we continually strive. The ultimate question is: does everyone want to be happy; does everyone want to find love? No one can really answer this question, because love and happiness are different for each soul. I believe children all want love and happiness, and I believe love and happiness are universally the same amongst children.
My dad insisted that I attend summer camp at this MUCC Camp for Kids... I had never heard of it. I remember feeling homesick after my mom dropped me off but I quickly befriended the female counselors (haha). It wasn't hard to make friends, and by the second day we were all well acquainted with one another. The first night I remember lying awake with a song stuck in my head that someone had been singing earlier (perhaps by Christina Aguilera?). That was a point in my life (11 or 12 yrs old) when I didn't question much; everything was how it was. I remember showering in the early morning by myself because of how early I would wake up. I felt it; I felt what I feel now but didn't know what it was. It was the cool morning air with the orange sunlight glistening over the horizon through the trees. I wouldn't have felt it had it slapped me across the face, but I knew it was there.
So in the Summer of 2008 I decide that I want to go back to camp, but this time as a counselor. I had my EMT-B experience and felt as though a relaxing summer would do the trick. When I went in for my interview I remember telling him (forgot his name) that I wanted to work on the rifle range. He asked me about my EMT training and then proceeded to tell me about the camp health director position. I actually left saying I'd have to think about it. After talking with my mom she insisted that I take the job; the next day I called and confirmed that I would take it. The first week of camp was "training" week. I'm not sure how much "training" i underwent (probably none), but I felt like I knew what I was doing. During that first week the redwings were in the 2008 playoffs and the Red Wings ended up beating the Pittsburgh Penguins. I remember the first time I actually "talked" with Hillary, which was that night. She seemed rather uninterested and there was no way I could hold a reasonable conversation with a girl I didn't know. We did make small talk, and enjoyed a few laughs, but that was that.
A few weeks in Hill mentioned something about her sister going to MSU and having a party on Grand River at their house. Christian, Matt, and I all went to this party. This was when we were still in the ghettotastic University Court. Christian drove and after about a thousand beers I asked him to drive us home. This was the first time Hillary and I "hooked up". The romance was definetely there, but there were still questions in my mind whether I wanted to "date" her.
This post will continue tomorrow, as there are millions of other memories I want to recall.
Since I met Hillary at that camp in the woods with those deer flies that would draw your blood... I've come to understand love for what it really is. Too often we try to reduce our thoughts and emotions into words and expressions, only to fail to get the point across. Love is watching the sunrise over lake Huron and understanding that there is something more beautiful than yourself; I'm not talking about God, but everything. I believe being human is simply the best way to experience the beauty, but by no means are we the most beautiful creatures (maybe I'll change my opinion when I have children).
When I think back it all seems to make more sense. Writing the story is the most difficult part, but once it's written, you want the first draft to be the best, because it's the only chance you get. I realize that happiness can't be obtained, it isn't a state of existence, but rather a goal towards which we continually strive. The ultimate question is: does everyone want to be happy; does everyone want to find love? No one can really answer this question, because love and happiness are different for each soul. I believe children all want love and happiness, and I believe love and happiness are universally the same amongst children.
My dad insisted that I attend summer camp at this MUCC Camp for Kids... I had never heard of it. I remember feeling homesick after my mom dropped me off but I quickly befriended the female counselors (haha). It wasn't hard to make friends, and by the second day we were all well acquainted with one another. The first night I remember lying awake with a song stuck in my head that someone had been singing earlier (perhaps by Christina Aguilera?). That was a point in my life (11 or 12 yrs old) when I didn't question much; everything was how it was. I remember showering in the early morning by myself because of how early I would wake up. I felt it; I felt what I feel now but didn't know what it was. It was the cool morning air with the orange sunlight glistening over the horizon through the trees. I wouldn't have felt it had it slapped me across the face, but I knew it was there.
So in the Summer of 2008 I decide that I want to go back to camp, but this time as a counselor. I had my EMT-B experience and felt as though a relaxing summer would do the trick. When I went in for my interview I remember telling him (forgot his name) that I wanted to work on the rifle range. He asked me about my EMT training and then proceeded to tell me about the camp health director position. I actually left saying I'd have to think about it. After talking with my mom she insisted that I take the job; the next day I called and confirmed that I would take it. The first week of camp was "training" week. I'm not sure how much "training" i underwent (probably none), but I felt like I knew what I was doing. During that first week the redwings were in the 2008 playoffs and the Red Wings ended up beating the Pittsburgh Penguins. I remember the first time I actually "talked" with Hillary, which was that night. She seemed rather uninterested and there was no way I could hold a reasonable conversation with a girl I didn't know. We did make small talk, and enjoyed a few laughs, but that was that.
A few weeks in Hill mentioned something about her sister going to MSU and having a party on Grand River at their house. Christian, Matt, and I all went to this party. This was when we were still in the ghettotastic University Court. Christian drove and after about a thousand beers I asked him to drive us home. This was the first time Hillary and I "hooked up". The romance was definetely there, but there were still questions in my mind whether I wanted to "date" her.
This post will continue tomorrow, as there are millions of other memories I want to recall.