Waiting for Sunset - Chapter 2 {Peter and Ian}
Title: Waiting for Sunset
Characters: Peter Calighan and Ian Wells
Chapter: 2/?
Rating: T
Warnings: Contains religious aspects!
Summary: Peter is a 14 year old Catholic boy. He has been raised to be the best that he can by two parents who want to see their son grow into a good, Catholic man, marry a good Catholic woman and create good, Catholic babies. Ian is a free spirited young man with the ability to talk to nearly everyone and make even the most laid back people feel awkward. When the two boys meet randomly at a party, Peter's perfect, Catholic world is thrown into disarray as he begins to struggle with the feelings he may have for Ian...and the feelings that Ian definitely has for him.
Author's Note: Ok, here's chapter two! I hope that you like it.
“Hello?” A few nights after David’s party, Peter answered his phone, not recognizing the number that flashed up on the screen.
“Hey, is this Peter?” a voice questioned.
“Yeah, who’s this?” Peter sat down on the edge of his bed, pajamas sitting beside him.
“It’s Ian, you know, from David’s party.”
“Oh yeah, right.” Peter nodded to himself. “Um, how are you?”
“I see you’re just as awkward over the phone as you are in person,” Ian mused.
“Um…” Peter sighed. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“At any rate, I’m pretty good.” Ian shrugged, laying back on his own bed. “I wasn’t sure if it was too late or not, I mean school starts for me tomorrow, I wasn’t sure if you had started yet.”
“I start tomorrow too,” Peter confirmed.
“Are you nervous? I mean its high school…I’m a little bit intimidated.”
“I don’t know, I mean I’m a little bit nervous I guess, but a lot of the boys that I go to church with are going to be in my class, so I don’t think that it will be all that bad. At least I’ll know a good amount of people before I start.”
“True. You also have the small, private school thing on your side. I’m going to a sketchy public school with like, 1800 kids, half of whom are probably druggies and shit.”
“I think you’re exaggerating a little bit.” Peter let out a small snort of laughter, though he wasn’t sure if Ian was being serious or not.
“Probably,” Ian agreed. “Still though, it’s huge.”
“You’re going to Grant, right? With David?”
“Yup.” Ian nodded. “Big scary school, but I’ll have a couple of my middle school friends by my side!”
“A definitely plus.” Peter sighed, putting the phone to his ear as he traded his jeans for his basketball shorts.
“So, what’s your favorite movie?” Ian asked.
“That was a rapid change in subject,” Peter noted, pulling his shirt off, replacing it with a shirt a few sizes too large that his father had brought back for him from a business trip to Canada, insisting that he would grow into it.
“I was bored of the old one.” Ian shrugged. “Question still stands.”
“I’m not sure…maybe The Butterfly Effect? My mom hates it, she says that chaos theory is bull, that God determines everything, but I don’t know, there’s something alluring about it, and I think the acting isn’t bad.”
“Oh, that’s a good one.” Ian smiled into the phone. “I’m not usually a fan of Ashton Kutcher…or Amy Smart, for that matter, but I think that he really hit home on that one. They also did a really good job of finding teenagers that matched the younger kids, though I’m not sure how well they did on Evan for the whole teenager to adult thing - they did fine on Kayleigh though.”
“Yeah, they did.” Peter agreed.
“Did you see the director’s ending?” Ian asked.
“Sadly, no. My mother decided that the movie was an abomination or something like that, she returned it before I got the chance. I’m going to ask Sasha to rent it for me, though, because I want to see it.”
“So you do have a little bit of rebel in you then,” Ian stated.
“I guess so.”
“Who’s Sasha?”
“My older sister.”
“Oh, the less than angelic one?” Ian laughed. “Well if she’s less than angelic, I’m sure that she won’t mind renting sinful movies for her younger brother. At least it’s not porn, right?”
“Um…right.” Peter felt his ears grow hot at the mention of porn - any kind of sexual conversation made him slightly uncomfortable, especially with people that he hardly knew.
“So, what classes do you have?” Ian asked, changing the subject as he sensed Peter’s discomfort with his previous statement.
“I’m taking Freshman English, Geometry, Biology, Health, Introduction to Religious Studies, French and P.E.” Peter sighed. “I hate P.E. I don’t like changing in front of people.”
