(no subject)
He's gone now. Well, it's been about three weeks now. Or more. The days all sort of blend together anymore. I keep looking down at the ring on my finger that he gave me for Christmas. Do I take it off? I know I did the right thing, but how long will it take before I don't think of him anymore?
Six months of paying every bill of his...at the cost of my dignity and respect. When my name is brought up in a conversation, I'm the laughingstock of those I grew up with. I've even had "friends" of mine come into the club to see if I was working---even sit up by the stage and wait. Sorry to disappoint, but I don't take my clothes off. It's really alright, recently just another man to do something to disgust the living hell out of me.
In a way, I'm extremely relieved. I'm not with a man who will use my thoughts, feelings, or my past against me. Not with a man that plays pathetic mind games, degrades me, and just all out sucking the self-esteem and life right out of me.
I was sick of hearing my phone ring. Wanted to run the damn thing over with my truck, but I dropped it and it doesn't work now. oops.
I'm better than all of this. I know that good will come my way, especially since Jenn's fiance was just recently promoted to above even the general manager (who is an asshole). That's an in for me because they have "shooter girl" shifts open and "door girl" shifts open. They fired a few people. I have many good things to look forward to, especially seeing every penny of what I make rather than 15-25% of it. Yet, I still have this empty feeling. It'll go away once there's more closure on the relationship between James and I. I think I should just sell his things that he left in florida.
My friend (shooter girl/waitress) just got into a head on collision last week. She was in ICU, but after they put a rod in one leg, stitched both knees closed, made sure her spleen stopped bleeding, and watched her lungs because part of one collapsed, she was moved into a normal room. Heather took donations from all the employees and had two cards for everyone to sign. 7 out of 30-something dancers signed. *insert derogatory stripper commentary* At least it was more room for me to write. The donation money went to balloons, flowers, and bill money. She's going to be out of work for a while. So Heather gave the money to lil Jen's twin sister. (I know, I'm friends with a girl named Jen who kinda looks like me, a little shorter, and has a twin. Very cutely ironic.) I wish I could think of something special to do for her. Right now I think just seeing people she cares about would help.
Last night was girl's night. Smoked up and drank way too much. I was in good company because all the girls were looking at it saying "how do you roll it?" or equally novice expressions. We didn't know what we were doing. It was just priceless. Three of the seven of us were over 30! I absolutely love girls night. Except when I'm the one making the espresso martini's...then I know everyone's going to get boozed up. Don't mind me, my brain is still stuck in 24 hours ago. If you see it, let me know. Probably be a while.
So that's the scoop on what's been going on with me lately. There's more, but I don't want to take up too much space, and don't really feel considerate enough to put it under a lj-cut. Possibly next entry I'll have some good news for you.
~~~~Even in madness, I know you still believe
Paint me on canvas so I'll become
What you could never be
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
Wear my soul and call me a liar
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to~~~~
Six months of paying every bill of his...at the cost of my dignity and respect. When my name is brought up in a conversation, I'm the laughingstock of those I grew up with. I've even had "friends" of mine come into the club to see if I was working---even sit up by the stage and wait. Sorry to disappoint, but I don't take my clothes off. It's really alright, recently just another man to do something to disgust the living hell out of me.
In a way, I'm extremely relieved. I'm not with a man who will use my thoughts, feelings, or my past against me. Not with a man that plays pathetic mind games, degrades me, and just all out sucking the self-esteem and life right out of me.
I was sick of hearing my phone ring. Wanted to run the damn thing over with my truck, but I dropped it and it doesn't work now. oops.
I'm better than all of this. I know that good will come my way, especially since Jenn's fiance was just recently promoted to above even the general manager (who is an asshole). That's an in for me because they have "shooter girl" shifts open and "door girl" shifts open. They fired a few people. I have many good things to look forward to, especially seeing every penny of what I make rather than 15-25% of it. Yet, I still have this empty feeling. It'll go away once there's more closure on the relationship between James and I. I think I should just sell his things that he left in florida.
My friend (shooter girl/waitress) just got into a head on collision last week. She was in ICU, but after they put a rod in one leg, stitched both knees closed, made sure her spleen stopped bleeding, and watched her lungs because part of one collapsed, she was moved into a normal room. Heather took donations from all the employees and had two cards for everyone to sign. 7 out of 30-something dancers signed. *insert derogatory stripper commentary* At least it was more room for me to write. The donation money went to balloons, flowers, and bill money. She's going to be out of work for a while. So Heather gave the money to lil Jen's twin sister. (I know, I'm friends with a girl named Jen who kinda looks like me, a little shorter, and has a twin. Very cutely ironic.) I wish I could think of something special to do for her. Right now I think just seeing people she cares about would help.
Last night was girl's night. Smoked up and drank way too much. I was in good company because all the girls were looking at it saying "how do you roll it?" or equally novice expressions. We didn't know what we were doing. It was just priceless. Three of the seven of us were over 30! I absolutely love girls night. Except when I'm the one making the espresso martini's...then I know everyone's going to get boozed up. Don't mind me, my brain is still stuck in 24 hours ago. If you see it, let me know. Probably be a while.
So that's the scoop on what's been going on with me lately. There's more, but I don't want to take up too much space, and don't really feel considerate enough to put it under a lj-cut. Possibly next entry I'll have some good news for you.
~~~~Even in madness, I know you still believe
Paint me on canvas so I'll become
What you could never be
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
Wear my soul and call me a liar
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to~~~~