Low Voices and Lower Spirits - Standalone/Song Fic {Cobra Starship, The Academy Is}
Honey, why are you calling me so late?
It’s kinda hard to talk right now.
“Hey.” Gabe picked up his cell phone, answering it swiftly.
“Who is it?” His girlfriend, Veronica, looked up at him from the bed.
“It’s just Bill, I’ll only be a minute.” Veronica nodded and Gabe ducked out of the bedroom, heading for the study next door. “William, what’s up? I’m a little busy.”
“Gabe, I-”
“William, it’s almost tomorrow here.” Gabe sighed and sat down on the couch in the study. It hurt, talking on the phone to William like this.
“I just…” William sniffled and Gabe was suddenly aloof.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything ok?
I gotta whisper ‘cause I can’t be too loud.
“William, what’s wrong? You sound like you’re crying.” The tenderness in Gabe’s voice just made William’s tears drip faster as he slid down the wall in the kitchen, salty water staining his cheeks.
“I just I can’t take this sometimes.” Gabe heard another large sniffle follow William’s words and he sighed. “It’s so hard!”
“Did Luke hit you?” Gabe’s voice filled with worried.
“No, it’s not that, god Gabe, he didn’t hit me, besides, I’m not a boy anymore, Gabe, I’m 23. I can handle it if he ever does hit me.” Gabe wasn’t convinced by what William was saying, but the young man was already crying, he didn’t need to be angry as well.
“Alright, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate.” Gabe’s voice dropped to a low whisper.
“I can barely hear you, Gabe. Talk louder?”
“You know I can’t.” Gabe rolled his eyes even though William couldn’t see. “William, why did you call?”
“I dunno.”
Well, my girl’s in the next room,
Sometimes I wish she was you;
I guess we never really moved on.
“Does this have to do with us?” Gabe was hesitant to ask the question.
“You know that it does Gabe.” William choked slightly on a few more tears and a silence followed.
“Look, I can’t talk about this right now William, Veronica’s in the bedroom and I’m in the study.” Gabe sighed. He didn’t tell William that he wished that Veronica was somewhere else and that William was with him on the couch, not on the phone, crying.
“Just a few minutes, please? I miss you; I know I promised that I wouldn’t but-”
“It’s ok William, I miss you too sometimes.”
“Y-you do?” William sniffled again and Gabe wanted nothing more than to be able to dry his tears.
“Yeah. ” Gabe let out a long, deep sigh.
It’s really good to hear your voice,
Saying my name it sounds so sweet
“How’s Veronica?” William knew that if he didn’t change the subject he was going to end up saying something that he would soon regret.
“She’s good,” Gabe shrugged. “She, uh, she got another shoot in Milan for next month.”
“That’s great, that’s great.” William’s voice was shaky and Gabe was unconvinced that William thought well of his situation with Veronica.
“How’s Luke?”
“He’s you know, Luke; macho in every way. Sometimes I think he’s too much for me, Gabe.” Gabe could have sworn that he sensed longing in William’s voice, the same longing that he felt every time William said his name.
Coming from the lips of an angel,
Hearing those words, it makes me weak.
“I…” Gabe trailed off. He had to keep himself from telling William everything that was left of his feelings, everything that he felt.
“What?”
“Nothing, forget it.”
“No, Gabe, tell me.” William’s words sent a shiver up Gabe’s spine. He remembered when they first got together Gabe had been trying to tell William how he felt and he couldn’t do it, but William encouraged him with that same phrase and Gabe had cracked instantly under the pressure of William’s voice.
“Drop it, it’s not important.” Gabe shook his head, not caring that William was on the other end of the phone, not the room, and couldn’t see him.
“Are you sure?”
“I’M SURE!” Gabe snapped.
“You don’t have to yell.” William’s tears returned and Gabe sighed.
“William, I’m sorry.”
And I never wanna say goodbye,
But damn, you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel.
“It’s alright.” William shook his head, letting his curls bounce. “I was prying, I’m sorry.”
“Look, I should, I should…” Gabe couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He knew that he should hang up on William and go back to Veronica, forget about the younger man whom he’d held him in his arms not four months ago, but it was hard.
“You should what?” William gulped. He knew what Gabe was trying to say, but he didn’t want to hang up the phone, he didn’t want to go back to Luke, not just yet - maybe not ever.
“I should go.” Gabe said the words that neither of them wanted to deal with.