“It’s not that bad, I mean everyone in there’s a boy, just like you.”
“I’m scrawny…it’s not fun.”
“I’m sure you’re fine.” Ian shrugged. “And don’t worry, a lot of people are self conscious about gym class, I’ll bet there are a million little corners in the locker room where you can hide while you change.”
“Yeah…I’m sure.” Peter gulped slightly, thinking that perhaps this wasn’t the best conversation topic to have brought up. “Anyways, what are you taking?”
“Biology, Spanish, P.E., Ceramics, English, World History and Algebra - you know, all of the fun stuff.”
“Gosh, sometimes I wish that I could just fast forward through the next four years, you know?” Peter bit his lip. “Just skip high school and get to someplace where I have enough room to figure out what I want; who I am.”
“I understand wanting somewhere that you can be free from parents, but Portland is an amazing city, Peter, you should take advantage of that while you’re here.” Ian let out a small chuckle. “I mean I would know - when I was 11 we moved here from Ohio, and let me tell you, that whole state is podunksville compared to this place.”
“I guess.” Peter shrugged. “But my family really just goes to the same places again and again.”
“Oh…do you lead one of those scheduled out, sheltered, routine lives?”
“Pretty much.”
“Oh, that’s hard luck, I’m sorry.”
“It’s really not all that bad,” Peter countered.
“But it’s not that great either, right?” Ian pressed.
“Well…yeah,” Peter admitted.
“Peter!” Peter’s mother knocked on his door. “Get off of the phone! You have to get up early tomorrow and you don’t want to be exhausted on your first day of high school!”
“Ok, just a second, mom!” Peter called back.
“Now, Peter.”
“Shoot, I gotta go.” Peter hung up without waiting for a response, not wishing to anger his mother. “Ok, I’m off!”
“Are you nervous for tomorrow?” His mother asked, entering the room with a neatly folded stack of clothes in her arms.
“Not really.” Peter shrugged.
“Well everything is all set, so I suppose there really is no reason to worry, and I’ve just ironed your uniform, so if you get a sufficient amount of sleep, you should be looking sharp tomorrow.”
“Ok, mom.” Peter let out a slightly exasperated sigh.
“Did you say your prayers?” She asked, the expression on her face turning serious.
“Yes.” Peter nodded. “I always do, mom - right after I take a shower and brush my teeth.”
“You’re getting to be so grown up.” She walked closer to Peter’s bed. “Your father and I got you something to celebrate your starting high school. We’re so proud of you, Peter.” Peter’s mother held out a small box, which Peter accepted hesitantly.
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he stated, eyeing the box cautiously.
“I know, but you’ve been doing so well in school, and your Bible study leader, what’s her name again?”
“Laura,” Peter offered.
“Of course, Laura says that you’re showing a lot of potential; you never seem to get into trouble, your father and I thought that you deserved a bit of a reward.” She beamed down at her son. “Go on, open it.”
“Alright.” Peter slowly lifted the lid of the box, staring down at the silver crucifix, complete with a very intricately crafted image of Jesus. It was simple, casual enough to wear on a daily basis, but it was well made, probably expensive. “Wow, thanks mom.” Peter smiled up at his mother. He knew that she would expect him to wear the necklace everyday; he also knew that he would do so.
“You’re welcome, baby.” She bent down and kissed Peter’s forehead. “Sleep well, Petey.” She turned off his light and left the room. Peter let out a deep sigh, setting the jewelry box on his bedside table and picking up his phone to set an alarm. Just before he set the phone down again, however, it began to buzz. He frowned in confusion as he looked down at it. The screen displayed a notice saying that he had one new text message. From Ian. He opened it, reading the three words carefully.
Goodnight, Saint Peter.
Peter smiled to himself, replied with a quick ‘goodnight’ and relaxed into bed, quickly falling asleep.
***
The next time that Peter and Ian spoke was a few days later. Peter’s phone buzzed in his pocket as he walked home on Thursday night after his Bible study class. He flipped it open and read the text from Ian.
You busy?
Peter said no, and a second later, his phone began to ring, Ian’s name flashing up on the screen.
“Hello?” Peter answered.
“So was P.E. as mortifying as you expected?” Peter could practically hear Ian smiling as he asked the question.
“No, not really,” Peter confessed. “I mean you were right, I’m not the only kid in my class who’s shy about it.”
