FIC: A Little Knowledge (Supernatural - Dean/Castiel - FRAO - 1/1)
Title: A Little Knowledge
Author: Sam-Tony
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Dean and Sam/Dean/Castiel implied
Rating: FRAO - slash, incest, angels, demons, schmoop, h/c
--
Disclaimers: Not mine, no money made.
--
RoK Round: 10
Day: 02
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Prompt: Castiel admires the human race. He sees beauty in it, sees something special, and understands why they have to fight to keep them safe. He even understand them, to an extent; but he wants to learn more - more about emotions and love and things he hasn't felt and doesn't know.
Kink: "What's the difference between sex, and making love?"
Prompter: bakarini
--
Summary: Castiel has questions, but sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
--
A little Knowledge
--
Castiel admires the human race. He sees beauty in it, sees something special, and understands why they have to fight to keep them safe. He even understand them, to an extent; but he wants to learn more - more about emotions and love and things he hasn't felt and doesn't know.
He cannot ask; there is no one he knows that would not take the question amiss, and even fewer who would not scoff at the very need the angel has to ask. But it burns inside him, this question, and he thinks it is important. Worlds and civilizations have all fallen before it; as many if not more than have fallen for God, and Castiel is finding himself curious and a little wary of such a powerful unknown.
He watches Dean Winchester flirt with the waitress that serves him breakfast, knows he’s not serious, even as his brother smacks his arm, Sam wearing an expression somewhere between fond amusement and well worn resignation as Dean just smiles and digs into his eggs. Castiel knows, just as Sam knows, that Dean will go no further than that smile. Dean belongs to Sam in a way that brothers shouldn’t, just as Sam belongs to Dean the same way…
Heart, body and soul.
It has been that way since before Castiel had been told to watch them; long before angels, demons and Hell itself had tried to separate them; back when the only solace two little boys had, alone and scared and huddling in the back of their father’s car, was each other. Human decades may not be as long a love as an angel’s millennia, but it is long enough.
Castiel thinks he may have found someone of which to ask his question.
--
“Dean, may I ask you something?”
Green eyes cut sideways, Dean taking a swallow from the bottle in his hand before answering warily, “Why not? Go for it.”
Still, it was nowhere near as wary as it could have been between them; not even as wary as it had been in the beginning, when Castiel had been trying overly hard to awe and convey to the human his very important role in the war between angels and demons. Between Heaven and the Hell he had just been pulled from.
He likes to think they understand each other now, at least a little.
“What’s the difference between sex and making love?”
And if it was wrong of him to take a certain gleeful pleasure the spray of beer that sprinkled the dry, packed dirt of the parking lot, well, Castiel would be sure to feel appropriately guilty for it later.
“Come again?”
Another sideways glance and this time even Castiel could read the doubt for his motivations in the glare thrown his way. But, as he truly felt it important a distinction to find, Castiel asked again, “What is the difference between sex and making love? They look so similar to us, so much so that most angels cannot tell the physical differences in each act…but there must be. Sex, in and of itself, cannot destroy entire civilizations…”
Unspoken was that, supposedly so much more noble a thing, love could do that which sex itself could not; destroy and set cultures against each other for that which angels could not even discern a difference between.
For a long time, Dean didn’t answer. So long in fact that Castiel had come to the disappointed conclusion that he was not going to; either because he chose not to, or simply because he no more had the answer than the angel did.
“I’m sorry. I should go - “
“Cas.” Dean called to him and the angel turned to see the green eyes serious, thoughtful as he rolled the neck of the dark brown bottle between his hands. “You really want to know?”
“Yes, Dean. I would not have asked if I did not wish an answer.”
Again the green eyes met his and Castiel felt a jolt of - something - pass between them. “I know you watch me and Sammy,” Dean told him and Castiel could do nothing more than stand quiet under the not-quite-accusation. “Tell me - what do you see?”
It was not a plea for absolution, nor was it a demand for a confrontation, and so Castiel pushed those things aside and thought about what it was Dean *was* asking…what *did* he see when he watched Dean make love - have sex? - with his brother.
But as soon as the words flew across his mind, Castiel dismissed what passed between the brother’s as anything less than the love they so clearly felt for each other. Even when there was force between them, torn clothing, harsh sounds and bruises, there was no doubt that there was love there as well. It was in the careful touches after, the cloth that cleaned his brother’s body, the kiss that Sam pressed against the unintentional mark, and sometimes even the occasional intentional one…
“I see love,” the angel admitted. “I see care and concern that makes the act more than a physical release.”
