I feel disgusting
Scroungy even. Moments like these are the ones when I am not really that into being a parent. I don't remember when I last had a bath. I'm going to guess, Saturday, but it could have been longer. I don't know why . . . it's just not come up? Meanwhile, I drank a lot of coffee earlier because I was afflicted with "Dragon Ass" and now I'm wide awake and it's like 2 am. I guess after I write this I am going to take the golden opportunity to clean my bathroom, maybe my bedroom, and take a fucking shower.
Before having a kid, it was fine to do this all nighter bullshit - but now that I am a mommy, I can't sleep all day to recover. Hence the above statement. In other news, I am in a 90s R&B mood, so I downloaded The Tony Rich Project - Words. The diet bit is coming slowly. I wish I had the energy to exercise. I have this weird thing - I imagine it's related to perfection - if I can't work out super hard, I feel like it's not doing me any good. Most of the time I don't have the energy for that. Nevermind the fact that I am so out of shape that I pant a break a sweat walking quickly to and from my car. Not. Even. Joking. I have also developed this strange phobia as of late - I am terrified that I am going to start working out and have a heart attack. Or that my heart will explode. Or something. I don't know where it came from. I think I drank too much caffeine a while ago and when I was trying to get to sleep I could feel my heart racing and then I thought it skipped a beat and it freaked me out. My brain knows that I would be 100% better off if I would just get up and move my ass. Walking would be immensely beneficial at this point, but the only time I have the energy is when I'm caffeinated and we just went over why I think that's a bad idea.
The dog is doing better. I found out that he doesn't have heart failure. He's got some kind of protein absorption problem and that's what was making him sick. So, I've been making him homemade dog food and feeding him high pro kibble to boot. He looks like the guy in Thinner, but he's acting like he feels better, so that's good. I've not been very consistent about his meds, but I got tired of cleaning up pee and poo every morning real quick like. He's eating well, and he's dropped the water weight so I'm not too concerned. I really need to get him on more of a schedule. We all need one of those around here.
Jake is down to less than 30 day in Afghanistan. I am excited that he's coming home, but I'm also kind of nervous. Things are really different since he's been gone a year. I hope the transition is smooth. It irritates me that he's got a laundry list of things that he wants to do (rugby, judo, underwater basket weaving . . . ) meanwhile, all my interests (meditation, karaoke, pottery) have been put on hold all this time. We're going to have to find a way to strike a balance. He's also going to have to find a way to make time for family stuff. I cannot express to you how much I hate the Army. They make a big show of paying lip service to families, but I'm here to tell you, that's all it is. He said today that he was over "playing army" for a while. Glad to know he finally sees it for what it is.
P.S. This album makes me think of Issiah. Saudades.
Before having a kid, it was fine to do this all nighter bullshit - but now that I am a mommy, I can't sleep all day to recover. Hence the above statement. In other news, I am in a 90s R&B mood, so I downloaded The Tony Rich Project - Words. The diet bit is coming slowly. I wish I had the energy to exercise. I have this weird thing - I imagine it's related to perfection - if I can't work out super hard, I feel like it's not doing me any good. Most of the time I don't have the energy for that. Nevermind the fact that I am so out of shape that I pant a break a sweat walking quickly to and from my car. Not. Even. Joking. I have also developed this strange phobia as of late - I am terrified that I am going to start working out and have a heart attack. Or that my heart will explode. Or something. I don't know where it came from. I think I drank too much caffeine a while ago and when I was trying to get to sleep I could feel my heart racing and then I thought it skipped a beat and it freaked me out. My brain knows that I would be 100% better off if I would just get up and move my ass. Walking would be immensely beneficial at this point, but the only time I have the energy is when I'm caffeinated and we just went over why I think that's a bad idea.
The dog is doing better. I found out that he doesn't have heart failure. He's got some kind of protein absorption problem and that's what was making him sick. So, I've been making him homemade dog food and feeding him high pro kibble to boot. He looks like the guy in Thinner, but he's acting like he feels better, so that's good. I've not been very consistent about his meds, but I got tired of cleaning up pee and poo every morning real quick like. He's eating well, and he's dropped the water weight so I'm not too concerned. I really need to get him on more of a schedule. We all need one of those around here.
Jake is down to less than 30 day in Afghanistan. I am excited that he's coming home, but I'm also kind of nervous. Things are really different since he's been gone a year. I hope the transition is smooth. It irritates me that he's got a laundry list of things that he wants to do (rugby, judo, underwater basket weaving . . . ) meanwhile, all my interests (meditation, karaoke, pottery) have been put on hold all this time. We're going to have to find a way to strike a balance. He's also going to have to find a way to make time for family stuff. I cannot express to you how much I hate the Army. They make a big show of paying lip service to families, but I'm here to tell you, that's all it is. He said today that he was over "playing army" for a while. Glad to know he finally sees it for what it is.
P.S. This album makes me think of Issiah. Saudades.