“Fine.” William spoke solemnly. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t in favor of Gabe hanging up, but he wasn’t going to stop Gabe. But Gabe didn’t hang up, he just stayed on the line, listening to the combination of William’s soft breath and his tears. “You didn’t hang up.”
“I know…”
It’s funny that you’re calling me tonight,
And yes, I dreamt of you too…
“Look, I called because…” William trailed off. This conversation wasn’t going the way he’d planned, then again what had he expected? That he would tell Gabe everything and expect him to come running back?
“It’s actually kind of interesting that you called; Veronica and I were talking about you earlier.”
“What were you saying?” William knew that he had spoken the words too quickly, seemed too eager, but it was too late to take them back; there wasn’t anything that he could do about it.
“Nothing, just that we should have you and uh, Luke over sometime for dinner if you’re ever in town, Veronica’s idea.”
“Oh.” William paused. “Look, earlier I was thinking about us and-”
“Me too William, don’t say it, I don’t think that I could stand to hear it right now.”
Does he know you’re talkin’ to me? Will it start a fight?
No, I don’t think she has a clue.
“Gabe, I told him.” The words poured from William’s mouth. He hadn’t intended to say them, but they had rushed out before had the chance to think through them.
“Told him what?”
“About us, about last year.” William sighed.
“Did you tell him that it was over?” Gabe didn’t want to be harsh with William, but his words were firm nonetheless.
“Yes.” Gabe could hear William wiping away tears in the back round. “I told him that it ended and that it wasn’t going to be an issue.”
“Does he know that it’s me you’re talking to William?”
“No.” William sighed. “He’s watching football, he thinks I’m making a snack. What about Veronica? Does she - does she suspect?”
“No.” Gabe shook his head. “She’s blind to that sort of thing and I’m a good actor.”
“Please, then, act like you don’t love me Gabe, it would just be easier to deal with all of this if I really thought that the feelings weren’t reciprocated.” William’s tears became louder again and Gabe felt like crying too.
“I can’t do that William, you know that.”
My girl’s in the next room,
Sometimes I wish she was you;
I guess we never really moved on.
“So - so you still feel the same way that I do?” William was hesitant to ask.
“I think so.” Gabe sighed. “I mean its different now, with Veronica and all. I mean she’s right here, with me in New York and you, well you’re back in LA.”
“I know. I understand what you’re saying, I mean I’ve got Luke but - but he’s not you Gabe, he doesn’t hold me the same, he doesn’t kiss like you do.”
“Veronica’s not like you either, I think that’s why I’m with her to be honest, because I’m…because she’s - she’s different.” Gabe let out a deep sigh.
“It’s the same way with me.” William let a small whimper escape his throat. “We’re not over this Gabe. I thought we were, but we’re not.”
“I know, and it’s killing me.”
“How do we fix it?”
“We don’t.”
It’s really good to hear your voice,
Sayin’ my name, it sounds so sweet
“I want to be happy again.” William sighed.
“I want you to be happy too, but you’re gonna have to find that happiness with someone else, I’m with Veronica now, and god, I don’t care what your words do to me, I’m not leaving her for you.”
“I’m not asking you too Gabe, I just want you to move on completely, I want you to stop loving me!” William raised his voice for a second before bringing it back down, remembering that Luke was only a flight of stairs away. “I just don’t think that I can get over you until you’re over me.”
“I’ll work on it.” Gabe gulped, trying to fight tears. William sounded so forlorn. “I mean, I guess.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Gabe, what happened to us?”
Coming from the lips of an angel,
Hearing those words, it makes me weak.
“I-I don’t know.” Gabe lay down on the couch, no longer able to sit up. He was scared, scared that he wasn’t going to be able to suppress his feelings if this conversation kept up.
“Well it must have been something.”
“The distance I guess; I shouldn’t have taken the job.”
“Don’t blame yourself, it was an amazing offer, besides, you belong on the stage.”
“And you don’t?”
“I do, just not the same kind of stage. I don’t have the theatrics that you do - god, why are we even talking about this?” William sighed.
“Because you asked what happened to us." Gabe shrugged. “I think you already knew though, didn’t you.”
“Yeah…” William trailed off.
And I never wanna say goodbye,
But damn, you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel.
“It wasn’t the distance.”
“No.” William shook his head, curls flopping slightly. “We could have survived the distance.”
