(no subject)
I noticed today that there's only a few choice people in your entire life that will honestly make you want to be a better person and inspire you to do so. I noticed how extremely lucky I am to have a lot of those people in my life right now. My boyfriend is my best friend in the world and I love him to death, no matter how many stupid fights I pick with him. My friends are so amazing, the funnest, awesomest, sweetest! They have my back no matter what and I love that.
After everything happened with my dad I tried not to let it bring me down, and it didn't at first because I was going out with Morgan, who I thought was the guy I was "supposed" to be with. Turns out I was wrong. My close friends know exactly what he did, but basically he broke my heart, taped it back together, and then broke it again repeatedly over an 8 month period of time. I cried through the whole relationship and was crushed when I finally realized he was never going to change. This is my question. Why wasn't I one of those people in Morgan's life that made him want to be a better person? I treated him so good and cared about him so much, why couldn't he just return it? After I finally realized it was over I slipped back into depression, and I started cutting. It was like a relase, as dumb as it sounds, because I had no way of showing the pain I was feeling on the inside, on the outside..and seeing the blood and the scars was my way of "relaxation" if that's what you would call it. After a few friends help, I stopped, but the pain still existed.
After that I had finally thought I found a guy who liked me for me, and then I realized he liked me for a certain part of me and what I could do..and when I wouldn't "put out" the relationship ended. Then he tried to get me back, and I let him. After I realized it wasn't going anywhere it was over..but by his request. The pain was unbearable becasue I couldn't believe I had let my walls down for another guy just to be screwed over again.
Then came Eric. This cute, sweet boy in my Math class. I immediately noticed him and said something to a mutual friend. Of course he had a girlfriend, just my luck. About 3 weeks later after they broke up I got a phone call from Eric. I couldn't stop smiling, I swear. After that we talked more and more and one night after (a little) to drink I called and told him how much I liked him. Basically that led to us going to the movies and then eventually going out. Now it's a month and 1/2 later and I already love him more then you could ever imagine. This week has been tough, but I know he understands where I'm coming from with certain things. So hopefully everthing is going to smooth itself out. Today Alyssa said something I will never forget. She said "You need to figure out what you want. Do you want to keep dealing with his shit or do you want to miss his shit ever day of your life." It just clicked then and I started crying. I know I can live without him, but I don't want to. I just want him to understand sometimes.
Question. What's true love? When do you know it's that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love? Answer. You just do. It's this feeling in the bottom of your stomach. It's those butterflies you get when you see them. It's that feeling you get when you're kissing them and you know you never want to kiss anybody else for the rest of your life. I'm lucky that I have it, but I'm wondering if he feels the same way. I know he loves me, I can tell by the way he looks at me when he says it, but I'm just wondering how deep it goes.
I know this was long, but if you got through it, thank you. I was inspired by my Jenna. There's a lot of personal stuff here, so if you're not gonna say somethin nice, please don't comment at all. I love you guys so much! <3
After everything happened with my dad I tried not to let it bring me down, and it didn't at first because I was going out with Morgan, who I thought was the guy I was "supposed" to be with. Turns out I was wrong. My close friends know exactly what he did, but basically he broke my heart, taped it back together, and then broke it again repeatedly over an 8 month period of time. I cried through the whole relationship and was crushed when I finally realized he was never going to change. This is my question. Why wasn't I one of those people in Morgan's life that made him want to be a better person? I treated him so good and cared about him so much, why couldn't he just return it? After I finally realized it was over I slipped back into depression, and I started cutting. It was like a relase, as dumb as it sounds, because I had no way of showing the pain I was feeling on the inside, on the outside..and seeing the blood and the scars was my way of "relaxation" if that's what you would call it. After a few friends help, I stopped, but the pain still existed.
After that I had finally thought I found a guy who liked me for me, and then I realized he liked me for a certain part of me and what I could do..and when I wouldn't "put out" the relationship ended. Then he tried to get me back, and I let him. After I realized it wasn't going anywhere it was over..but by his request. The pain was unbearable becasue I couldn't believe I had let my walls down for another guy just to be screwed over again.
Then came Eric. This cute, sweet boy in my Math class. I immediately noticed him and said something to a mutual friend. Of course he had a girlfriend, just my luck. About 3 weeks later after they broke up I got a phone call from Eric. I couldn't stop smiling, I swear. After that we talked more and more and one night after (a little) to drink I called and told him how much I liked him. Basically that led to us going to the movies and then eventually going out. Now it's a month and 1/2 later and I already love him more then you could ever imagine. This week has been tough, but I know he understands where I'm coming from with certain things. So hopefully everthing is going to smooth itself out. Today Alyssa said something I will never forget. She said "You need to figure out what you want. Do you want to keep dealing with his shit or do you want to miss his shit ever day of your life." It just clicked then and I started crying. I know I can live without him, but I don't want to. I just want him to understand sometimes.
Question. What's true love? When do you know it's that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love? Answer. You just do. It's this feeling in the bottom of your stomach. It's those butterflies you get when you see them. It's that feeling you get when you're kissing them and you know you never want to kiss anybody else for the rest of your life. I'm lucky that I have it, but I'm wondering if he feels the same way. I know he loves me, I can tell by the way he looks at me when he says it, but I'm just wondering how deep it goes.
I know this was long, but if you got through it, thank you. I was inspired by my Jenna. There's a lot of personal stuff here, so if you're not gonna say somethin nice, please don't comment at all. I love you guys so much! <3