“You see? You were all worried for nothing!”
“I guess so,” Peter shrugged. “What about you? How’s school going so far?”
“Not bad, not bad at all. David and I have a few classes together, which is lucky, because as I think I said before, this school is massive. I haven’t been stuffed into any lockers or trash cans yet, nor has anyone attempted to shove my head in the toilet, so I would say that high school, so far, is a major success! I’m making it my personal goal to stay out of all lockers, trash cans and toilet bowls this year.”
Peter couldn’t help but laugh at Ian’s words, enjoying the way that the other boy joked around.
“That sounds like a good goal.” Peter smiled. “Do things like that really happen, though? I mean I’ve never gone to a public school, so all that I’ve seen of that is in the movies, and I know that movies do tend to exaggerate on occasion.”
“Well I have yet to witness it…or hear a first hand account, but I have heard unsettling rumors. Then again, there was also a rumor going around that my English teacher was a vampire and if you didn’t pass her class, she’d suck your blood and turn you, so it is very possible that Freshman abuse is all bark and no bite.”
“Well for your sake, I hope that’s the case.”
“Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment.”
“No problem.” Peter shrugged as he walked. “Just a heads up, when I get back to my house I’m going to have to hang up, my mom will have dinner on the table.”
“Wait, where are you?” Ian asked.
“I’m walking home from Bible study.”
“You have Bible study on Thursdays?” Ian sounded genuinely surprised by this information.
“Yep,” Peter confirmed. “I have Youth Group on Tuesdays and the first Saturday of every month, Bible study on Thursdays and then mass and Sunday School on Sundays.”
“You still go to Sunday school?” Ian asked.
“Well sort of, I mean Sasha and I help out with the little kids for community service hours.”
“Wow…so you’re really into religion then.” Ian let out a low whistle. “Are you going to become a priest or something?”
“I hope not.” Peter shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good job and everything, but it’s just not for me.”
“I see.” Ian nodded. “Is that kind of stuff fun? I mean Bible study and such?”
“It can be.” Peter adjusted the strap on his messenger bag. “You know, you could come to Youth Group sometime if you wanted, they let us bring friends every now and then.”
“I’m not sure that’s such a great idea. I’d probably end up getting nervous and accidentally making some horrible, sacrilegious joke and making everyone really angry and upset.”
“It’s probably best that you stay away then.” Peter laughed, though he was slightly disappointed by Ian’s response.
“Yeah, probably. No offense or anything, but I’m not really cut out for religious stuff.”
“That’s fine - loads of people aren’t into it. I am one hundred percent un-offended.” Peter smiled.
“That’s good to know.” Ian let out a small snort of laughter.
“Yeah…so anyways, I’m at my house now, I’ve got to go, but it was nice talking to you.”
“Likewise,” Ian replied. “I guess I’ll catch you later.”
“I guess so.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.” Peter hung up his phone, sliding it back into his pocket as he entered the house. That night, Peter excused himself from the table early, claiming that he had a lot of homework. He went up to his room and pulled out his laptop, cautiously opening up a search engine and typing in ‘Questioning Sexuality.’ The search yielded many results and Peter nervously selected the first link.
THINGS YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF IF YOU THINK THAT YOU MIGHT BE GAY
1. Am I attracted to Women?
2. Am I attracted to Men?
3. Do I have fantasies and/or special dreams about men?
4. Do I find myself aroused in the men’s locker room?
5. Do I enjoy the music of THE VILLAGE PEOPLE?
“No, no way,” Peter muttered as he continued to scroll down the list.
6. Do I find myself wanting to purchase pink shirts or sequined clothing?
7. Do I tuck my shirts in, even when I don’t have to?
“Absolutely not.” Peter shook his head.
8. Do I find myself inexplicably drawn to Barbara Streisand films?
“What the-”
“Hey, Pete.” Sasha opened the door to her brother’s room. Peter jumped, quickly clicking out of the website and closing his computer. “Whoa…I didn’t mean to scare you. Mom wanted me to tell you that Jimmy Miller’s got some mutant death virus and Father Lawrence called to ask if you would mind altar serving in his place on Sunday.”
“Yes, I mean no…I mean tell mom that I’ll do it.” Peter felt his ears and cheeks grow hot as he struggled to get out his answer.
