Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 - by a friend
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2
At the Burrow…
Ron:
We downsized from a multi-story house to a barely decent hut. Man, those Death Eaters are worse than the recession.
Hermione:
At least your parents still know who you are. Obliviate!
Mrs. Granger:
Hermione, your tea’s getting col-um, who am I talking to?
Mr. Granger:
I was about to ask you that.
Hermione:
On the bright side, they don’t remember they grounded me for using Polyjuice Potion to turn into Mom, then told Dad he should raise my allowance.
Later, at number four Privet Drive…
Harry:
I, for one, am happy to see the last of my lovely relations.
Dudley:
No fair! He gets my room and the whole house? I had to wear a pig’s tail because of him! Do they have TV where we’re going? I want a bigger bedroom! You wouldn’t give me the house to live in if I blew up Aunt Marge!
Harry:
Yup, definitely not gonna miss that.
Fred:
Don’t worry, you may be our brother-in-law someday.
Ron:
Hey, not so fast.
Hermione:
Oh, put a sock in it and drink your Polyjuice Potion, Ron.
Fleur:
Mon dieu, I am no longer unbelievably attractive! Quick, Bill, let me ‘ide be’ind you!
Fangirls:
We don’t mind. The more Harrys, the better!
Moody:
Blast these fangirls! We’ll need CONSTANT VIGILANCE if we are to complete this mission.
Hagrid:
C’mon, Harry, it’ll be just like old times on the good, ol’ motorbike.
Harry:
Yeah, the homicidal wizards chasing us usually put a damper on those good times.
Deatheaters:
These masks give us terrible aim. Wait, I think that’s him.
Fans:
NO, NOT HEDWIG!
Hedwig:
You can’t hit the giant, but you pinpointed a bird in midflight?
Voldemort:
Silence, insignificant Muggles! A pox on you all, you made me lose the boy again.
Later, at the former Burrow…
Scrimgeour:
I come bearing more plot devices. Cherish the feel of the worldly possessions Professor Dumbledore lovingly bestowed upon you.
Harry:
Um, is something supposed to happen when I hold this snitch?
Scrimgeour:
What a funny idea.
Lupin:
I was hoping we’d spend our honeymoon on a beach somewhere.
Tonks:
Seriously, where have you been for the past six movies?
Bill:
We still get to have an epic wedding scene!
Fred:
And you can finally tell us apart!
George:
I don’t think that was essential enough to warrant the loss of an ear.
Hermione:
Awesome wedding scene. We haven’t had such good choreography since the Yule Ball in Goblet of Fire.
Harry:
And I don’t have to dress up as a random Weasley cousin; things are looking up already.
Xenophilius:
And this gives us just enough time to add another plot device to the story: See this little triangle doohickey, Harry? It’ll be very important later…
Kingsley’s Ball of Light Patronus:
Spoke too soon, Potter. I’m here to end the rising action of the movie and thrust you and your sidekicks into an hour of camping trips.
Harry:
I knew it couldn’t last.
At the Burrow…
Ron:
We downsized from a multi-story house to a barely decent hut. Man, those Death Eaters are worse than the recession.
Hermione:
At least your parents still know who you are. Obliviate!
Mrs. Granger:
Hermione, your tea’s getting col-um, who am I talking to?
Mr. Granger:
I was about to ask you that.
Hermione:
On the bright side, they don’t remember they grounded me for using Polyjuice Potion to turn into Mom, then told Dad he should raise my allowance.
Later, at number four Privet Drive…
Harry:
I, for one, am happy to see the last of my lovely relations.
Dudley:
No fair! He gets my room and the whole house? I had to wear a pig’s tail because of him! Do they have TV where we’re going? I want a bigger bedroom! You wouldn’t give me the house to live in if I blew up Aunt Marge!
Harry:
Yup, definitely not gonna miss that.
Fred:
Don’t worry, you may be our brother-in-law someday.
Ron:
Hey, not so fast.
Hermione:
Oh, put a sock in it and drink your Polyjuice Potion, Ron.
Fleur:
Mon dieu, I am no longer unbelievably attractive! Quick, Bill, let me ‘ide be’ind you!
Fangirls:
We don’t mind. The more Harrys, the better!
Moody:
Blast these fangirls! We’ll need CONSTANT VIGILANCE if we are to complete this mission.
Hagrid:
C’mon, Harry, it’ll be just like old times on the good, ol’ motorbike.
Harry:
Yeah, the homicidal wizards chasing us usually put a damper on those good times.
Deatheaters:
These masks give us terrible aim. Wait, I think that’s him.
Fans:
NO, NOT HEDWIG!
Hedwig:
You can’t hit the giant, but you pinpointed a bird in midflight?
Voldemort:
Silence, insignificant Muggles! A pox on you all, you made me lose the boy again.
Later, at the former Burrow…
Scrimgeour:
I come bearing more plot devices. Cherish the feel of the worldly possessions Professor Dumbledore lovingly bestowed upon you.
Harry:
Um, is something supposed to happen when I hold this snitch?
Scrimgeour:
What a funny idea.
Lupin:
I was hoping we’d spend our honeymoon on a beach somewhere.
Tonks:
Seriously, where have you been for the past six movies?
Bill:
We still get to have an epic wedding scene!
Fred:
And you can finally tell us apart!
George:
I don’t think that was essential enough to warrant the loss of an ear.
Hermione:
Awesome wedding scene. We haven’t had such good choreography since the Yule Ball in Goblet of Fire.
Harry:
And I don’t have to dress up as a random Weasley cousin; things are looking up already.
Xenophilius:
And this gives us just enough time to add another plot device to the story: See this little triangle doohickey, Harry? It’ll be very important later…
Kingsley’s Ball of Light Patronus:
Spoke too soon, Potter. I’m here to end the rising action of the movie and thrust you and your sidekicks into an hour of camping trips.
Harry:
I knew it couldn’t last.