Dean nodded, faint smile on his lips as he raised the bottle again, this time to clearly hide the blush that dusted his cheeks, making the faint freckles stand out against the color. For some reason he could not explain, that the human was uncomfortable with their conversation made Castiel wish to continue it.
“And you see sex, “ Dean prompted. “Two bodies mating together for that very physical release?’
“I…suppose…” Castiel frowned. But that didn’t seem quite right somehow. Having labeled what Dean and Sam had together, if only in his own mind, Castiel could not degrade so loving an act as just animal release… “No.” He looked up and found Dean looking at him intensely. “It is more than that, but how - why - I’m not sure.”
“Yeah, you’re right, it is. But I doubt Uriel would see it the same way.”
Castiel knew Dean was right about that. “No, he definitely would not.”
Dean smiled again, but this time it wasn’t the nice one he had favored the angel with before. “Would he watch?”
“I doubt the thought has ever occurred to him.” Uriel would be horrified to discover that Castiel did on a regular basis..
“But you do,” Dean pushed, pinning Castiel with that dark smile and knowing green eyes. “Why is that, I wonder?”
Castiel frowned. “I - have questions.”
Dean nodded. “That’s why you’re different,” the hunter told him, green eyes pinning him in place and somehow making it difficult to breathe. “Now what you need to ask yourself, Castiel, is what exactly you need to do to find the answers.”
With that, Dean hopped down off the hood of the Impala and walked back to the motel room he shared with Sam.
--
Castiel still did not understand the difference when Dean’s hands brushed the clothes from his borrowed body, nor when the soft lips claimed his; one hand cupped under his chin, Dean’s thumb caressing softly until Castiel felt himself moaning into the sure touch. Nor did he understand when Dean pulled him in against the smooth skin and hard muscles that bunched under his hesitant, wandering touch, mouths still pressed together, tongues each swallowing the other as Dean pressed in with fingers and body slick with lube and sweat.
He didn’t understand when Dean’s body drove into his, spiraling him higher toward a pleasure he had never thought to feel for his own, body tight and aching and seizing up as he finally broke with a harsh, desperate cry, Dean falling right behind him.
He barely remembered the question as he lay beside Dean, still surrounded by the strong arms as his breathing slowed down and came back under his own control, feeling Dean’s breath on his neck as Dean sighed, nose brushing under his hair at the nape.
And still, body once more quiet and sated, Castiel could not help but feel just a little bit…empty.
--
He knew what Dean had shared with him had not been what he shared with Sam; how could it be, when Dean did not love Castiel, and the angel himself incapable of love? And yet, watching from the Ether as humans came together with other strangers, with nothing more than pleasure and release on their minds, even if it had not risen to the level of human love, he could not help but feel it had been so much more than that shallow connection…
So he watched Dean with Sam, once again noting the care, the concern, that same he had shared with the angel, and felt his answer incomplete.
--
Castiel was still not sure he understood the differences between sex and love until he was forced to watch as Sam stood between his brother and Alistair, armed with nothing more than the sheer determination that the demon would not touch Dean, laying crumpled and bleeding behind him. His hands empty of even the demon-killing knife that had proven so ineffective before…
--
“You will not TOUCH him!” Sam screamed out, standing braced and defiant between the demon and his brother, Dean all but unconscious on the ground behind him.
“Ah and who’s gonna stop me, Sammy? You?” Alistair sneered, arms crossed across his borrowed chest in casual disregard to the human’s anger. “Dean’s mine. I broke him and now I’m reclaiming him. Best you get out of my way before I claim you, too. Not like angel boy there can stop me.”
Castiel tensed, knowing the demon was right and hating the fact. He had not been given the choice to interfere this time…
Sam‘s eyes, so much like his brother’s, flickered between them, noting the truth in the taunts. But even then he did not waver. “I’ll stop you.”
“As I said before, kid, you don’t have the juice.” Alistair’s eyes blazed and still Sam did not move. “He’s mine.”
“No.” The younger Winchester denied grimly, and this time when the green eyes came up, Castiel saw the shimmer of power in them. Sam had decided to fight with the only weapon he had left. “He’s mine.”
And before Alistair could do more than snarl in thwarted rage, Sam raised his hand and let the power that ran in his blood free…
…and Castiel found himself doing the same thing.
--
“Easy Dean,” Sam spoke softly, easing his brother down onto the bed, shifting his weight just enough to pull down the covers before easing him under them. “You’re safe. He’s gone, I promise.”
“Sammy…” The voice was still weak, the eyes still unfocused as Dean tried to rise, to touch as Sam evaded the uncoordinated arms and hands with the ease of long practice. Castiel had healed the major wounds in the car as Sam drove; all that was left was for Dean to regain his bearings and his strength.