“Wow, Pete.” Sasha raised her left eyebrow quizzically. “If I didn’t know any better, I would think that you were looking at something that you shouldn’t have been.”
“N-no, of course not.” Peter shook his head. “You just startled me is all.”
“Yeah I had noticed that.” Sasha laughed. “Well you get back to your homework, I’ll go tell mom that you’re willing to fill in for Jimmy.” Sasha left, closing the door behind her, and Peter let out a deep breath. For a moment, he contemplated going back to the website and finishing the list, but after a few seconds, he shook his head, reaching instead for his English homework.
“No,” he assured himself. “There’s just absolutely no way. I’m not gay.”
***
The issue didn’t arise again until more than a week later. The two boys had been texting and talking on the phone every few days for the past couple of weeks by the time that Ian decided to take a bold step forwards.
“Hey, Peter,” Ian began. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“You can ask it.” Peter agreed to the request. “But if I don’t want to, I may not answer it.”
“That’s fair.” Ian nodded.
“Ok, so I guess, um, shoot?” Peter braced himself for a thousand awkward questions, waiting with baited breath as Ian took a long pause.
“Um…” Ian resituated himself on his bed, biting at the inside of his cheek. “Are you gay?”
“I-” Peter gulped. The words ‘I don’t know’ were on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped himself. He toyed with the crucifix around his neck, looking down at it, suddenly thinking about the impact that his words could have. Peter knew that even questioning his sexual orientation would break his mother’s heart and disgrace both his family and his church. “No, I’m not.” Peter shook his head. “Ian, I’m Catholic. I was born Catholic, I was raised Catholic and I was confirmed Catholic. In my world, gay is just…just wrong.” Peter let out a soft sigh as he spoke the words, nervously awaiting Ian’s impending response.
“Oh god.” Ian squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “I thought you - shit. I thought that you might be…I have to go.” The phone clicked as Ian hung up.
“Ian?” Peter asked, though he was sure that the other boy was gone. “Crap.”
After that, Ian stopped calling. Peter dialed Ian’s number a couple of times, but he never called it; he didn’t know what to say. A couple of months passed by and the incident, as well as the short lived friendship, began to disappear from the minds of both boys.
Characters: Peter Calighan and Ian Wells
Chapter: 2/?
Rating: T
Warnings: Contains religious aspects!
Summary: Peter is a 14 year old Catholic boy. He has been raised to be the best that he can by two parents who want to see their son grow into a good, Catholic man, marry a good Catholic woman and create good, Catholic babies. Ian is a free spirited young man with the ability to talk to nearly everyone and make even the most laid back people feel awkward. When the two boys meet randomly at a party, Peter's perfect, Catholic world is thrown into disarray as he begins to struggle with the feelings he may have for Ian...and the feelings that Ian definitely has for him.
Author's Note: Ok, here's chapter two! I hope that you like it.
“Hello?” A few nights after David’s party, Peter answered his phone, not recognizing the number that flashed up on the screen.
“Hey, is this Peter?” a voice questioned.
“Yeah, who’s this?” Peter sat down on the edge of his bed, pajamas sitting beside him.
“It’s Ian, you know, from David’s party.”
“Oh yeah, right.” Peter nodded to himself. “Um, how are you?”
“I see you’re just as awkward over the phone as you are in person,” Ian mused.
“Um…” Peter sighed. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“At any rate, I’m pretty good.” Ian shrugged, laying back on his own bed. “I wasn’t sure if it was too late or not, I mean school starts for me tomorrow, I wasn’t sure if you had started yet.”
“I start tomorrow too,” Peter confirmed.
“Are you nervous? I mean its high school…I’m a little bit intimidated.”
“I don’t know, I mean I’m a little bit nervous I guess, but a lot of the boys that I go to church with are going to be in my class, so I don’t think that it will be all that bad. At least I’ll know a good amount of people before I start.”
“True. You also have the small, private school thing on your side. I’m going to a sketchy public school with like, 1800 kids, half of whom are probably druggies and shit.”
“I think you’re exaggerating a little bit.” Peter let out a small snort of laughter, though he wasn’t sure if Ian was being serious or not.
“Probably,” Ian agreed. “Still though, it’s huge.”
“You’re going to Grant, right? With David?”
