my summer, so far
work work work work, drink, "break", bbq, west chester, work work work, mandy, work, nick, work work, tom , hating my life, dexter.
that's it in a nutshell. gary and i are still trying to figure out what we want and god this is so hard, but we're not broken up, so that's good. i've been hanging out with some new people and that's exciting. the only thing i dont like is that i've been drinking more. i never really did before. my kidney is getting better, recoverign from a viral infection and trauma injury from being hit in the back. pretty much my kidney had a big bruise on it. it's slow, but it's getting better, less pain everyday. i feel like i never leave work. i'm always there or thinking about what is going on there. it's hard to detach. nick is gone. he went to tanger and i miss him even though he really got on my nerves. i've decided to not get attached to people anymore. cause everytime they leave and they say "we'll stay in touch" it never happens. and you end up losing. and hurting. it's not fair. i worry about my mom all the time. i dont think that will ever stop. my heart hurts. not in the way that makes you want to cry though. in the way that you know something is ending, a period in your life, and you can't stop it and you're just accepting that this time is done. almost a good hurt cause you know something better is coming. i feel like this is the end of my being a teenager. i have a few months left but i really feel like, now is the time to act like an adult. i'm actually looking forward to starting school and going to work. i can't wait for the holidays. i want things with gary to work out and it hurts me that i cant make a decision. it hurts me to see him hurt. i dont think he knows how much i love him and the reason i have been pulling away is to see what life would be like without him. i hope my mommy knows how much i love her. i want my brother to know that i think he's a good kid, but misguided. i wish he'd let me help him. mandy and dexter and nick and yes, tom k. have helped me so much this summer, and it's been a hard summer. i hope they know how much that has meant to me. i needed to get this off my chest. sara and ahlee and chelsea jooooooooones and sherri are amazing. they made OCMD the most fun i've had in a very very long time. my summer, so far has been an experience. it's too hard to put into words or pictures, you just had to be there.
that's it in a nutshell. gary and i are still trying to figure out what we want and god this is so hard, but we're not broken up, so that's good. i've been hanging out with some new people and that's exciting. the only thing i dont like is that i've been drinking more. i never really did before. my kidney is getting better, recoverign from a viral infection and trauma injury from being hit in the back. pretty much my kidney had a big bruise on it. it's slow, but it's getting better, less pain everyday. i feel like i never leave work. i'm always there or thinking about what is going on there. it's hard to detach. nick is gone. he went to tanger and i miss him even though he really got on my nerves. i've decided to not get attached to people anymore. cause everytime they leave and they say "we'll stay in touch" it never happens. and you end up losing. and hurting. it's not fair. i worry about my mom all the time. i dont think that will ever stop. my heart hurts. not in the way that makes you want to cry though. in the way that you know something is ending, a period in your life, and you can't stop it and you're just accepting that this time is done. almost a good hurt cause you know something better is coming. i feel like this is the end of my being a teenager. i have a few months left but i really feel like, now is the time to act like an adult. i'm actually looking forward to starting school and going to work. i can't wait for the holidays. i want things with gary to work out and it hurts me that i cant make a decision. it hurts me to see him hurt. i dont think he knows how much i love him and the reason i have been pulling away is to see what life would be like without him. i hope my mommy knows how much i love her. i want my brother to know that i think he's a good kid, but misguided. i wish he'd let me help him. mandy and dexter and nick and yes, tom k. have helped me so much this summer, and it's been a hard summer. i hope they know how much that has meant to me. i needed to get this off my chest. sara and ahlee and chelsea jooooooooones and sherri are amazing. they made OCMD the most fun i've had in a very very long time. my summer, so far has been an experience. it's too hard to put into words or pictures, you just had to be there.