The Voices R Getn Louder
Been thinking a lot today we were dead at work had no business till 2. so therefore I had time to sit and do nothing but think...this got me scared
The first thing that popped into my head is that we are moving into a house in 1 week and I am stoked but so scared at the same time. I realize that I need to do this to show my mom and her stupid husband that I can do things on my own and that im not as big a screw up as they think I am. then I remembered all the fights me and my mom have had... not so entertaining.
But then.... i start to think am i making the right choice, is this really what i need to do?, will my mom approve of me or will she do the I think thats great but behind my back be all I cant believe she is doing this thing. will i be able to afford school and rent and car insurance and my phone bill. I ask myself these questions day in and day out, but i never really answer myself. I guess we will just wait and see. meh!
After this war in my head I start to think about one of the very little happy things in my life right now and that led my thoughts to don. Him in which i have been pining over since I met him in school last semester, but only now are we hanging out, excited I may be but saddended at the same time becasue he is too good for me and i know that i will never be able to land a great guy such as himself or himself for that matter. my childhood experiences have so much to do with the decisions i make to day and i hate every minute of it... i know it is because of them i miss out on so much. me and don are jus friends for now and I was the one that said we need to take it slow so like the gentleman he is he obliged. and i thank him every day for it. i love the fact that I can talk to him about anything, the last person i was able to do that with was nathaniel and i dont want to go down that path again. they are so different but so much alike it makes me want to scream. then I look at other people around me and realize that i need to quit my bitching and live life. I never know where i will end up next....maybe one day i will figure it out...if in the arms of a loving man so be it, if alone in my room cuddled with my blanket so be it... ahhhh! so much stuff to run through my head. i dont know how i do it...
hopefully i will figure this out!
The first thing that popped into my head is that we are moving into a house in 1 week and I am stoked but so scared at the same time. I realize that I need to do this to show my mom and her stupid husband that I can do things on my own and that im not as big a screw up as they think I am. then I remembered all the fights me and my mom have had... not so entertaining.
But then.... i start to think am i making the right choice, is this really what i need to do?, will my mom approve of me or will she do the I think thats great but behind my back be all I cant believe she is doing this thing. will i be able to afford school and rent and car insurance and my phone bill. I ask myself these questions day in and day out, but i never really answer myself. I guess we will just wait and see. meh!
After this war in my head I start to think about one of the very little happy things in my life right now and that led my thoughts to don. Him in which i have been pining over since I met him in school last semester, but only now are we hanging out, excited I may be but saddended at the same time becasue he is too good for me and i know that i will never be able to land a great guy such as himself or himself for that matter. my childhood experiences have so much to do with the decisions i make to day and i hate every minute of it... i know it is because of them i miss out on so much. me and don are jus friends for now and I was the one that said we need to take it slow so like the gentleman he is he obliged. and i thank him every day for it. i love the fact that I can talk to him about anything, the last person i was able to do that with was nathaniel and i dont want to go down that path again. they are so different but so much alike it makes me want to scream. then I look at other people around me and realize that i need to quit my bitching and live life. I never know where i will end up next....maybe one day i will figure it out...if in the arms of a loving man so be it, if alone in my room cuddled with my blanket so be it... ahhhh! so much stuff to run through my head. i dont know how i do it...
hopefully i will figure this out!