“Yup.” Ian nodded. “Big scary school, but I’ll have a couple of my middle school friends by my side!”
“A definitely plus.” Peter sighed, putting the phone to his ear as he traded his jeans for his basketball shorts.
“So, what’s your favorite movie?” Ian asked.
“That was a rapid change in subject,” Peter noted, pulling his shirt off, replacing it with a shirt a few sizes too large that his father had brought back for him from a business trip to Canada, insisting that he would grow into it.
“I was bored of the old one.” Ian shrugged. “Question still stands.”
“I’m not sure…maybe The Butterfly Effect? My mom hates it, she says that chaos theory is bull, that God determines everything, but I don’t know, there’s something alluring about it, and I think the acting isn’t bad.”
“Oh, that’s a good one.” Ian smiled into the phone. “I’m not usually a fan of Ashton Kutcher…or Amy Smart, for that matter, but I think that he really hit home on that one. They also did a really good job of finding teenagers that matched the younger kids, though I’m not sure how well they did on Evan for the whole teenager to adult thing - they did fine on Kayleigh though.”
“Yeah, they did.” Peter agreed.
“Did you see the director’s ending?” Ian asked.
“Sadly, no. My mother decided that the movie was an abomination or something like that, she returned it before I got the chance. I’m going to ask Sasha to rent it for me, though, because I want to see it.”
“So you do have a little bit of rebel in you then,” Ian stated.
“I guess so.”
“Who’s Sasha?”
“My older sister.”
“Oh, the less than angelic one?” Ian laughed. “Well if she’s less than angelic, I’m sure that she won’t mind renting sinful movies for her younger brother. At least it’s not porn, right?”
“Um…right.” Peter felt his ears grow hot at the mention of porn - any kind of sexual conversation made him slightly uncomfortable, especially with people that he hardly knew.
“So, what classes do you have?” Ian asked, changing the subject as he sensed Peter’s discomfort with his previous statement.
“I’m taking Freshman English, Geometry, Biology, Health, Introduction to Religious Studies, French and P.E.” Peter sighed. “I hate P.E. I don’t like changing in front of people.”
“It’s not that bad, I mean everyone in there’s a boy, just like you.”
“I’m scrawny…it’s not fun.”
“I’m sure you’re fine.” Ian shrugged. “And don’t worry, a lot of people are self conscious about gym class, I’ll bet there are a million little corners in the locker room where you can hide while you change.”
“Yeah…I’m sure.” Peter gulped slightly, thinking that perhaps this wasn’t the best conversation topic to have brought up. “Anyways, what are you taking?”
“Biology, Spanish, P.E., Ceramics, English, World History and Algebra - you know, all of the fun stuff.”
“Gosh, sometimes I wish that I could just fast forward through the next four years, you know?” Peter bit his lip. “Just skip high school and get to someplace where I have enough room to figure out what I want; who I am.”
“I understand wanting somewhere that you can be free from parents, but Portland is an amazing city, Peter, you should take advantage of that while you’re here.” Ian let out a small chuckle. “I mean I would know - when I was 11 we moved here from Ohio, and let me tell you, that whole state is podunksville compared to this place.”
“I guess.” Peter shrugged. “But my family really just goes to the same places again and again.”
“Oh…do you lead one of those scheduled out, sheltered, routine lives?”
“Pretty much.”
“Oh, that’s hard luck, I’m sorry.”
“It’s really not all that bad,” Peter countered.
“But it’s not that great either, right?” Ian pressed.
“Well…yeah,” Peter admitted.
“Peter!” Peter’s mother knocked on his door. “Get off of the phone! You have to get up early tomorrow and you don’t want to be exhausted on your first day of high school!”
“Ok, just a second, mom!” Peter called back.
“Now, Peter.”
“Shoot, I gotta go.” Peter hung up without waiting for a response, not wishing to anger his mother. “Ok, I’m off!”
“Are you nervous for tomorrow?” His mother asked, entering the room with a neatly folded stack of clothes in her arms.
“Not really.” Peter shrugged.
“Well everything is all set, so I suppose there really is no reason to worry, and I’ve just ironed your uniform, so if you get a sufficient amount of sleep, you should be looking sharp tomorrow.”
“Ok, mom.” Peter let out a slightly exasperated sigh.
“Did you say your prayers?” She asked, the expression on her face turning serious.
