The Wormwood Legacy 1.14
"Okay Byron, we're going to take care of the Nanny Problem. They're going to be out of town at the S&M County Fair, or something like that. We're going to be alone with the Nanny."
"But Adela, she's so much bigger, meaner and older than we are."
"That's okay Byron. We're smarter than she is. We need to figure out the best way to get rid of her, permanently."
"She's really old. Old people are clumsy and have accidents. We could set her on fire!"
"We might burn down the house though. Mom would KILL us if we damaged her kitchen while trying to murder the Nanny."
"What about drowning? We could dog pile her in the hot tub!"
"She's still too big and strong for that. We could drug her with some of Mom's special medicine..."
"Mom told us that if we even looked at her Happy Pills the wrong way she'd make out brains explode just by thinking about it!"
"I've got it!"
"Mom....? Daddy? Could we have a swimming pool? It's getting hot and you could just let us swim all day, we'd be outside and out of your hair..."
"I'd swim off this baby-fat that you keep telling me I need to shed, Mom! I'd be your skinny sweet daughter!"
"You are super annoying and you are super chunky... Let's get a pool Linus, that will shut them up for a little bit."
We built the best pool ever, it even had a slide. It only had one ladder though. Look at all the beautiful landscaping, Mom told us that she wasn't hiring any gardeners to steal her stuff and pee in her pool. So I get to use some awesome garden shears. I like to tell Byron that I'll clip off his thumb if he sucks it at night anymore.
Mom and Linus went to their Adult-Fun-o-rama Expo, so Byron and I were left alone with the Nanny. "We should have her feed us first, so we have leftovers for the weekend. Maybe a bunch of grilled cheeses and some cookies."
"Good thinking Byron. I was going to make muffins for us to survive on, but your plan is better. You're not so useless after all, you know?"
"Gee thanks Adela. I learned from watching you and Mom. "
"Nanny! Nanny Karen! Come play Marco Polo with us!"
"Come on! We're PAYING you!"
"Damn kids... Fine fine fine. I'll get in."
"I've got to pee!"
"Me too!"
"Well hurry it up! Don't piss in the pool. I'll just wait here for you."
"PUSH Byron! PUSH! This is for MOM!"
"I'm pushing Adella! There!"
"Kids? Kids!? Where are you? Why is there a plant blocking the ladder? KIDS! This is NOT funny! You little bastards!"
"Sorry you old baggage! You will not ruin our Mom's life! She's happy with Linus and you're not going to take that away from her."
"YOU LITTLE MONSTERS!"
"We're not monsters. We're WORMWOODS. Come on Adela, let's go play some checkers."
"Adela! Byron! Why is there a dead nanny in the pool?"
"We took care of her for you Mom!"
"Yeah, she was going to take Linus and all of his money away from you!"
"What?"
"She was blackmailing him Mom. So we drowned her in the pool. For you, Mom."
"I've never been so proud."