I have the words, I found the words, The words beat me...
So I keep dreaming a story. Many stories. And poetry. Many poems. I read Uncle Walt again and I know I can write too. I hear it in my brain, like a Speaker of the Dead*. I wonder who will speak for my death?
I wrote to Scarlett in a small way, I hope she answers. I spent all day Sunday thinking about where else I could be in this life. Most of *that* story takes place outside of Grapevine or Texas, so I better get a new script, huh? Cause I don't even have a fucking car...
I am ever listening. I emailed to N. regarding the Opening and real control. He hasn't written back , but there is nothing to read in this cause I don't think he saw it yet, maybe in a few hours. I am trying to gently 'ping' him in the ether but his ears ain't on yet.
I know Grant can hear me, but he is too ashamed now to talk. He has nothing to be truly ashamed to me about, but his other guilts are holding him down. Wake Up Baby! My judgments can only perfectly reflect your own. This is what the empath does, but now you are running from yourself. Please be careful, and leave us something to heal and bring back...
I know I was frustrated with Megan or just way too tired, when I used too many double negatives in talking to her. I am sorry Megan, and I hope you figured out what little I was trying to say.
It was mostly 'do this, or do that (I am a hum-drum taskmaster), and 'you're not just okay, you're grrrreat!' Why can't you believe me and your other friends when we say that? You are beautiful, and not in the glossy, brittle candy kind of way. Your vaginal mist (i.e. public femininty) is always preceded by words like "voluptuous, meaningful, vulnerable, knowing, contentment, afterglow". Maybe it's not Janet or Magenta, but it is you.
*Speaker of the Dead refers to a book title and concept by Orson Scott Card, in which someone spends a considerable time researching the truth of someone's life, in order to speak it publicly to all who knew that person. It's way deeper than a glorifying and short eulogy, and can take place months or years after that person has passed on. I have the whole series if you wanna borrow it.