“Yes.” Peter nodded. “I always do, mom - right after I take a shower and brush my teeth.”
“You’re getting to be so grown up.” She walked closer to Peter’s bed. “Your father and I got you something to celebrate your starting high school. We’re so proud of you, Peter.” Peter’s mother held out a small box, which Peter accepted hesitantly.
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he stated, eyeing the box cautiously.
“I know, but you’ve been doing so well in school, and your Bible study leader, what’s her name again?”
“Laura,” Peter offered.
“Of course, Laura says that you’re showing a lot of potential; you never seem to get into trouble, your father and I thought that you deserved a bit of a reward.” She beamed down at her son. “Go on, open it.”
“Alright.” Peter slowly lifted the lid of the box, staring down at the silver crucifix, complete with a very intricately crafted image of Jesus. It was simple, casual enough to wear on a daily basis, but it was well made, probably expensive. “Wow, thanks mom.” Peter smiled up at his mother. He knew that she would expect him to wear the necklace everyday; he also knew that he would do so.
“You’re welcome, baby.” She bent down and kissed Peter’s forehead. “Sleep well, Petey.” She turned off his light and left the room. Peter let out a deep sigh, setting the jewelry box on his bedside table and picking up his phone to set an alarm. Just before he set the phone down again, however, it began to buzz. He frowned in confusion as he looked down at it. The screen displayed a notice saying that he had one new text message. From Ian. He opened it, reading the three words carefully.
Goodnight, Saint Peter.
Peter smiled to himself, replied with a quick ‘goodnight’ and relaxed into bed, quickly falling asleep.
***
The next time that Peter and Ian spoke was a few days later. Peter’s phone buzzed in his pocket as he walked home on Thursday night after his Bible study class. He flipped it open and read the text from Ian.
You busy?
Peter said no, and a second later, his phone began to ring, Ian’s name flashing up on the screen.
“Hello?” Peter answered.
“So was P.E. as mortifying as you expected?” Peter could practically hear Ian smiling as he asked the question.
“No, not really,” Peter confessed. “I mean you were right, I’m not the only kid in my class who’s shy about it.”
“You see? You were all worried for nothing!”
“I guess so,” Peter shrugged. “What about you? How’s school going so far?”
“Not bad, not bad at all. David and I have a few classes together, which is lucky, because as I think I said before, this school is massive. I haven’t been stuffed into any lockers or trash cans yet, nor has anyone attempted to shove my head in the toilet, so I would say that high school, so far, is a major success! I’m making it my personal goal to stay out of all lockers, trash cans and toilet bowls this year.”
Peter couldn’t help but laugh at Ian’s words, enjoying the way that the other boy joked around.
“That sounds like a good goal.” Peter smiled. “Do things like that really happen, though? I mean I’ve never gone to a public school, so all that I’ve seen of that is in the movies, and I know that movies do tend to exaggerate on occasion.”
“Well I have yet to witness it…or hear a first hand account, but I have heard unsettling rumors. Then again, there was also a rumor going around that my English teacher was a vampire and if you didn’t pass her class, she’d suck your blood and turn you, so it is very possible that Freshman abuse is all bark and no bite.”
“Well for your sake, I hope that’s the case.”
“Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment.”
“No problem.” Peter shrugged as he walked. “Just a heads up, when I get back to my house I’m going to have to hang up, my mom will have dinner on the table.”
“Wait, where are you?” Ian asked.
“I’m walking home from Bible study.”
“You have Bible study on Thursdays?” Ian sounded genuinely surprised by this information.
“Yep,” Peter confirmed. “I have Youth Group on Tuesdays and the first Saturday of every month, Bible study on Thursdays and then mass and Sunday School on Sundays.”
“You still go to Sunday school?” Ian asked.
“Well sort of, I mean Sasha and I help out with the little kids for community service hours.”
“Wow…so you’re really into religion then.” Ian let out a low whistle. “Are you going to become a priest or something?”
“I hope not.” Peter shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good job and everything, but it’s just not for me.”
“I see.” Ian nodded. “Is that kind of stuff fun? I mean Bible study and such?”
“It can be.” Peter adjusted the strap on his messenger bag. “You know, you could come to Youth Group sometime if you wanted, they let us bring friends every now and then.”
