(no subject)
My dad took the day off from work so we headed out driving...he'd seen a BMW X3 in Dubuque in the exterior AND interior color combination he'd originally wanted last fall but couldn't find, so he then settled for the Pathfinder. So we went up there to test drive...it was a 2005 but had the bigger engine...purrs like a kitten. We wheeled and dealed for a solid 3 hours, my dad came home to "crunch the numbers" and after a full day of questioning whether the X3 will make him happy for longer than a year I think he's decided to lease the leftover 2005 or, possibly, a new 2006 if they can quote a similar lease deal. Considering that paying off my student loans is gonna be put on hold for this next venture, I'd better be getting a free coffee mug or t-shirt outta the deal, damnit.
On the way back to Iowa City we drove through a ton of small towns....if you live in Iowa you notice the random signs condemning abortion in and around these small farming communities. One in particular had a Precious Moments figure on it and said something like, "God Bless Mommy For Giving Me Life." Aaaanyway, I saw a letterboard outside of a church that read "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." Umm, I don't necessarily agree with this statement. I wouldn't say that I build walls between myself and the people around me. It's entirely possible to have a ton of friends and still feel hopelessly lonely, to be surrounded by a sea of people at a party but still feel like you're drowning. There's gotta be a more accurate explanation as to why people are lonely. Let's not place the blame solely on the person feeling lonely, thus, making them feel even more at odds with the rest of the world. At the same time, I agree....I push people away. BUT, I push only when my trust in someone is compromised. The more often trust is broken the harder it becomes to let the next person in. It's like a viciously intensifying cycle. Possibly ending at the point in which a person has no friends and no contact with anyone. But is it completely their fault? Why are we always so quick to blame them and only them? Shouldn't we point the finger at humanity as well? Because we can all be so cruel sometimes, so self-involved, insensitive and heartless.
To everyone out there, myself included: please think about what you say and do to other people whose lives you're involved in before you actually say or do it. Listen to your friends when they tell you something important that affects their lives so that you can respond to it appropriately should it ever come back up down the line. Keep those delicate moments in mind always so that you never lose perspective of where your friends have been and where they might be going. The more thought and effort you put into any type of relationship will strengthen the trust between you and will form the base for an actual friendship, not an acquaintance, which so many of us mistake for friendships. It's always the people who give so selflessly in a relationship who are often the loneliest because they take into consideration everyone's feelings and pasts while no one takes into consideration theirs, they go out of their way every day to make someone else's day brighter but no one offers them the same random acts of kindness. Feeling taken for granted, unappreciated and neglected can make someone feel more lonely than if they had no friends at all.
I sound like a made-for-TV-movie and I could give a shit less. 'Cause I'm so damn tired of it all.