sitting at the edge of frustration

[havoc41383]

i resently got a girlfriend, for those who know me it's an act on par with finding the 9th sheveron in stargate. unfortunatly as sweet as she is my insecurity's won't leave me be. i just texted her and see what time she wanted to hang out today and when i got her responce, instead of thinking to myself that she just wanted to get alittle more time to herself, i thought "huh she must becomeing bored with me". i hate this feeling that i need to so damn hard on myself that i might as well jump of my house, break both of my legs and yell at myself for not walking to the phone to dial 911. this inner haterd that i have swirling around in a fashion on to be desribed as masaquistic, it's hard to think straight. i want to be happy, and she makes me feel alittle better when i am around her. i am just more concerned that i am more likly to reveal how much hatred i have for myself and think that i must have the same contempt for the rest of the human race. which is not the case, hell i let people get away with stabbing me in the chest breaking off the knife and all they have to do is say sorry. i might as well shoot myself in the foot thought with thinking like that. with the way things are going latly i feel like a giant pile of crap and certain people, they know who they are, seem to think it's funny to set the pile a light and dance while i continue to hold it. ugh. i guess i just have to find a way to silence that voice in my head. do they make muzzles for that?

thanks for reaching this far

me