Dear Nothing - Chapter 16 {All Time Low, Sing It Loud and Bring Me the Horizon}
Title: Dear Nothing
Author: havah24601
Rating: M
Characters: Jack Barakat (All Time Low), Pat Brown (Sing It Loud), Nate Flynn (Sing It Loud), Alex Gaskarth (All Time Low), Zack Merrick (All Time Low), Oli Sykes (Bring Me the Horizon), Tom Sykes
Pairings: Zack Merrick/Alex Gaskarth, Nate Flynn/Pat Brown (other pairings still undetermined)
Warnings: Abuse, violence, psychological torture, kidnap
POV: 1st Person, switches between all characters, as the story is written in journal entries.
Summary: A wealthy 16 year old boy goes missing only six months after a boy who had been presumed dead for over a year turned up unconscious outside of his school, unable to recall the majority of the past 17 months. Another boy tries to reclaim the love that he lost when the first boy disappeared while a fourth boy searches tirelessly to find the first. A young man finds himself growing up too fast, harming others in an attempt to protect the only person that he truly loves while a teenage boy works to keep both himself and the people around him sane as he balances the weight of the situation on his shoulders.
Disclaimer: Thank GOD this is fictional!
Author's Note: I'm sorry I'm late!
Dear Hope,
Everything is changing. I’m living with Pat now because the police, they discovered that everything I told them was true, that all of the situations I described were possible, that I wasn’t crazy. Pat has been amazing. Every time he looks at me, I know how much he loves me and every time I look at him, I feel like, maybe, just maybe, I’m falling in love with him again. He has all of these pictures around the house of the two of us - more than even my parents ever had of me. He’s crazy, and I know it, but when I ask him about it, he just pulls me into a hug and tells me that he’s crazy in love with me, and I believe him.
I’ve been with him for three days now, and I was nervous at first, but I already feel like this is home. I have my own bed, he made sure of that. I have my own room in his apartment and it’s small, but it’s mine. It’s not like the hospital, it’s not like before when I didn’t have privacy - if I needed some alone time, I had it, but only until they came in to check on me, or give my medication. Pat could only stay with me until hours were over. This time, though, now I can do what I want, be myself, and Pat lets me have my space.
Today, we went to the park. He bought me hot chocolate and we just sat on the bench for hours, talking. He told me that we would go there at night, and I remember that, I remember going to the park with a large group of my friends and just playing on the swings, being ridiculous. I remember Pat being there, and I tell him that a lot, I remember our friendship, I know that we’ve been close for years, but I can’t remember being with him as more than friends.
Today at the park, I told him that I wished I knew everything, that I wished I had the memories he did. I told him that I could see how much he’s giving up to help me, how much he loves me and I wish that I could just drop everything right then and there and have everything go back to the way he says it was, but it’s not that easy. Instead of getting some hurt look on his face, he just leaned forward, kissing my forehead gently, and told me that when the time was right, I’d love him again.
Since that moment, I’ve been thinking. I told him I needed to be alone for awhile when we got home, and I’ve been in my room ever since, thinking over both his words and mine. If I’m so ready to fall back in love with him, what’s stopping me? I can see the way he looks at me, I know that he’ll do anything for me and he’s willing to wait months for me, but he shouldn’t have to. If I want to be in love with him, why do I have to wait until I’m actually in love to be with him romantically?
I’m sure that, when we started going out, we weren’t in love yet. It must have just been a mutual crush, romantic feelings. Why can’t we start all over from there? Go on dates? Kiss? Be boyfriends, but maybe not lovers just yet. I have to go do something. I’ll be back later.
It’s later. The same night, you know, from my earlier entry and Pat’s asleep right now. Did I mention it’s late? After I left my notebook on the bed and ran to go find him, things have been different. I found him in the kitchen making dinner. I just went up behind him, but my hands on his waist, turned him around and kissed him, right on the lips. He dropped the spoon he had been using to stir the tomato sauce and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing me back.
I half expected him to stop, to tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing, to treat me like the child they all had at the hospital, but he didn’t, he just kissed me back until I pulled away for air, and then he smiled at me.
“What was that for?” he asked, reaching out and running his fingers through my hair.
“You,” I whispered. “I’m not in love with you yet, but I know that I have feelings for you, and I don’t see why we should have to wait until they’re fully matured.”
“So this is what you want?” He looked down at me, smiling.
“Yes.” I nodded. “This is what I want.”
“Alright then.” And he kissed me again. This time it was longer, but just as passionate, if not more so. I could feel everything he had been telling me in his kiss, as though his lips were backing up his words, and I know now that I’m almost there. Pat and I, we’re almost back to the place where he’s been trying so hard to restore me.
: )
Dear Discord,
Things with Tom, they’ve been interesting. He can hardly take care of himself, yet he tries to convince me that he can help. I hate what I have to do to keep him from falling apart, I hate that he’s so close to it, and I hate what’s coming next. I got a letter today, well two, actually. An envelope came for me with no return address and two pieces of paper folded inside. One of them had my name on it, one had Tom’s, and it didn’t take much for me to know who sent them.
