on with the show
i don't know why i'm even writing this here.
i feel like part of me is missing now....my former best friend and probably the one person who helped make me who i am moreso than any other one person, died tonight at the age of 21. i posted this on my myspace:
"so.
i am devastated as i write this, but feel for some reason, though none of you knew him, this must be publicly addressed...
my former best friend from years ago, todd cain, passed away tonight. of a cocaine overdose. neither i nor his family was aware of his addiction. i had a well thought out eulogy of sorts ready to type, but in keeping with the secular tradition of our friendship, i won't go into too much further detail. if you want to know anything, feel free to ask me, but don't be disappointed if i'm short with the answers.
todd cain, jaime towns, and myself were an extremely secular group of friends throughout my 6th and 7th grade years. not only inseperable and practically family, we didn't spend our free time with anyone else. we had a band, inspired by a common love of the misfits and horror movies, called the seventeens (hence my name for everyone who has asked.) jaime and todd were both 2 years older than me, one grade ahead. jaime had an unfortunate situation with a girlfriend and, nonsensically, took his own life at the age of 14. i haven't discussed this with too many people, as todd and i were both impacted and changed so much that we chose to eliminate the negativity by honoring him in our own secular way. todd and i eventually lost touch aside from a few conversations to keep in touch, and 3 years ago when todd turned 18 he moved to LA. todd cain died tonight, april 17th, at 21 years of age. i am too shocked to be a wreck right now, and maybe too desensitized to ever be, but todd and jaime will forever live on in my mind as two amazing musicians, amazing people, and the seventeens will always be remembered as the most positive and character-shaping time of my life.
r.i.p. todd and jaime seventeen
im moving on with and without you.
-jesse 17"
somehow that doesn't quite cut it...as much as todd and i didn't talk since jaime's passing, there was an unbreakable bond there. we always had one another's back when someone was talking shit about us, even when we hadn't been in contact for half a year at a time....we could not see each other for a year and hang out once for like 6 hours and never feel like a day had gone by, aside from jaime's noticeable absence. i didn't mention this in the bulletin because it didn't occur to me, but jaime's body was found on july 17th 1998, and todd died on april 17th. in case you didn'd notice, the name of our band was the seventeens, which was a slightly obscure reference to another band we all liked at the time, but we thought had no meaning. this leaves me hoping my only tie to the number 17 is that my birthday is august 17th, and not the date of my death...im having a hard time handling the fact that im the only living member of my first band, and im 19. im also having a hard time accepting that im not a wreck already. i havent cried once. i appear to be my usual demeanor...make no mistake inside my head im flipping out but no one could tell unless i said i don't think....the only upside, which isn't an upside but it's the only thing i've thought of that isn't negative....i had an awful habit this past summer. i quit around mid august but struggled with it...the ONLY thing that kept me from it long enough to make the craving pass was sarah. she meant enough to me at the time that i changed myself to be better for her, and when we broke up i treated it like it was the biggest thing ever but it was so small compared to this...our relationship served it's purpose, which was to get me to break a deadly habit, and i am forever thankful for the time i spent with her and everything that came with it, good and bad. i feel like i was such a child now, and there's no way to make up for it so i am moving on.
i'm done. for whoever has the misfortune of reading this, i apologize.
i feel like part of me is missing now....my former best friend and probably the one person who helped make me who i am moreso than any other one person, died tonight at the age of 21. i posted this on my myspace:
"so.
i am devastated as i write this, but feel for some reason, though none of you knew him, this must be publicly addressed...
my former best friend from years ago, todd cain, passed away tonight. of a cocaine overdose. neither i nor his family was aware of his addiction. i had a well thought out eulogy of sorts ready to type, but in keeping with the secular tradition of our friendship, i won't go into too much further detail. if you want to know anything, feel free to ask me, but don't be disappointed if i'm short with the answers.
todd cain, jaime towns, and myself were an extremely secular group of friends throughout my 6th and 7th grade years. not only inseperable and practically family, we didn't spend our free time with anyone else. we had a band, inspired by a common love of the misfits and horror movies, called the seventeens (hence my name for everyone who has asked.) jaime and todd were both 2 years older than me, one grade ahead. jaime had an unfortunate situation with a girlfriend and, nonsensically, took his own life at the age of 14. i haven't discussed this with too many people, as todd and i were both impacted and changed so much that we chose to eliminate the negativity by honoring him in our own secular way. todd and i eventually lost touch aside from a few conversations to keep in touch, and 3 years ago when todd turned 18 he moved to LA. todd cain died tonight, april 17th, at 21 years of age. i am too shocked to be a wreck right now, and maybe too desensitized to ever be, but todd and jaime will forever live on in my mind as two amazing musicians, amazing people, and the seventeens will always be remembered as the most positive and character-shaping time of my life.
r.i.p. todd and jaime seventeen
im moving on with and without you.
-jesse 17"
somehow that doesn't quite cut it...as much as todd and i didn't talk since jaime's passing, there was an unbreakable bond there. we always had one another's back when someone was talking shit about us, even when we hadn't been in contact for half a year at a time....we could not see each other for a year and hang out once for like 6 hours and never feel like a day had gone by, aside from jaime's noticeable absence. i didn't mention this in the bulletin because it didn't occur to me, but jaime's body was found on july 17th 1998, and todd died on april 17th. in case you didn'd notice, the name of our band was the seventeens, which was a slightly obscure reference to another band we all liked at the time, but we thought had no meaning. this leaves me hoping my only tie to the number 17 is that my birthday is august 17th, and not the date of my death...im having a hard time handling the fact that im the only living member of my first band, and im 19. im also having a hard time accepting that im not a wreck already. i havent cried once. i appear to be my usual demeanor...make no mistake inside my head im flipping out but no one could tell unless i said i don't think....the only upside, which isn't an upside but it's the only thing i've thought of that isn't negative....i had an awful habit this past summer. i quit around mid august but struggled with it...the ONLY thing that kept me from it long enough to make the craving pass was sarah. she meant enough to me at the time that i changed myself to be better for her, and when we broke up i treated it like it was the biggest thing ever but it was so small compared to this...our relationship served it's purpose, which was to get me to break a deadly habit, and i am forever thankful for the time i spent with her and everything that came with it, good and bad. i feel like i was such a child now, and there's no way to make up for it so i am moving on.
i'm done. for whoever has the misfortune of reading this, i apologize.