Can we just get over this?
I hoped to change some things about myself. Unfortunately, this weekend has shown me that I am still as jealous and insecure as ever. It could be the sickness. I will tell me that. That goddamn sinking feeling and the inability to focus on anything but the bad! Goddamn, there was so much that was amazing. There was only one, only goddamned ONE that didn't put his foot in his fucking mouth.
And I can't blame them. I can not blame them for telling me the same things that I would tell them. But I want to. Would that I didn't have just this little chunk of history. Just that one. Just maybe flash it away? Spotless mind?
What is it that will give me me back? Was it horses? Was it ceramics? What was it? Was it arguing? Was it feeling like I had something worth arguing about? Those have been taken from me, been made wrong. Arguementative, opinionated, threatening. Are those so fucking wrong? Doesn't anyone want to talk about it anymore? Or have we all just decided that the silence is better, yeah, me too, relate relate relate.
Careful now! Don't alienate ANYONE! Who knows if our connections can handle a little fraying. Better smooth it over, no brooding, especially not for me. Already too tall, already mannlich, I'd be a little less imposing if I were just a little bit smaller, looked down a little more, a little bit more self-depricating.
Oh! Get a sense of humor. Don't be so sensitive. Let it roll off. Rooooollllll off just like drops of water.
Get well soon.
And I can't blame them. I can not blame them for telling me the same things that I would tell them. But I want to. Would that I didn't have just this little chunk of history. Just that one. Just maybe flash it away? Spotless mind?
What is it that will give me me back? Was it horses? Was it ceramics? What was it? Was it arguing? Was it feeling like I had something worth arguing about? Those have been taken from me, been made wrong. Arguementative, opinionated, threatening. Are those so fucking wrong? Doesn't anyone want to talk about it anymore? Or have we all just decided that the silence is better, yeah, me too, relate relate relate.
Careful now! Don't alienate ANYONE! Who knows if our connections can handle a little fraying. Better smooth it over, no brooding, especially not for me. Already too tall, already mannlich, I'd be a little less imposing if I were just a little bit smaller, looked down a little more, a little bit more self-depricating.
Oh! Get a sense of humor. Don't be so sensitive. Let it roll off. Rooooollllll off just like drops of water.
Get well soon.