I unfolded mine - Tom’s was for Tom, and that’s it. However, after reading the letter that Oli wrote to me, I’m just not sure how I’m going to be able to give Tom his. I’ve had to do a lot of tough things in my life, a lot of things that I didn’t want to do, but none of them have been quite this difficult and I’m sure that none of them ever will be again. I mean, let’s be honest - how could anyone take a letter to the brother of someone who wrote this?
Dear Jack Barakat,
I suppose that you know by now, but it’s over. I called the police, I told them everything, absolutely everything. I even led them, anonymously, of course, to the place. I told them were to find Zack, how to get him back safely, and I told them everything that I knew about the men who ran the place. And now when I say it’s over, I really mean it. I can’t go back to where you are, like I warned you, it’s just not safe.
I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would be able to run, to keep going and things would be alright, but the more I think about it, the more I see on the news about how far these men’s connections go and I don’t see how it’s ever going to be right again. The only way Tom will be safe is if I’m gone. They will go after him to get to me until I’m dead and there’s no way I’m letting those bastards get the best of me.
I’ve done my crime, now I have to pay for it, and I want Tom to find out from me, not from the news, so I’m giving you the information, but don’t call the police until Tom has read his letter. They will find my body in Storage Unit 6B on 197th and Pine in Kentucky. I’m not mangled, there’s not going to be any blood and I want you to assure Tom, because I know he won’t believe my letter, that it didn’t hurt me. I’m using sleeping pills, I’ll just lie down and never wake up - painless, endless sleep. Make sure that word gets out I’m dead, make sure these bastards know I’m gone so that they won’t ever go near Tom again.
Jack, there’s more, though. Tom hasn’t been treated right once in his entire life. Our parents were terrible to him and I tried my best, but I couldn’t protect him, I couldn’t be the person that he needed and I ended up just being another person to let him down, to destroy his life. I need you to be the person who actually comes through for him. I know that it’s a lot to ask, that you look after someone you hardly knew, that you take orders from the man who almost got your best friend killed, but I love Tom more than anything and I know that, as long as he is in your care, he’ll be alright. Please, Jack, don’t let anything happen to my brother. I love him, even when I’m gone I’ll still love him. Let him know that.
Sincerely,
Oliver Scott Sykes
P.S. It’s time to give him the journal.
Reading that letter brought me to tears, just knowing how much Oli cared about Tom - cares about him still. But it’s dated from a few days ago and I can tell from Oli’s writing that he was serious. There’s no way that this letter won’t have to go to Tom and even though giving it to him will be the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, it’s time. Wish me luck.
J. Barakat
Author: havah24601
Rating: M
Characters: Jack Barakat (All Time Low), Pat Brown (Sing It Loud), Nate Flynn (Sing It Loud), Alex Gaskarth (All Time Low), Zack Merrick (All Time Low), Oli Sykes (Bring Me the Horizon), Tom Sykes
Pairings: Zack Merrick/Alex Gaskarth, Nate Flynn/Pat Brown (other pairings still undetermined)
Warnings: Abuse, violence, psychological torture, kidnap
POV: 1st Person, switches between all characters, as the story is written in journal entries.
Summary: A wealthy 16 year old boy goes missing only six months after a boy who had been presumed dead for over a year turned up unconscious outside of his school, unable to recall the majority of the past 17 months. Another boy tries to reclaim the love that he lost when the first boy disappeared while a fourth boy searches tirelessly to find the first. A young man finds himself growing up too fast, harming others in an attempt to protect the only person that he truly loves while a teenage boy works to keep both himself and the people around him sane as he balances the weight of the situation on his shoulders.
Disclaimer: Thank GOD this is fictional!
Author's Note: I'm sorry I'm late!
Dear Hope,
Everything is changing. I’m living with Pat now because the police, they discovered that everything I told them was true, that all of the situations I described were possible, that I wasn’t crazy. Pat has been amazing. Every time he looks at me, I know how much he loves me and every time I look at him, I feel like, maybe, just maybe, I’m falling in love with him again. He has all of these pictures around the house of the two of us - more than even my parents ever had of me. He’s crazy, and I know it, but when I ask him about it, he just pulls me into a hug and tells me that he’s crazy in love with me, and I believe him.
I’ve been with him for three days now, and I was nervous at first, but I already feel like this is home. I have my own bed, he made sure of that. I have my own room in his apartment and it’s small, but it’s mine. It’s not like the hospital, it’s not like before when I didn’t have privacy - if I needed some alone time, I had it, but only until they came in to check on me, or give my medication. Pat could only stay with me until hours were over. This time, though, now I can do what I want, be myself, and Pat lets me have my space.
Today, we went to the park. He bought me hot chocolate and we just sat on the bench for hours, talking. He told me that we would go there at night, and I remember that, I remember going to the park with a large group of my friends and just playing on the swings, being ridiculous. I remember Pat being there, and I tell him that a lot, I remember our friendship, I know that we’ve been close for years, but I can’t remember being with him as more than friends.
