(no subject)
i hate this. i hate saying goodbye to him. its hard. every weekend its hard. i wont see him again for 2 weeks. he'll be back the weekend of our 1 1/2 yr anniversary. which im happy about, im happy he'll be here for that. but its so hard to say goodbye and not be with him. i cry every time. and its not even that far that he's going. i just hate being away from him. and i get all sad and stuff when he leaves and then tomorrow ill be ok. i dont want to go home this summer, i want to stay here with him. but i cant bc i need the money. i need to see my family. but i need him too. i hate this. i miss him so much...
ok so im back for an update. i didnt register for classes next semester. honestly i didnt even know it was time to register this weekend until i heard someone talking about it. well i guess ive made the decision not to come back. i found a car i want to buy at the end of the summer. and drive it back to phoenix. ive looked at apartments. chances are ill have to get a roommate to make it easy to pay. which sucks, i dont want a roomie but whatever. i told matt that i just want to move to prescott and us two live together and he wants that too. but we both know our parents wouldnt condone that at all. and i said well if we're married they cant do anything about it. and he said you know i cant afford to marry you right now. which i know, and im fine with that. i only said that to see what he said about the marriage subject. bc we always used to talk about it before we went on that break. but i was scared to talk about it after we got back together. so i wanted to try it to see what he said. and it was a relatively good answer. what it used to be pretty much. anyways, i need to talk to my parents when i get home. im scared to talk to them simply bc i know they dont really want me to do this...but i do. bc i want this second degree and i dont wanna go to school in texas for it. and i still wanna dance. and i wanna be near matt. and i want money to start flowing out of my ass....and this summer i still have to pay off the sorority too. that sucks. but whatever money isnt spent on that, i need to save. im hoping maybe dad and i can fly out here once or twice this summer so i can look for a job to start when i move up there. bc it will suck if i get a car and a place to live and all that, and then no job to pay for it. but i dont want to move back to texas where its all easy. i just dont. i want to be near matt. i need to be near him. i just wish everything was easy to figure out. i had so much fun this weekend with him, but its time to get back to stressing about life. matt told me to just relax and have fun the rest of the semester. and i told him i cant afford fun...its time to stress again. thats all i seem to do lately. and that sucks. i miss him. i want him back, to hold me and tell me everythings ok. i love him. he's always there for me and i love it. he's great. anyways, i need to go to bed soon. hope i can get some sleep. bye.
ok so im back for an update. i didnt register for classes next semester. honestly i didnt even know it was time to register this weekend until i heard someone talking about it. well i guess ive made the decision not to come back. i found a car i want to buy at the end of the summer. and drive it back to phoenix. ive looked at apartments. chances are ill have to get a roommate to make it easy to pay. which sucks, i dont want a roomie but whatever. i told matt that i just want to move to prescott and us two live together and he wants that too. but we both know our parents wouldnt condone that at all. and i said well if we're married they cant do anything about it. and he said you know i cant afford to marry you right now. which i know, and im fine with that. i only said that to see what he said about the marriage subject. bc we always used to talk about it before we went on that break. but i was scared to talk about it after we got back together. so i wanted to try it to see what he said. and it was a relatively good answer. what it used to be pretty much. anyways, i need to talk to my parents when i get home. im scared to talk to them simply bc i know they dont really want me to do this...but i do. bc i want this second degree and i dont wanna go to school in texas for it. and i still wanna dance. and i wanna be near matt. and i want money to start flowing out of my ass....and this summer i still have to pay off the sorority too. that sucks. but whatever money isnt spent on that, i need to save. im hoping maybe dad and i can fly out here once or twice this summer so i can look for a job to start when i move up there. bc it will suck if i get a car and a place to live and all that, and then no job to pay for it. but i dont want to move back to texas where its all easy. i just dont. i want to be near matt. i need to be near him. i just wish everything was easy to figure out. i had so much fun this weekend with him, but its time to get back to stressing about life. matt told me to just relax and have fun the rest of the semester. and i told him i cant afford fun...its time to stress again. thats all i seem to do lately. and that sucks. i miss him. i want him back, to hold me and tell me everythings ok. i love him. he's always there for me and i love it. he's great. anyways, i need to go to bed soon. hope i can get some sleep. bye.