Demona Chronicles: The Summer of Loss
I don't think anyone will read this. It doesn't matter one way or another. I've lost so much through my own mistakes and folly. I used to think I had everything figured out, that everyone who felt things was foolish. I pushed down everything because it was easy. I didn't know how to manage what I was going through, day to day. I wasn't a good companion, boyfriend, husband. It wasn't for lack of love or want, but I did not give myself the tools I needed to give of myself for my wife. I loved her very much. I still do. But I didn't give her what she needed. I was so stupid. I once saw her on a pedestal, though I never showed that to her. I drove a wedge into our relationship, and ultimately my destructive behavior shattered it. I've lost so much that I didn't even realize was worth anything to me. I used to be annoyed when Sarah tried to talk to me when I was getting ready for work. Now, there is much I would give for someone to care enough about me to want to talk to me while I got dressed. I miss seeing someone when I get home from work. I miss feeling like I am someone's special person. I miss having a special person. I want a family, dreams, goals, a future, a present. Mostly I want to stop hurting. I want to keep learning lessons, and apply them.