(Untitled)
I don't even really talk to my sister anymore...it's sort of sad actually. The only time she talks to me anymore is when she's criticizing me and making me feel awful. But I'll keep my mouth shut because every time I say something about my sister to anyone the entire world goes crazy and kicks me into the dirt with her immediate defense. Sorry
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So you know, you may say I'm ALWAYS putting you down, criticizing you, or making you feel awful...but when the only time I see you is when I have to make it a point to make myself visible to you....make plans, only for you to go off with your drinking friends instead...that's sad. I've made attempts to welcome you into my life and have fun with my friends too...and get to know my boyfriend who respects you..but I don't understand why you hold all of this frustration towards me. If you say anything negative, people defend me? Why say it in the first place? And don't take out your frustrations from our parents on me. I'm wondering if when they hated my guts and degraded me all of the time, whether you were just eating it up or whether you even thought it was wrong. Now for some reason they're defending me, because they see how much I've grown and am making smart decisions..so they defend me.
And your point of view of strip clubs, if I personally knew anyone that did something in that line of work, I would defend till the day I die their "right" to do those things, but when you have someone dancing half naked in front of a bunch of sleezy men who don't respect you and see you as an object to give their dicks a thrill...for someone to call themselves liberated by that is unbelievable. It's trying to find class in a low class job, as someone special to me put it. Don't get me wrong, I believe anyone has the right to make their own decisions, but when you have judgement being thrown about the unwed mothers sitting around sucking up tax dollars, when it seems like a lot of the time those women at the strip clubs look for the easiest and fastest way to make a dollar..instead of working the 9-5 like hardworking respectable adults...it just doesn't work. They're more of a drain on society than the poor people accepting help from the government (not to say there aren't people who abuse the privilage) till they get their lives straight.
I'm just tired of the one sided bullshit. This is my side.
Look, I support you 100% for your views, even if I don't agree with all of them.
You said you're tired of never amounting to anything compared to me....and honestly, is that my fault? not that I don't sympathize..but should you really be taking this frustration out on me? Is it true that they have to absolutely hate my guts in order to be accepting of you, and vice versa? look, I didn't hold it against you when they were being negative towards me...because I knew it wasn't your fault. Whether or not you defended me. But for this BULLSHIT to just keep going on is insane. I've invited you out, but you're more willing to hang out with your drinking and smoking artsy friends...then you sit around and question why we never talk. I'm done playing games. I've told everyone...my boyfriend...my friends...how much I care about you and want you to come hang out, but then to constantly feel like I'm put on the back burner compared to the wonderful sarah and the rest of your friends, why even try? I've sat around disappointed and crying because I had plans with you and then you go with james or sarah somewhere and I'm sitting there with joe doing nothing. He's even dressed up several times just knowing you were going to be there hanging out, which never happened.
I'd like to see you get up before 3PM to spend time with someone other than james, to maybe work more than two or three days a week, and get your life in order. I wish I could see you going back to school or doing other things, but I'll always support any decision you make..whether or not I agree with it.
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