(no subject)
I'm glad to be getting the help that I needed. It's really been helping and it has been a long time coming. I'm still waiting for everything to fully kick in. But still, I am dealing with how to work in an emotional mind, a wise mind and the all important rational mind. I've learned all sorts of techniques on how to deal with my anger. Though there are some days, when I still feel down and out, but getting better. In fact, getting better has been great in helping me go back to Indiana. My family, friends and therapist have actually been worried about me going back out to Indiana, for fear that I might not be able to handle this semester. And to be quite honest, I am a little scared. I, once again, will be away from home, the happy place that I love. I had a lot of support here. I can't factor out the times when my mother and sister had gotten upset with me. This summer, I've tried to the technique of asking them to let me know when I sound out of hand.
In doing so, and a bit of therapy, I was able to understand when I was sounding passive aggressive, when I was raising my voice and when I was acting irrational. It's so much easier to let things lie rather than to press the issue and keep going. Curiosity killed the cat. And sadly, lesson learned, always the hard way. I made a few mistakes in my life and I learned from them. And this depression is slowly releasing my grasp. I remember when I first went out to BSU, I was kinda scared to be away from home and even a bit afraid to go to Buddha's Circle just because I wanted some time to sort things out. If I only knew more about depression and that this wasn't something I couldnt just focus on and make it go away.
I don;'t like being this way, being unhappy, clouded judgement, sad, worried, hopeless, irritable and more. It actually really sucks, and I don't like it. So my support group being worried about me going back to Indiana, not knowing if I can deal with this semester, is kind of a big deal. But I'm tired of letting this control my life, I want my life back. And slowly, I think I'm gettin there. It makes me happy to know that I have people there who are with me, been through the same things as me, and are there to support me. It makes me happy...and makes this a whole lot easier to deal with.
In doing so, and a bit of therapy, I was able to understand when I was sounding passive aggressive, when I was raising my voice and when I was acting irrational. It's so much easier to let things lie rather than to press the issue and keep going. Curiosity killed the cat. And sadly, lesson learned, always the hard way. I made a few mistakes in my life and I learned from them. And this depression is slowly releasing my grasp. I remember when I first went out to BSU, I was kinda scared to be away from home and even a bit afraid to go to Buddha's Circle just because I wanted some time to sort things out. If I only knew more about depression and that this wasn't something I couldnt just focus on and make it go away.
I don;'t like being this way, being unhappy, clouded judgement, sad, worried, hopeless, irritable and more. It actually really sucks, and I don't like it. So my support group being worried about me going back to Indiana, not knowing if I can deal with this semester, is kind of a big deal. But I'm tired of letting this control my life, I want my life back. And slowly, I think I'm gettin there. It makes me happy to know that I have people there who are with me, been through the same things as me, and are there to support me. It makes me happy...and makes this a whole lot easier to deal with.