Sam‘s hand brushed over Dean‘s forehead, soothing him. “I’m here.”
Castiel watched from the window where he lay down the line of salt that would keep out any minor demons that may have been attracted by the supernatural battle. Castiel himself would take care of any the salt could not handle.
The worry in his name called him out of his resolve.
“Cas? Is - is he…?”
“He will live, Sam,” Castiel told him, trying to assure him with a hand that felt only slightly wrong placed on the broad shoulder. “He only needs to rest. You should do the same. I will keep watch.”
“Back there…you weren’t supposed to help us,” Sam accused. “Were you?”
“No. I was not allowed to interfere.”
“Then why?” Sam asked. “Why would you risk it?”
His eyes flickered between Sam, the window and Dean laying still and quiet on the bed behind Sam, feeling the truth well up on his tongue. Thinking back to the sight of Sam standing between one of Hell’s greatest demons, knowing he had failed against him not so long ago…Castiel found himself asking instead, “You were told never to use the power which you possess. Why would you?”
“Because he’s my brother,” Sam answered immediately. “Because he’s been through too much; more than anyone should be asked…because I‘m not losing him again.” Emotion choked him and the tears he hadn’t shed before now fell as it hit home just how close Sam *had* come to losing Dean to Hell, again.
“Because you love him,” Castiel finished for him, turning what should have been a question into a statement of fact.
The wonder of it all was that he even thought he knew, now, that very difference he had been asking Dean to explain to him. Not necessarily between sex and love, but why humans fought, fell, killed and clung to each other for the one but not the other. Sex could be empty or full, but love was the one thing that would allow humankind to transcend all that they were, simply to turn around and sacrifice it all for another. Love was powerful; more than that, love was dangerous…
And love was what had allowed Sam Winchester to defy both Heaven and Hell for his brother.
It was what had *not* allowed Castiel to simply stand back and watch as Sam began to falter; time, experience and a ruthless evil on the demon’s side as Alistair had begun to force Sam to his knees, the pain from his power feeding back on him and blinding him until he could no longer see the demon he was still fighting valiantly to keep away from his brother. And still he fought.
It was what had made Castiel strike, sending Alistair screaming back to Hell to fight another day.
“It is…why I did as I did as well.” Unable to face Sam, Castiel admitted softly, allowing his confusion and doubt to show on his face as green eyes watched him lean wearily against the peeling wooden frame, staring out into the night sky beyond the trees that ringed the empty parking lot. “I once asked Dean to explain the difference between sex and love, because I did not understand how two acts that looked exactly the same, could be so very different. How one would incite nothing more than a release of animal passion, sharp, brief and intensely shallow, and the other…” Castiel turned to him now, sadness and passion in his own eyes as he admitted, “How the other could move mountains…could destroy entire civilizations…could induce a human to stand alone against a demon, knowing he had no chance at victory but standing his ground anyway, all in the name of love.”
Green eyes shone with memories and tears as Sam looked at him and Castiel found that he had to go - go now, before he lost himself even more in those eyes, so much like his brother’s…
“Cas - “
Straightening from his slouch, Castiel once more reclaimed his own weight, intending to leave and stand guard from the Ether instead of staying on the mortal plane. “I think I understand it now, thank you.”
“Cas, wait!”
He turned at the plea, unable not to.
“Cas I know about…well, you and Dean,” Sam admitted. “He told me.”
“I know.” Another thing that drew him to Dean, and to an extent to his brother; that sense of honor and loyalty to friends, family, loved ones. Castiel would not be surprised to learn that Sam had known before Dean had offered to demonstrate…
“I - just…don’t go too far, okay?” Sam asked urgently. “Hell, don’t *go*.”
“Sam…” Castiel looked at the human and was mortally afraid that everything he should not know was currently reflected in his eyes. “I should not be here.“
Sam sighed, his face crumpling in dejection. “I don’t like the thought of you all alone out there tonight, okay?”
To his chagrin Castiel found it had much the same effect on him that it did on Dean.
“I shall stay.”
Sam smiled in relief, reaching out a hand and pulling the angel down to sit on the bed beside him. “Whatever this is - Cas, we’ll figure it out together, okay?”
Castiel thought about that, about not having to rely solely on his faith for answers, and looked between Sam’s earnest caring and to Dean, eyes open and serious as he nodded his agreement, and felt himself nodding in return. “Okay.”
He thought he might have finally have his answer, whole and complete, in the hands that reached out for his, gripping and squeezing tight.
Sex might be a release for the body, but love…love was a release for the soul.
End