Today at the park, I told him that I wished I knew everything, that I wished I had the memories he did. I told him that I could see how much he’s giving up to help me, how much he loves me and I wish that I could just drop everything right then and there and have everything go back to the way he says it was, but it’s not that easy. Instead of getting some hurt look on his face, he just leaned forward, kissing my forehead gently, and told me that when the time was right, I’d love him again.
Since that moment, I’ve been thinking. I told him I needed to be alone for awhile when we got home, and I’ve been in my room ever since, thinking over both his words and mine. If I’m so ready to fall back in love with him, what’s stopping me? I can see the way he looks at me, I know that he’ll do anything for me and he’s willing to wait months for me, but he shouldn’t have to. If I want to be in love with him, why do I have to wait until I’m actually in love to be with him romantically?
I’m sure that, when we started going out, we weren’t in love yet. It must have just been a mutual crush, romantic feelings. Why can’t we start all over from there? Go on dates? Kiss? Be boyfriends, but maybe not lovers just yet. I have to go do something. I’ll be back later.
It’s later. The same night, you know, from my earlier entry and Pat’s asleep right now. Did I mention it’s late? After I left my notebook on the bed and ran to go find him, things have been different. I found him in the kitchen making dinner. I just went up behind him, but my hands on his waist, turned him around and kissed him, right on the lips. He dropped the spoon he had been using to stir the tomato sauce and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing me back.
I half expected him to stop, to tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing, to treat me like the child they all had at the hospital, but he didn’t, he just kissed me back until I pulled away for air, and then he smiled at me.
“What was that for?” he asked, reaching out and running his fingers through my hair.
“You,” I whispered. “I’m not in love with you yet, but I know that I have feelings for you, and I don’t see why we should have to wait until they’re fully matured.”
“So this is what you want?” He looked down at me, smiling.
“Yes.” I nodded. “This is what I want.”
“Alright then.” And he kissed me again. This time it was longer, but just as passionate, if not more so. I could feel everything he had been telling me in his kiss, as though his lips were backing up his words, and I know now that I’m almost there. Pat and I, we’re almost back to the place where he’s been trying so hard to restore me.
: )
Dear Discord,
Things with Tom, they’ve been interesting. He can hardly take care of himself, yet he tries to convince me that he can help. I hate what I have to do to keep him from falling apart, I hate that he’s so close to it, and I hate what’s coming next. I got a letter today, well two, actually. An envelope came for me with no return address and two pieces of paper folded inside. One of them had my name on it, one had Tom’s, and it didn’t take much for me to know who sent them.
I unfolded mine - Tom’s was for Tom, and that’s it. However, after reading the letter that Oli wrote to me, I’m just not sure how I’m going to be able to give Tom his. I’ve had to do a lot of tough things in my life, a lot of things that I didn’t want to do, but none of them have been quite this difficult and I’m sure that none of them ever will be again. I mean, let’s be honest - how could anyone take a letter to the brother of someone who wrote this?
Dear Jack Barakat,
I suppose that you know by now, but it’s over. I called the police, I told them everything, absolutely everything. I even led them, anonymously, of course, to the place. I told them were to find Zack, how to get him back safely, and I told them everything that I knew about the men who ran the place. And now when I say it’s over, I really mean it. I can’t go back to where you are, like I warned you, it’s just not safe.
I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would be able to run, to keep going and things would be alright, but the more I think about it, the more I see on the news about how far these men’s connections go and I don’t see how it’s ever going to be right again. The only way Tom will be safe is if I’m gone. They will go after him to get to me until I’m dead and there’s no way I’m letting those bastards get the best of me.
I’ve done my crime, now I have to pay for it, and I want Tom to find out from me, not from the news, so I’m giving you the information, but don’t call the police until Tom has read his letter. They will find my body in Storage Unit 6B on 197th and Pine in Kentucky. I’m not mangled, there’s not going to be any blood and I want you to assure Tom, because I know he won’t believe my letter, that it didn’t hurt me. I’m using sleeping pills, I’ll just lie down and never wake up - painless, endless sleep. Make sure that word gets out I’m dead, make sure these bastards know I’m gone so that they won’t ever go near Tom again.
Jack, there’s more, though. Tom hasn’t been treated right once in his entire life. Our parents were terrible to him and I tried my best, but I couldn’t protect him, I couldn’t be the person that he needed and I ended up just being another person to let him down, to destroy his life. I need you to be the person who actually comes through for him. I know that it’s a lot to ask, that you look after someone you hardly knew, that you take orders from the man who almost got your best friend killed, but I love Tom more than anything and I know that, as long as he is in your care, he’ll be alright. Please, Jack, don’t let anything happen to my brother. I love him, even when I’m gone I’ll still love him. Let him know that.
Sincerely,
Oliver Scott Sykes
P.S. It’s time to give him the journal.
Reading that letter brought me to tears, just knowing how much Oli cared about Tom - cares about him still. But it’s dated from a few days ago and I can tell from Oli’s writing that he was serious. There’s no way that this letter won’t have to go to Tom and even though giving it to him will be the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, it’s time. Wish me luck.
J. Barakat