“I’m not sure that’s such a great idea. I’d probably end up getting nervous and accidentally making some horrible, sacrilegious joke and making everyone really angry and upset.”
“It’s probably best that you stay away then.” Peter laughed, though he was slightly disappointed by Ian’s response.
“Yeah, probably. No offense or anything, but I’m not really cut out for religious stuff.”
“That’s fine - loads of people aren’t into it. I am one hundred percent un-offended.” Peter smiled.
“That’s good to know.” Ian let out a small snort of laughter.
“Yeah…so anyways, I’m at my house now, I’ve got to go, but it was nice talking to you.”
“Likewise,” Ian replied. “I guess I’ll catch you later.”
“I guess so.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.” Peter hung up his phone, sliding it back into his pocket as he entered the house. That night, Peter excused himself from the table early, claiming that he had a lot of homework. He went up to his room and pulled out his laptop, cautiously opening up a search engine and typing in ‘Questioning Sexuality.’ The search yielded many results and Peter nervously selected the first link.
THINGS YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF IF YOU THINK THAT YOU MIGHT BE GAY
1. Am I attracted to Women?
2. Am I attracted to Men?
3. Do I have fantasies and/or special dreams about men?
4. Do I find myself aroused in the men’s locker room?
5. Do I enjoy the music of THE VILLAGE PEOPLE?
“No, no way,” Peter muttered as he continued to scroll down the list.
6. Do I find myself wanting to purchase pink shirts or sequined clothing?
7. Do I tuck my shirts in, even when I don’t have to?
“Absolutely not.” Peter shook his head.
8. Do I find myself inexplicably drawn to Barbara Streisand films?
“What the-”
“Hey, Pete.” Sasha opened the door to her brother’s room. Peter jumped, quickly clicking out of the website and closing his computer. “Whoa…I didn’t mean to scare you. Mom wanted me to tell you that Jimmy Miller’s got some mutant death virus and Father Lawrence called to ask if you would mind altar serving in his place on Sunday.”
“Yes, I mean no…I mean tell mom that I’ll do it.” Peter felt his ears and cheeks grow hot as he struggled to get out his answer.
“Wow, Pete.” Sasha raised her left eyebrow quizzically. “If I didn’t know any better, I would think that you were looking at something that you shouldn’t have been.”
“N-no, of course not.” Peter shook his head. “You just startled me is all.”
“Yeah I had noticed that.” Sasha laughed. “Well you get back to your homework, I’ll go tell mom that you’re willing to fill in for Jimmy.” Sasha left, closing the door behind her, and Peter let out a deep breath. For a moment, he contemplated going back to the website and finishing the list, but after a few seconds, he shook his head, reaching instead for his English homework.
“No,” he assured himself. “There’s just absolutely no way. I’m not gay.”
***
The issue didn’t arise again until more than a week later. The two boys had been texting and talking on the phone every few days for the past couple of weeks by the time that Ian decided to take a bold step forwards.
“Hey, Peter,” Ian began. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“You can ask it.” Peter agreed to the request. “But if I don’t want to, I may not answer it.”
“That’s fair.” Ian nodded.
“Ok, so I guess, um, shoot?” Peter braced himself for a thousand awkward questions, waiting with baited breath as Ian took a long pause.
“Um…” Ian resituated himself on his bed, biting at the inside of his cheek. “Are you gay?”
“I-” Peter gulped. The words ‘I don’t know’ were on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped himself. He toyed with the crucifix around his neck, looking down at it, suddenly thinking about the impact that his words could have. Peter knew that even questioning his sexual orientation would break his mother’s heart and disgrace both his family and his church. “No, I’m not.” Peter shook his head. “Ian, I’m Catholic. I was born Catholic, I was raised Catholic and I was confirmed Catholic. In my world, gay is just…just wrong.” Peter let out a soft sigh as he spoke the words, nervously awaiting Ian’s impending response.
“Oh god.” Ian squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “I thought you - shit. I thought that you might be…I have to go.” The phone clicked as Ian hung up.
“Ian?” Peter asked, though he was sure that the other boy was gone. “Crap.”
After that, Ian stopped calling. Peter dialed Ian’s number a couple of times, but he never called it; he didn’t know what to say. A couple of months passed by and the incident, as well as the short lived friendship, began to disappear from the minds of both boys.