New DC Metro Rule
Thanks to a dead car battery, Taylor was treated to her first Metro morning commute. My first several months spent in DC I was without a car and quickly learned the all too critical rules about commuting on the subway.
* Always walk on the left and stand on the right of the escalator.
* If you need to get your bearings, find your cell phone in your bag, or otherwise stop one should move to the side of the platform out of the flow of traffic.
* If you need to buy a fare card or put money on your SmartCard try to do so in a quick manner.
We all have a job to get to and no one likes dealing with the damn tourists that just couldn’t wait until after 9am to see the Washington Monument.
This morning Taylor and I were treated to an entirely new rule which I feel must be posted. Once Taylor and I boarded the train we sat next to each other in a car that had a rather low population of occupants for that time of the morning. Once the train started a gentleman standing next to me dropped what I can only imagine was either…
A. The gold pen his great-grandfather gave him as a graduation present.
B. A brand new tube of chapstick which was critically important to the survival of his chapped lips.
C. A roll of quarters which would be required to do laundry before his big date later in the evening.
I assumed that it was one of these three things because upon dropping the said item the gentleman promptly bent over in a move that geometrically put his asshole on the same plane of existence as my nose. He then proceeded to back up in a mad scramble for the object that rolled between his legs and in the process plotted a collision course between his sphincter and my schnauzer. Thankfully my cat like reflexes and my time spent training as a ninja while attending community college paid off, and I was able to artfully dodge his attack. My adrenaline rush managed to slow the passage of time and the close call of the entire ass to face ordeal reminded me of the similar “not so lucky” time when I took a baseball to the face. So I would like to suggest in the future
* If you drop something on the subway, be so kind as to kick it in to a corner and BEND down to pick it up once the train stops.
* Always walk on the left and stand on the right of the escalator.
* If you need to get your bearings, find your cell phone in your bag, or otherwise stop one should move to the side of the platform out of the flow of traffic.
* If you need to buy a fare card or put money on your SmartCard try to do so in a quick manner.
We all have a job to get to and no one likes dealing with the damn tourists that just couldn’t wait until after 9am to see the Washington Monument.
This morning Taylor and I were treated to an entirely new rule which I feel must be posted. Once Taylor and I boarded the train we sat next to each other in a car that had a rather low population of occupants for that time of the morning. Once the train started a gentleman standing next to me dropped what I can only imagine was either…
A. The gold pen his great-grandfather gave him as a graduation present.
B. A brand new tube of chapstick which was critically important to the survival of his chapped lips.
C. A roll of quarters which would be required to do laundry before his big date later in the evening.
I assumed that it was one of these three things because upon dropping the said item the gentleman promptly bent over in a move that geometrically put his asshole on the same plane of existence as my nose. He then proceeded to back up in a mad scramble for the object that rolled between his legs and in the process plotted a collision course between his sphincter and my schnauzer. Thankfully my cat like reflexes and my time spent training as a ninja while attending community college paid off, and I was able to artfully dodge his attack. My adrenaline rush managed to slow the passage of time and the close call of the entire ass to face ordeal reminded me of the similar “not so lucky” time when I took a baseball to the face. So I would like to suggest in the future
* If you drop something on the subway, be so kind as to kick it in to a corner and BEND down to pick it up once the train stops.