questions
i am starting to think of all i missed out on. senior week. graduation. close, tight knit friendships with girls. i wonder what my life would have been like had i attended real school. had my life been more along the lines of what everyone elses was like, i wonder what it would have been like. what if my mom wasn't in a wheelchair? what if my back wasn't so screwed up? what would life had been like if my parents stayed together? if i went to regualar school, would i be somewhere else? would i be at a real college instead of DCCC? where would i be working? what friends would i have? would gary be a part of my life? i don't know the answer. i know i'm not satisfied with any aspect of my life right now. my homelife, my relationships with my boyfriend and with my friends. nick tried to analyze me last night and i got really defensive and upset. i hate when people think that they've got me all figured out. he said he knows my "type" what the fuck does that mean? i was mad at gary for not coming out with us. i'm mad at him for changing his schedule without asking me what i thought about that. i hate being alone. i don't like the feeling of knowing there is no one in this big empty house. i wish i could stop crying. i hate this stupid online journal. i hate that i have to go to work soon and i just dont want to. i hate that my boyfriend doesn't have time for me anymore. i hate that people think they know me when they haven't even seen what i'm really like. i'm so frustrated and discontent. this is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world.