“I know.” Gabe sighed. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you William, I really am. I know that it’s too late to be apologizing for that, but…but I am.”
“You had work.”
“I could have gotten work off William.” Gabe sighed. “I didn’t come because…” Gabe trailed off. He couldn’t manage to finish half of the things that he had to say to William, it was just too hard. “Because I was afraid.”
“Because you were afraid? Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that I was going to lose you. I didn’t want to be there if I was just going to have to let you go, it would have been too hard.”
“Harder than letting me go the way that you did?”
“Yes.” Gabe’s voice was barely above a whisper. “It was easier to stop loving you then to watch you die and take my heart with you.”
“But you didn’t stop loving me…”
“And you didn’t die.”
It’s really good to hear your voice,
Sayin’ my name, it sounds so sweet
“I could have.” William sighed.
“It shouldn’t have been his bone marrow, William.” Gabe whispered. “It should have been mine.”
“You weren’t a match.” William stated the fact as though it were irrelevant, but Gabe’s breathing on the other line became heavier.
“William.” Gabe sighed. “William, I was; I was just so scared that I would lose you to the surgery, that you’d reject my bone marrow and that I would accidentally kill you that way and Luke was just as good of a match. William, I’m so sorry.” Gabe couldn’t stop his own tears anymore.
“I don’t understand.”
“It should be a part of me that’s inside you, me keeping you with us each day, but I was too scared. I’m sorry William, I really am.”
“Gabe…”
“Don’t say my name William, I can’t handle it, don’t say it.”
Coming from the lips of an angel,
Hearing those words it makes me weak.
“But-”
“No. Look, I’m sorry, but I really, really don’t know how much more of this I can take. The more you say the more I want to cave in, just break down.”
“Don’t Gabe, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do this to you.”
“You didn’t William, I did this to myself. All you did was love me and I got scared. I got scared that having your heart meant breaking my own - I thought that we could still be friends, but...” Gabe paused. “But this is too hard, every time you say something my heart breaks a little more and it’s all my fault.”
“I’m sorry!”
“Don’t apologize. That just makes it worse.”
“I’m-” William caught himself. “Alright.” There was another silence. Gabe kept his tears as quiet as he could, he didn’t want William to know that he was crying, that this was killing him.
“Look I-”
“I get it.”
And I never wanna say goodbye,
But damn, you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel.
“I think that I should go now,” Gabe stated. It was still the last thing that he wanted to do, but that’s what scared him the most. He was with someone else now, he couldn’t be doing this, he couldn’t be talking to William this way.
“I think that maybe you’re right.” William choked on the words.
“I don’t want to.”
“I don’t want you too either.”
“It’s just that Veronica loves me and you make it really, really hard for me to love her. Before you apologize, it’s not your fault, it’s mine; I shouldn’t let you get to me like this.”
“If it helps you get to me too.” William sighed. “I mean if you didn’t I wouldn’t be sitting on the kitchen floor in a mess of sobs wishing that you were in the other room instead of Luke.”
“Don’t say that William, if you feel the same way it just makes it even worse, it makes it seem like a real possibility.”
“It is a possibility!”
And I never wanna say goodbye,
But damn, you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel.
“Stop.” Gabe sighed, cutting William off. “That’s the kind of talk that’s gonna get me in trouble. Veronica is right next door and I need to be with her right now.”
“Look, I think it’s time for you to hang up.” William couldn’t take Gabe talking like that. If Gabe wasn’t going to come back to him then he wanted him to stop talking like he was.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Look, if you change your mind, my number hasn’t changed.”
“I know.” Gabe hung up and went back into the bedroom. “Hey baby.” He set his phone on the bedside table and slid onto the bed, pulling Veronica into a deep, passionate kiss.
-
“Where’s your snack?” Luke looked quizzically at William as he entered the room.
“I didn’t make one.” William looked sadly at the ground.
“Baby, why are you crying?” Luke shut the TV off and stood up, taking William’s hand and leaving him over to the bed.
“I’m just wondering if this is right.” William gestured at Luke and himself. “If you really love me.”
“I do Bill.” Luke pulled William into a deep, passionate kiss, easing him down on the bed. “Don’t doubt me, please;it hurts.” William just nodded and drew Luke back into the kiss. Soon William’s shirt lay on the floor beside his pants, Luke’s on the other side of the room. As they made love, William didn’t notice his phone vibrating on the dresser.
Honey, why’re you callin’ me so late?